The increase in the use of social media by children and teenagers. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

The youth's pervasive use of social media has sparked a fierce debate about whether this is beneficial or harmful to children and youngsters. I firmly believe that while there are some drawbacks associated with the increased use of social media among the young population, the benefits it offers can eclipse them.

On the one hand, increasing social media usage among teenagers and children may pose a risk to their health and confidence. Regarding the former, the content on many social platforms is well-known for its short duration and entertaining content; thus, young people may become addicted to this content and spend most of their time scrolling for the next video, which can deter them from engaging in healthy activities such as sports. In the long term, this will lead to the possibility of many health-related issues, for instance, obesity. Another potential drawback is that content on social media can damage users’ self-esteem. An illustration of this is that a majority of content creators on Instagram and Facebook tend to exaggerate their high income. As a result, this content can make impressionable youngsters lose their self-worth and confidence.

However, I firmly believe that the benefits of social platforms are more crucial. Youngsters are generally known for their innate passion to expand their social circles and stay updated about the latest pieces of information on the media. In the past, without social platforms, communicating and sharing information was limited to face-to-face interaction which may deter users from catching up with the most recent information and making new friends. Fortunately, while social platforms can foster an expansion of individuals’ networks and connections, due to their global connectivity and sophisticated algorithms, they can provide a platform for people to share their valuable stories and experiences. Hence the demand for a wide social circle and sharing of the young population is satisfied. Moreover, social platforms are vast reservoirs of knowledge since many specialists contribute their knowledge to the community through these platforms. To elucidate, students in Vietnam can seek good ideas from many literature-specialized users on Facebook, assisting them in generating ideas for their exams. As a result, this education-sharing feature of social media can help disseminate knowledge to students, forming a more knowledgeable student community.

