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THE INCREASING AVAILABILITY OF LOW-COST AIRLINES NOW LETS PEOPLE TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD. SOME FEEL THIS IS A POSITIVE DEVELOPMENT WHILE OTHERS THINK IT IS NEGATIVE OVERALL. DISCUSS BOTH SIDES AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.

THE INCREASING AVAILABILITY OF LOW-COST AIRLINES NOW LETS PEOPLE TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD. SOME FEEL THIS IS A POSITIVE DEVELOPMENT WHILE OTHERS THINK IT IS NEGATIVE OVERALL. DISCUSS BOTH SIDES AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.

In contemporary society, one question that has caused a great deal of controversy at the present is that minimizing the cost of airlines can lead to the growth of travelling around the world. Some people hold the view that this change can had many benefits while others are opinion that it also brings drawback in general. This essay intends to discuss these views in depth.
To begin with, the fact remains that low-cost air fare is a welfare for numerous travellers. To be more specific, instead of using other mean of transports such as train and boat, commuters can utilize plane, which is one of convenient transport in the world so as to save their time and money. Therefore, it is noteworthy that this method has ability to bring a golden opportunity for poor residents. Furthermore, only by reducing airline expenditures can people get great living condition via the holiday journey which can relive stresses and tensions. For instance, in this modern era, people are more likely to spend their time in a out-of-the-way places like a reward after a rainy year. Thanks to this phenomenon, there is a significant percentage of thriving at living condition, enhancing the standard of society.
On the other hand, it is worth pointing out that this approach also had its negative site. First and foremost, there is a sense among expert that airline industry is a one of wealth main sectors in Viet Nam. Relying on this category, the government can receive high profits to issue for others fee. Take health care as an illustration, the tax from inhabitant cannot fulfill other expenditures, so the states have to ascend cost airlines to gain the balance in financial society. In addition, that is understandable why numerous humans believe that low-cost airlines can give rise to a sustainable unemployment rate. If people want to alleviate plane fares, they have to minimize staff salaries. Consequently, this situation is a major culprit for brain drain and collapsed structure workforce.
In conclusion, this phenomenon has both upsides and downsides. Nevertheless, I firmly convinced that in other to balancing this society, this approach is not a necessary change. Although it has abundant benefits, I still hold the view that government should pay attention for foremost sectors.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "that minimizing the cost of airlines can lead to the growth of travelling around the world" -> "that reducing airline costs can foster global travel"
    Explanation: The revised phrase maintains the original idea but expresses it more concisely and with a more formal tone.

  2. "Some people hold the view that this change can had many benefits" -> "Some individuals contend that this shift can yield numerous benefits"
    Explanation: The replacement eliminates the grammatical error ("can had") and introduces a more formal phrase ("contend") to express viewpoints.

  3. "train and boat, commuters can utilize plane, which is one of convenient transport in the world" -> "train and boat, commuters can opt for air travel, a highly convenient mode of transportation worldwide"
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance clarity, replace informal language with more formal alternatives, and provide a precise description of air travel.

  4. "To be more specific, instead of using other mean of transports" -> "To be more specific, rather than opting for alternative modes of transportation"
    Explanation: The revision corrects the usage of "mean" to "mode" and employs a more formal expression for clarity.

  5. "this method has ability to bring a golden opportunity" -> "this approach has the ability to provide a valuable opportunity"
    Explanation: The improved phrase uses more formal language ("approach" instead of "method") and enhances the precision of the statement.

  6. "via the holiday journey which can relive stresses and tensions" -> "through holiday journeys that can alleviate stresses and tensions"
    Explanation: The revised sentence improves grammar, replaces informal language, and maintains a formal tone.

  7. "in this modern era, people are more likely to spend their time in a out-of-the-way places like a reward after a rainy year" -> "in the contemporary era, individuals are inclined to spend their time in secluded places as a reward after challenging periods"
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality, correct grammar, and offer a more sophisticated expression of the idea.

