fbpx

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment.
What are the causes of this?
What can be done to solve this problem?

The consumer goods usages are growing, leading to the danger of the natural environment. In my opinion, there are several reasons for this, and the problem can address through the government initiatives.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons due to the using of disposal products and manufacturing in the factories. Firstly, the excessive of using plastic bags or boxes brings about the pollution environments. Plastic bags or boxes are non-biodegradable and short lifespans. Therefore, when people use more plastic bags for their buying, but those are not decomposed properly and fall into the lakes or rives, polluting the water sources and effect on animal habitats. Secondly, the increasing of costumer’s demand leads to mass production in the factories. The factories use fossil fuel to manufacture, releasing a significant amount of toxic emissions to the environment. Hence, this contributes to air pollutions.

On the other hand, the government initiatives are effective ways to tackle the impact of mass product on nature. The government should educate people how impact using plastic products on the environment. Besides that, encouraging people use environmentally friendly-products such as paper straws or canvas bags when going to the market or even shopping center. Moreover, enforcing laws to limit use fossil fuels in manufacturing in the factories and use more renewable resources such as hydro, wind and solar energy in the long term. Therefore, the environment can become clean and green, enhancing the quality of human and animal lives.

In conclusion, the rising in production consumer goods causes to detrimental effect on the environment. However, the government initiatives are an effective method to deal with this problem.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "consumer goods usages" -> "consumption of consumer goods"
    Explanation: Replacing "consumer goods usages" with "consumption of consumer goods" provides a more precise and formal expression, avoiding the informal tone associated with "usages."

  2. "danger of the natural environment" -> "threat to the natural environment"
    Explanation: Substituting "danger of the natural environment" with "threat to the natural environment" enhances the formality of the phrase while maintaining clarity and precision in conveying the environmental issue.

  3. "the problem can address through" -> "the problem can be addressed through"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb form from "address" to "be addressed" adheres to proper grammar and formal language, improving the overall structure of the sentence.

  4. "due to the using of disposal products" -> "due to the use of disposable products"
    Explanation: Changing "using of disposal products" to "use of disposable products" ensures grammatical accuracy and a more formal tone in discussing the negative environmental impact of disposable items.

  5. "excessive of using plastic bags" -> "excessive use of plastic bags"
    Explanation: Adjusting "excessive of using" to "excessive use of" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains a formal tone.

  6. "fall into the lakes or rives" -> "fall into the lakes or rivers"
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "rives" to "rivers" ensures accuracy, and maintaining consistent spelling contributes to the essay’s formality.

  7. "pollution environments" -> "polluted environments"
    Explanation: Changing "pollution environments" to "polluted environments" results in a more grammatically accurate and formal expression.

  8. "short lifespans" -> "limited lifespans"
    Explanation: Substituting "short" with "limited" provides a more precise and academically appropriate description of the lifespans of plastic bags or boxes.

  9. "increasing of costumer’s demand" -> "increasing customer demand"
    Explanation: Adjusting "increasing of costumer’s demand" to "increasing customer demand" corrects the grammatical structure and improves the formality of the sentence.

  10. "mass production in the factories" -> "mass production in factories"
    Explanation: Removing the article "the" before "factories" aligns with formal usage in this context.

  11. "fossil fuel to manufacture" -> "fossil fuels for manufacturing"
    Explanation: Changing "fossil fuel to manufacture" to "fossil fuels for manufacturing" provides a more accurate and formal expression.

  12. "a significant amount of toxic emissions to the environment" -> "significant amounts of toxic emissions into the environment"
    Explanation: Adjusting "a significant amount of toxic emissions to the environment" to "significant amounts of toxic emissions into the environment" improves the grammatical structure and formality of the sentence.

  13. "impact using plastic products on the environment" -> "impact of using plastic products on the environment"
    Explanation: Changing "impact using plastic products on the environment" to "impact of using plastic products on the environment" corrects the preposition and maintains formal language.

  14. "encouraging people use" -> "encouraging people to use"
    Explanation: Correcting "encouraging people use" to "encouraging people to use" ensures proper grammar and formality.

  15. "laws to limit use fossil fuels" -> "laws to limit the use of fossil fuels"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "use" in "laws to limit use fossil fuels" improves grammatical accuracy and formality.

  16. "hydro, wind and solar energy" -> "hydro, wind, and solar energy"
    Explanation: Adding commas after "hydro" and "wind" ensures proper punctuation and maintains formality.

  17. "clean and green" -> "clean and environmentally friendly"
    Explanation: Expanding "clean and green" to "clean and environmentally friendly" provides a more specific and formal description of the desired environmental state.

  18. "rising in production consumer goods" -> "increase in the production of consumer goods"
    Explanation: Adjusting "rising in production consumer goods" to "increase in the production of consumer goods" improves grammatical accuracy and formality.

