The graph shows the percentage of UK adolescents following a vegetarian diet. Summarise the information by selecting reporting the main features.

The chart illustrates the proportion of adolescent vegetarians and how it changed during 60-year-period from 1960.
Overall, the percentage of adolescents following vegetarian diet generally increased to be compared with in the first recorded year – 1960 – and it reach the highest point in 1980.
In 1960, the percentage of adolescent vegetarians begun with 0%. It increased dramatically in the next 20 years and peaked at 1980 with over 15%. Then, the figure witnessed a sharp decrease before experiencing a slight dip that end at about a half of the peak point.
After that, the proportion of adolescent vegetarians reached the lowest point form 1965 in the middle of the 1990s, around a third of the highest point. However, it fluctuated slightly with the increasing trend to over 10% and approximately remained till the end of 2020.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The chart illustrates the proportion of adolescent vegetarians and how it changed during 60-year-period from 1960." -> "The chart illustrates the proportion of adolescent vegetarians and its changes over a 60-year period from 1960."
Explanation: "60-year-period" is grammatically incorrect. The correct term is "60-year period." Additionally, "how it changed" is vague; "its changes" is more precise and formal.
"it reach the highest point in 1980" -> "it reached its highest point in 1980"
Explanation: "reach" should be "reached" to agree with the past tense context of the sentence.
"the percentage of adolescent vegetarians begun with 0%" -> "the percentage of adolescent vegetarians began at 0%"
Explanation: "begun" is incorrect; "began" is the correct verb form for starting an action in the past. "At" is used instead of "with" to correctly indicate the starting point.
"It increased dramatically in the next 20 years and peaked at 1980 with over 15%." -> "It increased significantly over the next 20 years, peaking at 15% in 1980."
Explanation: "dramatically" is too emotional for academic writing; "significantly" is more appropriate. Also, "with over 15%" is redundant; "at 15%" is sufficient.
"Then, the figure witnessed a sharp decrease before experiencing a slight dip that end at about a half of the peak point." -> "Subsequently, the figure experienced a sharp decline followed by a slight dip, ending at approximately half the peak level."
Explanation: "Then" is too informal; "Subsequently" is more formal. "witnessed" is less direct than "experienced," and "that end" is grammatically incorrect; "ending" should be used. "At about a half of the peak point" is awkward; "at approximately half the peak level" is clearer and more formal.
"After that, the proportion of adolescent vegetarians reached the lowest point form 1965 in the middle of the 1990s, around a third of the highest point." -> "Subsequently, the proportion of adolescent vegetarians reached its lowest point in the mid-1990s, approximately one-third of the highest point."
Explanation: "After that" is informal; "Subsequently" is more appropriate. "form" is a typo; "from" is the correct preposition. "the middle of the 1990s" is vague; "in the mid-1990s" is more specific.
"However, it fluctuated slightly with the increasing trend to over 10% and approximately remained till the end of 2020." -> "However, it fluctuated slightly, increasing to over 10%, and remained approximately until the end of 2020."
Explanation: "with the increasing trend to over 10%" is awkward; "increasing to over 10%" is clearer. "till" is less formal than "until," which is more suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. Instead, it recounts details mechanically with no clear overview. The essay also presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details rather than the overall trends.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features/bullet points in a more concise and accurate way. The essay should avoid recounting details mechanically and instead focus on providing a clear and concise summary of the information presented in the graph.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the changes in the percentage of adolescent vegetarians over time, the transitions between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the relationships between ideas. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, as the ideas within paragraphs do not always connect logically.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring the essay with well-defined paragraphs, each containing a single main idea. Improving the use of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, will help clarify the relationships between different points. Additionally, ensuring that there is a logical flow of information and a clear progression of ideas will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the graph, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking the sophistication expected at higher band levels. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "to be compared with in the first recorded year" and "the lowest point form 1965," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, errors in spelling and word formation are present, such as "reach" instead of "reached" and "that end" instead of "that ended," which further detracts from the overall clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure accurate word choice and collocation. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and grammatical errors will improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. While there are some effective structures, there are also noticeable grammatical errors, such as "to be compared with in the first recorded year" and "that end at about a half of the peak point." These errors, while they do not completely obscure meaning, do affect clarity and coherence. The overall control of grammar and punctuation is adequate, but the presence of errors suggests that the writer has not fully mastered the grammatical range required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Grammar and Punctuation: Review and correct grammatical errors, particularly in sentence structure and verb forms. Ensure that punctuation is used correctly to enhance clarity.
Complex Structures: Incorporate a wider variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate a greater range of grammatical ability.
Error-Free Sentences: Aim to produce more error-free sentences by proofreading the essay before submission. This will help to reduce the frequency of mistakes and improve overall accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart illustrates the proportion of adolescent vegetarians in the UK and how it changed over a 60-year period from 1960. Overall, the percentage of adolescents following a vegetarian diet generally increased compared to the first recorded year, 1960, reaching its highest point in 1980.

In 1960, the percentage of adolescent vegetarians began at 0%. It increased dramatically over the next 20 years, peaking in 1980 at over 15%. Following this peak, the figure experienced a sharp decline, followed by a slight dip that ended at about half of the peak point.

After that, the proportion of adolescent vegetarians reached its lowest point from 1965 to the middle of the 1990s, at around a third of the highest point. However, it fluctuated slightly with an increasing trend to over 10% and approximately remained stable until the end of 2020.