  8. "there is a sense among expert that airline industry is a one of wealth main sectors in Viet Nam" -> "experts sense that the airline industry is one of the key wealth sectors in Vietnam"
    Explanation: The revised sentence corrects grammar, uses a more formal term ("experts"), and improves clarity.

  9. "the tax from inhabitant cannot fulfill other expenditures" -> "taxes from inhabitants cannot cover additional expenditures"
    Explanation: The replacement improves grammar and uses a more formal expression for clarity.

  10. "states have to ascend cost airlines to gain the balance in financial society" -> "governments may need to increase airline costs to maintain financial equilibrium"
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance formality, correct grammar, and provide a more precise expression of the idea.

  11. "that is understandable why numerous humans believe that low-cost airlines can give rise to a sustainable unemployment rate" -> "it is understandable why many individuals believe that low-cost airlines can contribute to a sustainable unemployment rate"
    Explanation: The revision improves grammar, uses more formal language ("individuals" instead of "humans"), and enhances clarity.

  12. "If people want to alleviate plane fares, they have to minimize staff salaries" -> "To reduce plane fares, individuals must consider reducing staff salaries"
    Explanation: The suggested changes improve formality, clarify the statement, and use a more precise term ("reduce" instead of "minimize").

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the prompt, discussing the positive and negative aspects of low-cost airlines. However, the analysis is somewhat brief and lacks depth. The essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the advantages and disadvantages.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, consider providing more specific examples and elaborating on each point. Delve deeper into the positive and negative impacts of low-cost airlines on travel and society.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay’s stance is somewhat clear, favoring the benefits of low-cost airlines but suggesting a need for government attention to other sectors. However, the expression of the author’s opinion is somewhat convoluted, and the overall position could be more explicitly stated.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, explicitly state the author’s position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Ensure that the support for this position is evident throughout the essay with clear and consistent language.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks thorough development and support. There is a need for more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen the argument. Some statements are vague and could be further clarified.
    • How to improve: Work on expanding each point with specific examples, evidence, or reasoning. Avoid generalizations, and ensure that each idea is thoroughly explained to provide a more robust argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but tends to lose focus in certain sections, especially when discussing the impact of low-cost airlines on the government’s revenue. These sections may not directly address the prompt.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every paragraph directly relates to the prompt. Be cautious of digressions, and consistently tie your ideas back to the central theme of the advantages and disadvantages of low-cost airlines.

In summary, while the essay provides a reasonable analysis of the prompt, improvements can be made in addressing all aspects of the question, maintaining a clearer position, developing and supporting ideas more thoroughly, and ensuring a consistent focus on the topic throughout. Consider incorporating specific examples and refining language to enhance the overall cohesiveness and persuasiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, there are instances where the organization could be improved. For example, the introduction is a bit convoluted in expressing the controversy, and the transition between discussing the positive and negative aspects could be smoother. The flow of ideas is sometimes hindered by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between sentences and paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on creating a more concise and clear introduction. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs by using cohesive devices and maintaining a clear progression of ideas. Use topic sentences to guide the reader through each paragraph’s main point.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but the structure and effectiveness are inconsistent. Paragraphs lack unity, and ideas within them are not always well-developed. For instance, the second paragraph contains several ideas without clear separation, making it challenging for the reader to follow. Effective paragraphing involves presenting one main idea per paragraph and supporting it adequately.
    • How to improve: Work on developing a clear structure for each paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph has a central theme, and supporting ideas are presented logically. Use topic sentences to introduce the main point of each paragraph, and consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs for clarity.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, but there is room for improvement. The use of linking words and phrases is inconsistent, affecting the overall coherence. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices to create smoother connections between ideas.
    • How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., however, therefore, furthermore) to improve the overall coherence. Experiment with a wider range of cohesive devices, including pronouns, parallel structure, and repetition, to create stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of ideas and make the essay more cohesive.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, refinement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices would contribute to a more polished and effective response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to use varied words, there is room for improvement in showcasing a more diverse and sophisticated vocabulary. For example, the repetition of certain words like "travelling," "cost," and "sector" could be minimized to enhance variety. Additionally, the phrase "low-cost air fare" could be replaced with alternatives like "budget-friendly air travel" to add variety.

