The increase in the production of customer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this and what can be done to solve the problem?
The expansion of industrial activities, particularly in the production of customer foods t has led to exert to detrimental influences on the ecosystem. The phenomenon can be attributable to a host of reasons, which are addressed by several solutions.
The predominant reason for the loss of ecosystem is the introduction of single-use products which are made out of no-biodegradable. In specific, those materials take millions of years to be naturally degraded. This means the flora and fauna surrounded by large garbage dumps could be destroyed, thereby leading to ecological imbalance. Moreover, the increasing emission of greenhouse gases also leave to disastrous on ecodiversity. Meeting higher demands of inhabitants, mang companies might be expand the scales of industrial zones. Especially, nowadays, most machines run on fossil fuels and concurrently emit carbon dioxide, which is the main cause leading to change climate. For Example, The increase in temperature, results in the ice of two poles melting. This means that will loss of shelter of some species such as the polar bear.
There are several solutions to tackle with ecosystem imbalance. Firstly, the government can take urgently by imposing heavy penalties on companies releasing untreated waste. Besides, authorities also should encourage to switch into the use of renewable energy sources such as solar, and wind power. This can significantly reduce the high level of air and land pollution. Secondly, individuals should be aware of the importance of the loss of ecosystem. We could have a contribution to positive changes to my planet by limiting disposable items. For example, we can make use of multi-times with glass cups and draw cups instead of using plastic ones. This will lower the amount of impossible garbage.
Although there are a lot of reasons impact on the earth, I believe that collective actions from the government and individuals could alleviate those impacts.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"customer foods" -> "consumer goods"
Explanation: Replacing "customer foods" with "consumer goods" provides a more formal and precise term to refer to products produced by industrial activities.
"exert to detrimental influences" -> "exert detrimental influences"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase "exert to detrimental influences" to "exert detrimental influences" improves clarity and adheres to a more concise academic style.
"are addressed by several solutions" -> "can be addressed by various solutions"
Explanation: Changing "are addressed by several solutions" to "can be addressed by various solutions" maintains formality and introduces a more varied vocabulary.
"loss of ecosystem" -> "disruption of the ecosystem"
Explanation: Replacing "loss of ecosystem" with "disruption of the ecosystem" provides a more nuanced and precise description of the environmental impact.
"made out of no-biodegradable" -> "made of non-biodegradable materials"
Explanation: Simplifying "made out of no-biodegradable" to "made of non-biodegradable materials" enhances clarity and adheres to a more formal language structure.
"flora and fauna surrounded by large garbage dumps could be destroyed" -> "flora and fauna in proximity to extensive waste sites may be devastated"
Explanation: Substituting "surrounded by large garbage dumps could be destroyed" with "in proximity to extensive waste sites may be devastated" employs a more sophisticated vocabulary and structure.
"leave to disastrous on ecodiversity" -> "have disastrous effects on biodiversity"
Explanation: Correcting "leave to disastrous on ecodiversity" to "have disastrous effects on biodiversity" maintains formal language and ensures grammatical accuracy.
"mang companies might be expand the scales of industrial zones" -> "large companies might expand the scale of industrial zones"
Explanation: Rectifying "mang companies might be expand the scales of industrial zones" to "large companies might expand the scale of industrial zones" improves grammatical correctness and clarity.
"especially, nowadays" -> "particularly in the present era"
Explanation: Substituting "especially, nowadays" with "particularly in the present era" maintains formality and avoids colloquial language.
"draw cups" -> "reusable cups"
Explanation: Changing "draw cups" to "reusable cups" provides a more accurate and formal term for cups that can be used multiple times.
"lower the amount of impossible garbage" -> "reduce the volume of non-biodegradable waste"
Explanation: Replacing "lower the amount of impossible garbage" with "reduce the volume of non-biodegradable waste" offers a more precise and formal expression.
"there are a lot of reasons impact on the earth" -> "various factors impact the Earth"
Explanation: Adjusting "there are a lot of reasons impact on the earth" to "various factors impact the Earth" improves the sentence’s structure and clarity.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both causes and solutions to the environmental damage resulting from the increase in the production of consumer goods. The causes mentioned include the use of non-biodegradable materials and the emission of greenhouse gases from industrial activities. The proposed solutions involve government intervention, penalties for companies, and individual actions to reduce disposable items.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, ensure that each point is elaborated with specific examples. Provide more details on the negative impacts of single-use products and greenhouse gas emissions. Additionally, explicitly connect each cause to its corresponding solution for a more coherent structure.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, emphasizing that the increase in industrial activities, especially in the production of consumer goods, is detrimental to the environment. The writer expresses a belief in collective actions from both the government and individuals to alleviate these impacts.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider integrating the thesis statement more explicitly in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This will reinforce the stance and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the causes and solutions, but some points lack development and examples. For instance, the discussion on the introduction of single-use products and greenhouse gas emissions could benefit from more elaboration and specific illustrations.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, provide more in-depth explanations and real-world examples for each cause and solution. This will not only strengthen the essay’s argumentation but also enhance the overall persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing causes and solutions related to the environmental impact of increased production of consumer goods. However, there are some instances of unclear expression, such as "The phenomenon can be attributable to a host of reasons."
- How to improve: Focus on enhancing the clarity of expression and ensuring that each point contributes directly to the main topic. Avoid vague statements and aim for precision in language use to improve overall coherence.
