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The graph shows the number of people taking parts in 4 types of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the number of people taking parts in 4 types of sports in a particular region between 1985 and 2005.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph illustrates the amount of people joining in 4 types of sports: Badminton, Basketball, Tennis and Rugby in a particular region over the period of 20 years.

It is clear that Tennis emerged as the predominant sport over the period shown. By contrast, Badminton as well as Rugby provided the lowest amount of human beings aligning in each year.

In 1985, Rugby was the primary source of physical recreation, attracting around 250 people. Tennis, Basketball and Badminton bewitched fewer than that, by a perspective of under 150 people. However, 10 years later, Tennis overtook Rugby and became the most popular sport in that region.

Between 1985 and 2000, Rugby experienced a moderate decrease from 250 to 150, was 1.5 times less than Tennis at that time, before dropping remarkably by 100 people. The figure for Tennis started at 150, after which it witnessed a considerable rise to 200 in 2000 and reached a peak of 210 people. About 51 and 100 people who attended to play Badminton and Basketball in the beginning and maintained a relative stable, at 50 and 90 people, respectively.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "amount of people" -> "number of individuals"
    Explanation: "Amount" is typically used for uncountable nouns, while "number" is more appropriate for countable nouns like "people." Also, "individuals" is a more formal and precise term than "people."

  2. "joining in" -> "participating in"
    Explanation: "Joining in" is colloquial and less precise compared to "participating in," which better conveys the idea of engaging in a sport.

  3. "predominant sport" -> "dominant sport"
    Explanation: "Dominant" is a more precise and sophisticated term to describe a sport that is the most popular or prevalent.

  4. "bewitched" -> "attracted"
    Explanation: "Bewitched" has a mystical connotation and is not suitable in this context. "Attracted" is a more appropriate and neutral term to describe the number of people involved in a sport.

  5. "physical recreation" -> "physical activity"
    Explanation: While "physical recreation" is not incorrect, "physical activity" is a more commonly used term to describe engagement in sports or exercise.

  6. "witnessed a considerable rise" -> "experienced a significant increase"
    Explanation: "Witnessed a considerable rise" is slightly awkward phrasing. "Experienced a significant increase" is clearer and more formal.

  7. "maintained a relative stable" -> "remained relatively stable"
    Explanation: "Maintained a relative stable" is grammatically incorrect. "Remained relatively stable" is the correct construction to indicate consistency over time.

  8. "attended to play" -> "attended to participate in"
    Explanation: "Attended to play" is unclear and could imply merely being present at the location. "Attended to participate in" specifies the purpose of attendance more accurately.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing a summary of the information presented in the graph. It identifies the main trends and makes comparisons between the different sports over the given period. The key features, such as the emergence of Tennis as the predominant sport and the fluctuations in participation numbers for Rugby, Basketball, and Badminton, are highlighted.

How to improve:
To improve, ensure the information provided is more accurately represented. Clarify the transitions between years and sports to enhance coherence. Additionally, strive for greater precision in language usage and avoid ambiguous phrases like "bewitched fewer than that" to maintain clarity and conciseness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently and maintains a clear overall progression. It introduces the main features of the graph and provides comparisons where relevant. There is a logical organization of ideas, starting with an overview of the graph, followed by specific details about each sport’s participation. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas, although there are instances of faulty cohesion within and between sentences. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically; some paragraphs could be more clearly structured to enhance coherence.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that the connections between sentences and paragraphs are clearer. Pay attention to transitions to make the progression smoother. Additionally, focus on maintaining consistency in paragraphing to enhance the overall structure of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary and some awareness of style and collocation. For instance, "predominant," "bewitched," "moderate decrease," and "considerable rise" are examples of less common lexical items used appropriately. Additionally, there is flexibility in word choice, such as "joining in" instead of "participating in," and "emerged" instead of "became." Some errors in word choice and collocation are present, such as "human beings aligning" and "attend to play," but they do not significantly detract from the overall clarity of the essay. Spelling and word formation errors are minimal.

How to improve: To improve, focus on refining word choice and collocation to minimize errors. Additionally, aim for greater consistency in using less common vocabulary items throughout the essay. Finally, ensure accuracy in sentence structure and grammar to enhance overall coherence and fluency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, covering a range of sports and time periods. It effectively communicates the main features of the graph and makes comparisons where relevant. However, there are several grammatical errors and instances of awkward phrasing that slightly hinder communication. For example, "Badminton as well as Rugby provided the lowest amount of human beings aligning in each year" could be clearer, and there are occasional issues with subject-verb agreement ("Badminton bewitched fewer than that").

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring clearer expression of ideas. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of prepositions. Additionally, strive for more precision in vocabulary selection to enhance clarity and coherence. Practicing writing complex sentences and revising for grammatical accuracy will aid in achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph depicts the participation rates in four distinct sports—Badminton, Basketball, Tennis, and Rugby—across a specific region from 1985 to 2005.

It is evident that Tennis emerged as the prevailing sport throughout the depicted period, contrasting with Badminton and Rugby, which consistently attracted the fewest participants.

In 1985, Rugby boasted the highest participation rate, with approximately 250 individuals engaging in the sport. Conversely, Tennis, Basketball, and Badminton each garnered fewer than 150 participants. However, by 1995, Tennis surpassed Rugby as the most favored sport in the region.

From 1985 to 2000, Rugby experienced a gradual decline from 250 to 150 participants, while Tennis witnessed a notable increase from 150 to 200 participants in the same timeframe, peaking at 210 participants by 2000. Conversely, Badminton and Basketball maintained relatively stable participation rates throughout the period, with around 50 and 90 participants, respectively.

Overall, the data illustrates the fluctuating trends in sports participation within the region over the two-decade period.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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