In summary, social media can inflict substantial damage to the health and confidence of the young population due to their addictive and harmful content. Nevertheless, since it can satisfy the inquisitive nature of individuals and deliver a wealth of knowledge to our communities, I am on the side that the benefits involved in increasing the use of social media among children and teenagers are much more of importance.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The youth’s pervasive use" -> "The widespread use among youth"
Explanation: "The youth’s pervasive use" is somewhat awkward and unclear. "The widespread use among youth" is more direct and maintains a formal tone suitable for academic writing.
"fierce debate" -> "intensive debate"
Explanation: "Fierce" can imply a strong emotional tone, which is less appropriate in academic contexts. "Intensive" is more neutral and academically suitable.
"I firmly believe" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "I firmly believe" introduces a personal opinion, which is less formal in academic writing. "It is evident that" presents a more objective, scholarly tone.
"the benefits it offers can eclipse them" -> "the benefits it offers outweigh the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Eclipse" is metaphorical and might be unclear in this context. "Outweigh the drawbacks" is a clearer and more direct expression of comparative advantage.
"Regarding the former" -> "Regarding the first point"
Explanation: "Regarding the former" is vague and less formal. "Regarding the first point" is clearer and more direct, enhancing the structure of the argument.
"well-known for its short duration and entertaining content" -> "characterized by its brevity and entertainment value"
Explanation: "Well-known for its short duration and entertaining content" is verbose and informal. "Characterized by its brevity and entertainment value" is more concise and formal.
"spend most of their time scrolling for the next video" -> "spend considerable time scrolling for the next video"
Explanation: "Most of their time" is too absolute and informal. "Considerable time" is more precise and maintains a formal tone.
"will lead to the possibility of many health-related issues" -> "may lead to various health issues"
Explanation: "The possibility of many health-related issues" is redundant. "May lead to various health issues" is more direct and avoids redundancy.
"An illustration of this is that" -> "This is exemplified by"
Explanation: "An illustration of this is that" is verbose and less formal. "This is exemplified by" is concise and fits academic style better.
"make impressionable youngsters lose their self-worth and confidence" -> "cause impressionable youngsters to lose their self-worth and confidence"
Explanation: "Make" is too informal and direct for academic writing. "Cause" is more formal and appropriate for an academic context.
"Youngsters are generally known for their innate passion" -> "Young people are typically characterized by their innate passion"
Explanation: "Youngsters" is informal and less precise. "Young people" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"communicating and sharing information was limited to face-to-face interaction" -> "communication and information sharing were limited to face-to-face interactions"
Explanation: "Communicating and sharing information" is awkwardly phrased. "Communication and information sharing" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"due to their global connectivity and sophisticated algorithms" -> "owing to their global connectivity and sophisticated algorithms"
Explanation: "Due to" is correct but can be replaced with "owing to" for a slightly more formal tone.
"vast reservoirs of knowledge" -> "significant repositories of knowledge"
Explanation: "Vast reservoirs" is metaphorical and less precise. "Significant repositories" is more direct and academically appropriate.
"students in Vietnam can seek good ideas from many literature-specialized users" -> "students in Vietnam can obtain valuable insights from numerous literature-specialized users"
Explanation: "Seek good ideas" is informal and vague. "Obtain valuable insights" is more precise and formal.
"disseminate knowledge to students, forming a more knowledgeable student community" -> "disseminate knowledge to students, thereby fostering a more knowledgeable student community"
Explanation: "Forming" is less formal and direct. "Fostering" is more precise and academically suitable.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of social media use among children and teenagers. The introduction clearly states the writer’s belief that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The body paragraphs are well-structured, with the first focusing on the negative impacts (health issues and self-esteem) and the second on the positive aspects (social connectivity and knowledge sharing). This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer could provide more specific examples or statistics to support claims about the negative impacts, such as citing studies on social media addiction or its effects on mental health. Additionally, including more concrete examples of how social media facilitates knowledge sharing would strengthen the argument for its benefits.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently asserting that the benefits of social media outweigh its drawbacks. Phrases like "I firmly believe" and "I am on the side that" reinforce the writer’s stance. However, the transition between discussing the negatives and positives could be smoother to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in focus, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," when moving from the drawbacks to the benefits. This would help guide the reader more effectively through the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and extends ideas well, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the benefits of social media are elaborated upon. The mention of social connectivity and knowledge sharing provides a solid foundation for the argument. However, some points, such as the health risks, could be further developed with more detailed explanations or examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or case studies, particularly for the negative impacts. For instance, discussing specific health studies related to social media use could enhance the argument’s credibility. Additionally, elaborating on how social media can facilitate learning with specific examples of platforms or programs would enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the implications of social media use among children and teenagers without deviating into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes directly to the central argument, maintaining relevance.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the writer should ensure that all examples directly relate to the prompt. For instance, when discussing knowledge sharing, it would be beneficial to tie this back to how it specifically impacts children and teenagers, rather than generalizing about users. This would reinforce the focus on the target demographic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the writer’s position. By incorporating more detailed examples and improving transitions, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and support for its arguments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. For instance, the first body paragraph addresses the drawbacks of social media, while the second focuses on its benefits, maintaining a balanced approach. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "However" helps to signal shifts in argument, contributing to the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This would provide clearer guidance on what each paragraph will discuss. Additionally, integrating transitional phrases that summarize the previous point before moving to the next could further strengthen the flow.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the negative impacts, while the second highlights the positive aspects of social media. This clear division aids readability and comprehension. However, the conclusion could be more distinct as a separate paragraph to emphasize the final thoughts.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is clearly separated from the body paragraphs to reinforce its importance. Additionally, consider breaking up longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas. This can help maintain reader engagement and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "however," "on the one hand," and "as a result," which effectively link ideas and arguments. These devices help to clarify relationships between points and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. The use of specific examples, such as "students in Vietnam can seek good ideas," also aids in illustrating points and maintaining cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using alternatives to "however," such as "nevertheless" or "on the contrary," can add variety. Additionally, consider using more complex cohesive devices, such as referencing back to earlier points or summarizing key arguments before transitioning to new ideas, which can further enhance the essay’s cohesiveness.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "pervasive," "exaggerate," "innate passion," and "reservoirs of knowledge." These choices reflect an understanding of nuanced language and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances of repetition, particularly with the phrases "social media" and "youngsters," which could be varied to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of repeatedly using "social media," you could use "digital platforms," "online networks," or "virtual communities." Similarly, "youngsters" could be replaced with "youth," "adolescents," or "teenagers" to add variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "this content can make impressionable youngsters lose their self-worth" could be more effectively articulated. The term "impressionable" is appropriate, but the phrase "lose their self-worth" could be replaced with "diminish their self-esteem" for greater clarity and impact.
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choices to enhance precision. Consider using a thesaurus to find more specific alternatives that convey your intended meaning more accurately. For example, instead of "damaging," you might use "detrimental" or "harmful" in contexts where you want to emphasize severity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words like "confidence," "exaggerate," and "knowledge" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: While spelling is strong, it is always beneficial to maintain this level of accuracy. To ensure continued success, consider implementing a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools, to catch any potential errors before final submission. Additionally, familiarizing yourself with commonly misspelled words can further enhance your writing quality.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, with room for improvement in vocabulary range and precision. By incorporating these suggestions, you can elevate your writing to achieve an even higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "the content on many social platforms is well-known for its short duration and entertaining content" effectively convey detailed information. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "if social platforms can foster an expansion of individuals’ networks," adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as starting multiple sentences with "social media" or "youngsters," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use participial phrases or relative clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "social media," the writer could rephrase to include phrases like "Given the rise of social media," or "In light of social media’s influence." This would not only improve the flow but also keep the reader engaged.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "the possibility of many health-related issues, for instance, obesity" is clear and correctly punctuated. However, there are a few awkward constructions, such as "the benefits it offers can eclipse them," which could be more precisely articulated as "the benefits it offers often outweigh the drawbacks." Additionally, some punctuation, particularly in longer sentences, could be improved for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence clarity and punctuation. Breaking down longer sentences into shorter, more digestible parts can help. For instance, the sentence "Fortunately, while social platforms can foster an expansion of individuals’ networks and connections, due to their global connectivity and sophisticated algorithms, they can provide a platform for people to share their valuable stories and experiences" could be split for better readability. Furthermore, reviewing the use of commas, especially in complex sentences, will help ensure that ideas are clearly separated and easily understood.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in sentence variety and clarity. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can elevate their writing to an even higher level.

