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The graph shows the information about the number of marriages in the UK from 1951 to 2001.

The graph shows the information about the number of marriages in the UK from 1951 to 2001.

How many marriges was taken in the UK in 50-year-period from 1951 is depicted in the given chart.
Overall, it can be obviously seen that while the number of all marriges and first marriges witnessed a downward trend, the figure for remarriges underwent a slight increase over the timeframe.
Starting at 150.000 in 1951, the data for remarriges was less than a half of first marriges’ figures, at nearly 350.000. In next 20 years, the gap between remarriges and first marriges relatively stable, whereas the total marriges’ number went up and peak at 450.000 in 1971 after slightly declining of nearly 10.000 in 1961.
However, from 1971 to 2001, the total number of marriges suddenly decreased and bottom at approximately 375.000 in the end of the period. Additionally, the difference between the two other categories was narrow progressively, with the figure for first marriges falling to 250.000 and the figure for remarriges gradually rising to 200.000. In 2001, the total figure was only twofold that of remarriges despite being nearly threefold in the beginning.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "marriges" -> "marriages"
    Explanation: The correct spelling is "marriages." Using the proper spelling enhances the overall accuracy and professionalism of the essay.

  2. "was taken" -> "occurred"
    Explanation: Instead of "was taken," using "occurred" is a more precise and formal way to describe the incidence of marriages in the given period.

  3. "it can be obviously seen" -> "it is evident"
    Explanation: "It is evident" is a more refined expression than "it can be obviously seen," adding a touch of formality and clarity to the statement.

  4. "first marriges" -> "first marriages"
    Explanation: Similar to the first point, the correct spelling is "marriages." Maintaining consistency in spelling contributes to the overall correctness of the text.

  5. "remarriges" -> "remarriages"
    Explanation: The correct term is "remarriages." Using the accurate term improves precision and clarity in conveying information about the types of marriages.

  6. "data for remarriges" -> "data on remarriages"
    Explanation: "Data on remarriages" is a more grammatically accurate phrase, providing a clearer indication of the information being discussed.

  7. "a half of first marriges’ figures" -> "half the figures for first marriages"
    Explanation: This revision simplifies the expression by rephrasing it more concisely, improving readability without sacrificing meaning.

  8. "next 20 years" -> "subsequent 20 years"
    Explanation: "Subsequent" is a more sophisticated alternative to "next," contributing to a more formal tone in the essay.

  9. "went up and peak at" -> "rose and peaked at"
    Explanation: "Rose and peaked at" is a more dynamic and precise way to describe the increase and culmination of the total number of marriages.

  10. "bottom at" -> "hit a low point at"
    Explanation: "Hit a low point at" is a more descriptive phrase than "bottom at," providing a clearer picture of the decrease in the total number of marriages.

  11. "nearly threefold" -> "almost threefold"
    Explanation: "Almost threefold" is a more standard expression, maintaining clarity while slightly enhancing the formality of the statement.

  12. "twofold that of" -> "twice that of"
    Explanation: "Twice that of" is a more conventional and precise way to convey a comparison, improving the overall clarity of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the information presented in the graph. The key features, such as the trends in the number of all marriages, first marriages, and remarriages, are identified and discussed. The chronological progression is generally clear, allowing the reader to follow the changes over the specified time period.

How to improve:

  1. Clarity and Cohesion: Ensure a smoother flow of ideas by improving sentence structure and coherence. For instance, the phrase "while the number of all marriages and first marriages witnessed a downward trend" could be rephrased for better clarity.

  2. Grammar and Spelling: Review and correct grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. For example, "marriges" should be corrected to "marriages."

  3. Detail and Accuracy: While the essay provides an overview, details may be considered irrelevant or inaccurate. To improve, focus on presenting accurate and relevant data, avoiding unnecessary details.

  4. Paragraph Structure: Organize the information into more structured paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the data, enhancing readability and coherence.

Overall, with attention to these aspects, the essay has the potential to improve its clarity, accuracy, and overall coherence, contributing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion to some extent. There is an attempt at logical organization, with a clear introduction and overall progression. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion within and between sentences, affecting the overall flow. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there is room for improvement, especially in avoiding repetitive language. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically, as there are abrupt transitions between ideas.
How to improve: Focus on improving the flow between sentences by ensuring that cohesive devices are used more consistently and accurately. Work on refining paragraph structure for smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, be cautious about repetitive language and strive for more varied expressions.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, but it is minimally adequate for the task. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, but there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader. The essay provides a basic overview of the information presented in the graph but lacks precision and clarity in expression.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary, paying attention to word choice and collocation. There is a need for more precise and accurate language to convey the information effectively. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors is essential to enhance overall communication. The writer should aim for a more sophisticated and varied use of vocabulary to elevate the quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, with an attempt to convey information about the graph on marriages in the UK from 1951 to 2001. The communication is generally clear, but there are several grammatical errors that slightly hinder understanding. There is an effort to vary sentence structures, but some sentences lack complexity. Punctuation is used, but there are inconsistencies.

How to improve:

  1. Sentence Structure: Aim for more varied and complex sentence structures. Introduce subordinate clauses and compound sentences to enhance the overall sophistication of your writing.

  2. Grammar and Punctuation: Review the use of grammatical structures and ensure proper punctuation. For example, revise sentence fragments like "Starting at 150.000 in 1951, the data for remarriages…" for better clarity and accuracy.

  3. Clarity and Precision: Focus on expressing ideas more precisely. For instance, instead of "it can be obviously seen," consider a more direct and concise expression like "the graph clearly illustrates."

  4. Consistency in Tenses: Maintain consistency in the use of tenses throughout the essay. For example, there is a shift from past to present tense, which can be confusing. Choose one tense and stick to it for better coherence.

By addressing these points, you can enhance the grammatical range and accuracy of your essay, moving towards a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart illustrates the number of marriages in the UK spanning the 50-year period from 1951 to 2001.

Overall, it is evident that the total number of marriages and first marriages experienced a declining trend, while the count for remarriages exhibited a slight increase over the specified timeframe.

Commencing at 150,000 in 1951, the data for remarriages was less than half of the figures for first marriages, which stood at nearly 350,000. Over the next two decades, the gap between remarriages and first marriages remained relatively stable, while the overall number of marriages increased, reaching a peak of 450,000 in 1971, following a slight decline of nearly 10,000 in 1961.

However, from 1971 to 2001, the total number of marriages witnessed a sudden decrease, hitting a low of approximately 375,000 by the end of the period. Furthermore, the disparity between the two other categories gradually narrowed during this period, with the figure for first marriages declining to 250,000 and the figure for remarriages gradually rising to 200,000. In 2001, the total figure was only twice that of remarriages, despite being nearly three times as high in the beginning.

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