    • How to improve: To broaden the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring more nuanced expressions. Replace repetitive words with their synonyms, and experiment with different expressions to convey the same idea. For instance, instead of frequently using "low-cost," try alternatives like "economical," "affordable," or "budget-friendly." This can elevate the lexical richness of your essay.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses imprecise vocabulary, affecting the clarity of ideas. For example, the phrase "this change can had many benefits" contains a grammatical error and could be more precisely stated as "this change can have many benefits." Additionally, the use of "had its negative site" could be revised to "had its drawbacks" for clarity.

    • How to improve: Pay close attention to grammar and word choice to ensure precision. Proofread your essay for grammatical errors and consider using a variety of sentence structures to enhance clarity. Be mindful of article usage (e.g., "a one of wealth main sectors") and refine your sentences for smoother and more precise communication.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of correct and incorrect spellings. For instance, "mean of transports" should be corrected to "means of transport," and "relive stresses" should be revised to "relieve stresses." Addressing these spelling errors will contribute to a more polished and accurate essay.

    • How to improve: Take extra care in proofreading to catch spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar checking tools to enhance accuracy. Additionally, practice writing with a focus on correct spelling, and gradually build a habit of double-checking your work before submission.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6.5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate range of sentence structures. While there is an attempt at complexity, such as in the opening sentence, "One question that has caused a great deal of controversy at the present is that minimizing the cost of airlines can lead to the growth of travelling around the world," the overall structure remains somewhat repetitive. Simple sentences are predominant, affecting the variety and fluency of the text.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, incorporate a more diverse range of sentence structures. Consider using compound and complex sentences to express ideas more elaborately. For example, break down longer sentences into clearer components to improve coherence.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical and punctuation errors that impact its clarity. For instance, "can had" should be "can have," "a welfare" should be "a benefit," "mean of transports" should be "means of transport," and "to balancing" should be "to balance." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and inconsistent capitalization, are also present. These issues impede the overall accuracy of the essay.
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to grammar and punctuation rules. Review verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Additionally, proofread for punctuation errors, ensuring consistent application throughout the essay. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to identify and rectify errors effectively.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to address the prompt with a mix of strengths and weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy. Focusing on sentence variety, grammatical correctness, and punctuation precision will contribute to an improved overall score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, a contentious issue revolves around the idea that reducing airline costs can foster global travel. Some individuals contend that this shift can yield numerous benefits, while others argue that it brings drawbacks. This essay aims to explore both perspectives in detail.

To start with, the availability of low-cost air travel is considered a boon for many travelers. To be more specific, rather than opting for alternative modes of transportation, such as trains and boats, commuters can opt for air travel, a highly convenient mode of transportation worldwide, saving both time and money. This approach has the ability to provide a valuable opportunity for individuals, especially those with limited financial means. Furthermore, by reducing airline expenditures, people can enjoy improved living conditions through holiday journeys that can alleviate stresses and tensions. For example, in the contemporary era, individuals are inclined to spend their time in secluded places as a reward after challenging periods, contributing to an enhanced standard of living.

On the flip side, it is worth noting that this approach also has its negative aspects. Firstly, experts sense that the airline industry is one of the key wealth sectors in Vietnam. Relying on this category, the government can generate high profits to cover other expenses. Take healthcare as an illustration; taxes from inhabitants cannot cover additional expenditures, prompting the government to increase airline costs to maintain financial equilibrium. Moreover, it is understandable why many individuals believe that low-cost airlines can contribute to a sustainable unemployment rate. To reduce plane fares, individuals must consider reducing staff salaries, leading to potential issues such as brain drain and a weakened workforce structure.

In conclusion, the increasing availability of low-cost airlines has both upsides and downsides. While it offers benefits in terms of convenient and affordable travel, it also poses challenges related to economic sectors and employment. Nevertheless, it is my firm conviction that, for the sake of societal balance, this approach is not a necessary change. Despite its abundant benefits, attention should be directed towards prioritizing essential sectors, recognizing the need for a comprehensive and balanced approach.

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