In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt, there is room for improvement in terms of providing more detailed examples, explicitly connecting causes to solutions, reinforcing the thesis throughout, and enhancing overall clarity and coherence in expression.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a logical organization, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas is disrupted, such as the abrupt transition between discussing single-use products and greenhouse gas emissions. The lack of clear progression hinders the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider establishing clear transitions between ideas and ensuring that each paragraph builds upon the previous one. Provide a smoother transition between discussing different causes and their effects on the environment.
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs but does so inconsistently. There is an evident lack of clear topic sentences, making it challenging for the reader to discern the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, contributing to a lack of focus.
- How to improve: Work on structuring paragraphs with a clear topic sentence at the beginning, followed by supporting details. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea or aspect of the argument. This will contribute to a more organized and reader-friendly essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks diversity in cohesive devices. While some linking words and phrases are used (e.g., "moreover," "for example"), their usage is limited. This impacts the overall flow and cohesiveness of the essay, making it less smooth and interconnected.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices, including transition words and phrases, pronouns, and repetition, to create a more coherent and fluid connection between sentences and ideas. This will help guide the reader through the essay more smoothly.
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in terms of logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more effective and impactful essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to incorporate varied terms, such as "ecosystem imbalance," "biodegradable," "ecodiversity," and "renewable energy sources." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there is room for improvement in introducing more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance expression.
- How to improve: To elevate the vocabulary, the writer could consider incorporating more academic and domain-specific terms related to environmental issues. For instance, instead of frequently using broad terms like "ecosystem," specific elements like "biodiversity," "habitat degradation," or "sustainable practices" could be employed to convey a deeper understanding of the subject.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally lacks precision in vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "customer foods" appears to be a typographical error, and "draw cups" may be intended as "disposable cups." Precision can be enhanced by choosing words that accurately convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: Proofreading is crucial to identify and rectify typographical errors. Additionally, focusing on the selection of precise words is essential. For instance, instead of "draw cups," the writer could use "disposable cups" or "single-use cups" for clarity and accuracy.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "customer foods," "ecosystem is the introduction," "no-biodegradable," "leave to disastrous on ecodiversity," and "mang companies might be expand." These errors hinder the overall impression of language accuracy.
- How to improve: Regular spell checks and proofreading before submission are critical to addressing spelling errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling pitfalls and practicing correct usage can contribute to improved spelling accuracy.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, enhancing the range and precision of vocabulary, along with meticulous attention to spelling accuracy, will contribute to an even stronger presentation. The writer should focus on incorporating more specific and sophisticated terms related to environmental issues and carefully proofreading the essay to eliminate spelling errors.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. It employs simple and compound sentences, but there’s room for improvement in the usage of complex sentences. For instance, the essay lacks the use of subordinate clauses and intricate sentence structures that would enhance the overall complexity. A greater diversity in sentence structures would elevate the overall quality of expression and contribute to a more sophisticated tone.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For example, instead of relying solely on simple sentences, introduce sentences with dependent clauses to express relationships between ideas. This will add depth to your writing and contribute to a more nuanced expression of your thoughts.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays several grammatical and punctuation errors that impact its clarity. There are instances of subject-verb agreement issues, such as "mang companies might be expand," and punctuation errors, such as missing commas and improper use of articles, e.g., "the production of customer foods t." These errors can hinder the reader’s understanding and need attention for better precision in conveying ideas.
- How to improve: Careful proofreading is crucial to identify and rectify grammatical errors. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to catch errors that might have been overlooked. Familiarizing yourself with common grammar rules and practicing their application can significantly improve accuracy. For example, review the use of articles in sentences and ensure that subjects and verbs agree in number and tense. This will contribute to a more polished and error-free essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
The surge in the production of consumer goods has resulted in adverse effects on the natural environment. This environmental degradation is primarily attributed to various factors and can be addressed through multiple solutions.
A major cause of ecosystem damage is the widespread use of single-use products made from non-biodegradable materials. These materials take an extensive amount of time to decompose naturally, posing a threat to the flora and fauna near vast waste sites. The consequence is a potential devastation of the local ecosystem and a disturbance in ecological balance. Additionally, the escalating emission of greenhouse gases contributes to disastrous effects on biodiversity. The demand for goods drives large companies to expand industrial zones, especially in the present era where many machines rely on fossil fuels, emitting carbon dioxide and contributing to climate change. For instance, the rising temperatures lead to the melting of polar ice, endangering species like the polar bear by destroying their habitats.
Various solutions can be implemented to counteract this imbalance in the ecosystem. The government plays a crucial role by imposing hefty penalties on companies releasing untreated waste, thereby compelling them to adopt more environmentally friendly practices. Furthermore, authorities should encourage the adoption of renewable energy sources such as solar and wind power to reduce air and land pollution significantly.
Individuals also have a vital role in addressing this issue. Raising awareness about the importance of preserving the ecosystem is essential. By making simple yet impactful changes in daily habits, such as using reusable cups instead of disposable ones, individuals can contribute to reducing the volume of non-biodegradable waste. For instance, opting for glass or metal cups over plastic ones can be a practical step to lower the generation of harmful garbage.
In conclusion, while various factors impact the Earth, collective actions from both the government and individuals can alleviate the detrimental effects on the environment. Urgent measures, such as imposing penalties and promoting renewable energy, coupled with individual efforts to reduce disposable items, can contribute to a more sustainable and balanced ecosystem.