Bài sửa mẫu

The widespread use among youth of social media has sparked an intensive debate about whether this trend is beneficial or harmful to children and teenagers. I firmly believe that while there are some drawbacks associated with the increased use of social media among the young population, the benefits it offers outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, the increasing social media usage among teenagers and children may pose risks to their health and confidence. Regarding the former, the content on many social platforms is characterized by its brevity and entertainment value; thus, young people may become addicted to this content and spend considerable time scrolling for the next video, which can deter them from engaging in healthy activities such as sports. In the long term, this may lead to various health issues, such as obesity. Another potential drawback is that content on social media can damage users’ self-esteem. This is exemplified by the fact that a majority of content creators on Instagram and Facebook tend to exaggerate their high income. As a result, this content can cause impressionable youngsters to lose their self-worth and confidence.

However, I firmly believe that the benefits of social platforms are more crucial. Young people are typically characterized by their innate passion to expand their social circles and stay updated about the latest information. In the past, communication and information sharing were limited to face-to-face interactions, which may have deterred users from catching up with the most recent news and making new friends. Fortunately, social platforms can foster an expansion of individuals’ networks and connections. Owing to their global connectivity and sophisticated algorithms, they provide a platform for people to share their valuable stories and experiences. Hence, the demand for a wide social circle and sharing among the young population is satisfied. Moreover, social platforms serve as significant repositories of knowledge, as many specialists contribute their expertise to the community through these platforms. To elucidate, students in Vietnam can obtain valuable insights from numerous literature-specialized users on Facebook, assisting them in generating ideas for their exams. As a result, this education-sharing feature of social media can help disseminate knowledge to students, thereby fostering a more knowledgeable student community.

In summary, social media can inflict substantial damage to the health and confidence of the young population due to its addictive and harmful content. Nevertheless, since it can satisfy the inquisitive nature of individuals and deliver a wealth of knowledge to our communities, I am of the opinion that the benefits involved in the increasing use of social media among children and teenagers are of greater importance.