  19. "detrimental effect on the environment" -> "detrimental impact on the environment"
    Explanation: Substituting "effect" with "impact" enhances the precision of the phrase, maintaining academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "The consumer goods usages are growing, leading to the danger of the natural environment. In my opinion, there are several reasons for this, and the problem can address through the government initiatives."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction briefly states the problem but lacks a clear thesis that previews the main points to be discussed. A stronger introduction could explicitly outline the reasons behind the damage to the environment due to increased consumer goods and hint at the solutions that will be elaborated upon in the essay. This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
    • Improved example: "The rapid surge in consumer goods consumption poses a substantial threat to our environment. This essay will delve into the multifaceted reasons driving this perilous trend, focusing on the adverse impacts of disposable products and factory mass production. Furthermore, it will propose robust government-driven solutions aimed at mitigating these environmental hazards."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, there are two main reasons due to the using of disposal products and manufacturing in the factories."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While identifying the two key causes, the explanation lacks depth and clarity. Elaborate further on how these disposal products, such as plastic bags, contribute to environmental degradation. Providing specific examples or instances where these products have directly harmed the environment would strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, the rampant use of non-biodegradable disposables like plastic bags and containers directly contributes to environmental pollution. For instance, when disposed of improperly, these items persist in natural ecosystems, infiltrating water bodies, contaminating vital water sources, and disrupting the delicate balance of aquatic life."
  3. Quoted text: "Moreover, enforcing laws to limit use fossil fuels in manufacturing in the factories and use more renewable resources such as hydro, wind and solar energy in the long term."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion presents potential solutions, but they lack specificity and depth. Expanding on how these laws could be implemented effectively and the potential benefits of shifting towards renewable energy sources would bolster the solution-oriented aspect of the essay.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, stringent regulatory frameworks must be established to curtail the reliance on fossil fuels within manufacturing facilities. By implementing strict emission standards and incentivizing the adoption of renewable energy sources like hydro, wind, and solar power, governments can significantly mitigate the environmental toll of mass production."

Overall, the essay addresses the task by identifying causes and proposing governmental solutions. However, it would benefit from more detailed and vivid explanations of the causes’ impacts on the environment and more nuanced and detailed solutions. Expanding on examples and specific instances would significantly enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. The overall organization of ideas is clear, with a logical progression throughout the essay. The introduction introduces the topic, and each body paragraph discusses a specific aspect of the causes and solutions. Transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth, contributing to the overall cohesion. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion within and between sentences. For example, in the first paragraph, the sentence "On the one hand, there are two main reasons due to the using of disposal products and manufacturing in the factories" lacks clarity due to awkward phrasing.

While there is an attempt to use cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, there are instances of underuse and overuse, impacting the overall fluency of the essay. For instance, the use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" is appropriate for presenting contrasting ideas, but a greater variety of cohesive devices could enhance the essay’s coherence.

Paragraphing is generally logical, with clear central topics in each paragraph. However, there are areas where paragraphing could be improved for better organization. The essay would benefit from a more defined conclusion that summarizes the key points and reinforces the thesis.

How to improve:

  1. Refine sentence structures for better clarity, especially in presenting contrasting ideas.
  2. Increase the variety of cohesive devices to enhance fluency.
  3. Review and improve paragraphing for a more logical and organized flow.
  4. Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing key points and reinforcing the thesis statement.

Overall, the essay is coherent and cohesive, but there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices and the refinement of sentence structures.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. The writer uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The essay effectively addresses the causes of environmental damage from the increase in consumer goods production and proposes solutions. There is a variety of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "disposal products," "biodegradable," "mass production," "fossil fuel," "toxic emissions," and "renewable resources." The essay generally conveys ideas clearly, and the use of language is suitable for an academic context. However, there are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, such as "usages" (usage), "pollution environments" (polluted environments), "costumer’s" (customer’s), and "impact using" (the impact of using). These errors, while noticeable, do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To improve lexical resource, the writer should focus on using accurate vocabulary and paying attention to word forms. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will help enhance the overall clarity and precision of the language. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of complex vocabulary, particularly in addressing solutions, could elevate the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to a fair level of grammatical range. There are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, but they rarely obstruct communication. The writer uses a range of structures but with some inconsistencies, and there are instances of awkward phrasing.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures for better coherence. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and eliminate errors in punctuation. Additionally, ensure the use of appropriate articles and prepositions to enhance precision. Proofreading for clarity and coherence would further improve the overall grammatical quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The use of consumer goods is on the rise, posing a threat to the natural environment. In my view, there are several reasons for this, and the issue can be addressed through government initiatives.

On one hand, two main factors contribute to this problem: the use of disposable products and mass manufacturing in factories. Firstly, the excessive use of plastic bags or boxes results in environmental pollution. Plastic bags and boxes are non-biodegradable and have short lifespans. Consequently, when people use more plastic bags for their purchases, these items do not decompose properly and end up in lakes or rivers, polluting water sources and affecting animal habitats. Secondly, the increasing demand from consumers leads to mass production in factories, which use fossil fuels, releasing a significant amount of toxic emissions into the environment, contributing to air pollution.

On the other hand, government initiatives are effective in mitigating the impact of mass production on nature. The government should educate people about the environmental impact of using plastic products. Additionally, encouraging the use of environmentally friendly products, such as paper straws or canvas bags, when going to the market or shopping centers is crucial. Moreover, enforcing laws to limit the use of fossil fuels in factory manufacturing and promoting the use of renewable resources, such as hydro, wind, and solar energy in the long term, can contribute to a cleaner and greener environment, enhancing the quality of human and animal lives.

In conclusion, the increase in the production of consumer goods has a detrimental effect on the environment. Nevertheless, government initiatives are an effective method to address this problem.

Bài viết liên quan

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice