The graphs show changes in spending habits of people in the UK between 1971 and 2001. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The pie charts illustrate how the habits of residents in the UK changed over the course of 30 years, starting from 1971.

Overall, while there was a noticeable decline in the proportion of people enjoying spending habits for petrol, furniture, food and books, a significant rise was seen in that of cars, computers and restaurants over the given time frame. Another noteworthy feature is that eating was the most plummet out of other categories.

To start with, the percentage of people in the UK having habits of cars, computers and restaurants witnessed an upward trend. To be more precise, there was a considerable increase in the figure for both cars and computers in 2001 which was about 20% higher than that in 1990 being at 22% and 12%, respectively. In addition, the proportion of people enjoying going to restaurants as a habit totalled to 7% in 1971 before doubling in 2001.

Conversely, the habits including petrol, furniture, food and books became less attractive to people in the UK during the given period. In 1971, 6% was the percentage of people having a habit of reading books. Then, 2001 saw a dip of it to 1%, which hit the bottom of the chart. Additionally, the figure for both petrol and furniture in 2001 was uniform at 8% after representing at 10% and 9% in 1971, in turn. Notably, in 1971, as a habit, food was the most popular among people in the UK, compared to the other categories, however, a collapse was seen in the figure for this habit in 2001 which plunged from 44% to 14%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pie charts illustrate how the habits of residents in the UK changed" -> "The pie charts depict the changes in the habits of UK residents"
Explanation: "Depict" is more precise and formal than "illustrate" in this context, focusing on the visual representation of data. Additionally, rephrasing to "UK residents" avoids redundancy and maintains a more formal tone.
"noticing a noticeable decline" -> "observing a significant decline"
Explanation: "Noticing a noticeable decline" is redundant. "Observing a significant decline" avoids redundancy and enhances the academic tone by using more precise vocabulary.
"a significant rise was seen in that of cars, computers and restaurants" -> "a substantial increase was observed in the proportions of cars, computers, and restaurants"
Explanation: "A significant rise was seen in that of" is awkward and unclear. "A substantial increase was observed in the proportions of" is clearer and more formal.
"the most plummet out of other categories" -> "the most prominent among other categories"
Explanation: "The most plummet out of" is incorrect and unclear. "The most prominent among" is the correct and appropriate phrase for comparing relative importance.
"having habits of cars, computers and restaurants" -> "having habits related to cars, computers, and restaurants"
Explanation: "Having habits of" is informal and imprecise. "Having habits related to" clarifies the nature of the habits being discussed.
"there was a considerable increase in the figure for both cars and computers in 2001 which was about 20% higher than that in 1990 being at 22% and 12%, respectively" -> "the figures for cars and computers in 2001 increased by approximately 20% compared to 1990, reaching 22% and 12%, respectively"
Explanation: The original phrasing is convoluted and informal. The revised version simplifies and formalizes the comparison, improving clarity and precision.
"the proportion of people enjoying going to restaurants as a habit totalled to 7%" -> "the proportion of people who considered going to restaurants a habit was 7%"
Explanation: "Enjoying going to restaurants as a habit" is awkward and informal. "Who considered going to restaurants a habit" is more direct and formal.
"the habits including petrol, furniture, food and books became less attractive to people in the UK" -> "the habits of petrol, furniture, food, and books became less popular among UK residents"
Explanation: "Became less attractive" is vague and informal. "Became less popular" is more precise and suitable for academic writing.
"hit the bottom of the chart" -> "reached its lowest point"
Explanation: "Hit the bottom of the chart" is idiomatic and informal. "Reached its lowest point" is a more formal and precise expression.
"a collapse was seen in the figure for this habit" -> "a significant decline was observed in the proportion of this habit"
Explanation: "Collapse" is too dramatic and informal for academic writing. "Significant decline" is more appropriate and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in spending habits in the UK between 1971 and 2001. It identifies the key features of the data, such as the increase in spending on cars, computers, and restaurants, and the decrease in spending on petrol, furniture, food, and books. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features, and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the percentage of people having a habit of reading books in 2001 was 1%, but the chart shows that it was 1%.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the key features. For example, the essay could state that spending on cars increased by 21% between 1971 and 2001, and that spending on computers increased by 10% between 1990 and 2001. The essay could also be improved by avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate details. For example, the essay could avoid stating that the percentage of people having a habit of reading books in 2001 was 1%, as this is not accurate.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical or unclear. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped to enhance clarity and flow. For example, the discussion of the decline in spending habits could be more clearly separated from the rise in others.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from clearer paragraphing that logically groups related ideas. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth would improve the overall flow. Including clearer references to the data presented in the pie charts would also enhance coherence, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. Finally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences contribute directly to that topic would strengthen the essay’s organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with attempts to use less common lexical items such as "proportion," "upward trend," and "noteworthy feature." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "enjoying spending habits" and "the most plummet," which detract from the overall clarity. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "totalled to" instead of "totaled" or "amounted to," and "the habits including" which could be more clearly expressed. These issues do not severely impede communication but indicate a need for improvement in precision and control.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring that word choices are appropriate for the context. Practicing synonyms and collocations can help in avoiding repetitive or awkward phrasing. Additionally, reviewing spelling and grammatical structures will aid in reducing errors and improving overall clarity. Engaging with a wider range of academic vocabulary through reading and writing exercises can also contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

[
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some grammatical errors and punctuation issues present. While the overall communication is clear, certain errors, such as "the most plummet" and "totalled to," detract from the overall accuracy. The use of complex structures is present but not consistently accurate, leading to occasional confusion.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining complex sentence structures and ensuring that all grammatical forms are used correctly. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules and reducing the frequency of errors will help improve clarity and coherence. Regularly reviewing and editing the essay for grammatical accuracy before submission can also be beneficial.
]

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie charts illustrate how the spending habits of residents in the UK changed over the course of 30 years, starting from 1971.

Overall, while there was a noticeable decline in the proportion of people spending on petrol, furniture, food, and books, a significant rise was observed in expenditures on cars, computers, and restaurants over the given time frame. Another noteworthy feature is that eating out experienced the most dramatic decline among the categories.

To start with, the percentage of people in the UK spending on cars, computers, and restaurants witnessed an upward trend. To be more precise, there was a considerable increase in the figures for both cars and computers in 2001, which were about 20% higher than those in 1990, standing at 22% and 12%, respectively. In addition, the proportion of people dining at restaurants as a habit totaled 7% in 1971 before doubling to 14% in 2001.

Conversely, the spending habits related to petrol, furniture, food, and books became less attractive to people in the UK during the given period. In 1971, 6% of people had a habit of reading books. However, by 2001, this figure had decreased to 1%, which was the lowest on the chart. Additionally, the figures for both petrol and furniture in 2001 were uniform at 8%, having been 10% and 9% in 1971, respectively. Notably, in 1971, food was the most popular spending category among people in the UK compared to the other categories; however, a significant decline was observed in this category by 2001, with spending plummeting from 44% to 14%.