The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before. What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap ?

There is a disproportion in the comparative income of the wealthy and poor countries, and it’s currently getting more distinct. While the richest countries are becoming wealthier, developing or undeveloped nations are facing severe social issues and financial distress. This essay will illuminate the cause of this phenomenon and highlight the solution to bridge this gap.
The principal reason behind the global income inequality is the brain drain. The capable and skilled persons of developing countries move to the developed states to seek new opportunities; they leave and have better living standards, so this makes more and more people make the same decision. For example, the Philippines is known for producing a substantial number of qualified and experienced nurses every year, but they have low wages and limited career opportunities in their country; many of them choose to work in the United States or Canada because of higher salaries and a better quality of life. As a result, many undeveloped and developing countries like the Philippines lose their talents while the host countries where their talents settle have benefited.
To lighten this problem, there is a possible solution to tackle it. The government should offer better career opportunities; this includes addressing issues such as long working hours and limited career advancement opportunities; it will create an environment where employees are satisfied and provide a healthy work culture. This, in turn, will contribute to the development of the country and reduce economic disparities.
To conclude, economic development has always been dissimilar between rich and poor countries all over the world, and the governments of the poor nations should concentrate on solving the main problem that causes income inequality to help their nation get a better future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is a disproportion in the comparative income of the wealthy and poor countries" -> "There is a disparity in the comparative income of wealthy and poor countries"
Explanation: "Disproportion" is not typically used to describe income differences between countries. "Disparity" is more appropriate and commonly used in academic contexts to describe differences in income or wealth.
"it’s currently getting more distinct" -> "it is currently becoming more pronounced"
Explanation: "It’s" is a contraction and should be avoided in formal writing. "Becoming more pronounced" is a more formal and precise way to describe the increasing nature of the disparity.
"developing or undeveloped nations" -> "developing or underdeveloped nations"
Explanation: "Underdeveloped" is a more precise term in academic contexts, as it specifically refers to nations that have not yet reached a level of economic development.
"The capable and skilled persons" -> "the capable and skilled individuals"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal and precise term than "persons" in academic writing.
"make the same decision" -> "make similar decisions"
Explanation: "Make the same decision" is too simplistic and informal for academic writing. "Make similar decisions" is more appropriate and maintains a formal tone.
"have better living standards" -> "enjoy better living standards"
Explanation: "Enjoy" is more precise and formal than "have" in this context, emphasizing the positive aspect of improved living standards.
"To lighten this problem" -> "To alleviate this issue"
Explanation: "To lighten" is an informal expression and not suitable for academic writing. "To alleviate" is the correct term for addressing problems or issues in a formal context.
"better career opportunities; this includes addressing issues such as long working hours and limited career advancement opportunities" -> "better career opportunities, including addressing issues such as long working hours and limited career advancement opportunities"
Explanation: Removing the semicolon and replacing it with a comma improves the grammatical structure and flow of the sentence.
"it will create an environment where employees are satisfied and provide a healthy work culture" -> "it will foster an environment in which employees are satisfied and promote a healthy work culture"
Explanation: "Foster" and "promote" are more precise and formal verbs than "create" and "provide," enhancing the academic tone.
"economic development has always been dissimilar" -> "economic development has consistently differed"
Explanation: "Dissimilar" is not typically used to describe differences in development over time. "Consistently differed" is more accurate and formal.
"the governments of the poor nations should concentrate on solving the main problem" -> "governments of less developed nations should focus on addressing the primary issue"
Explanation: "Less developed" is a more precise term than "poor," and "focus on addressing the primary issue" is more formal and specific than "concentrate on solving the main problem."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively identifies one of the main causes of income inequality, specifically the issue of brain drain, and suggests a solution related to improving career opportunities. However, it does not fully address the second part of the prompt, which asks for additional causes of the inequality and further solutions. The essay could benefit from a more comprehensive exploration of both causes and solutions, as it only touches on one cause and one solution without delving into others that may also be relevant.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to identify at least two or three main causes of the inequality, such as historical factors, trade imbalances, or access to education. Similarly, offering multiple solutions, such as international cooperation or investment in education, would provide a more rounded response to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the causes of income inequality and the proposed solution. The introduction clearly states the intention to discuss causes and solutions, and the body paragraphs follow this structure. However, the conclusion could be more assertive in reiterating the writer’s stance on the importance of addressing both the causes and solutions.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph explicitly ties back to the main argument. Additionally, reinforcing the conclusion with a strong statement about the necessity of addressing both causes and solutions would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents the idea of brain drain effectively, using a specific example of Filipino nurses to illustrate the point. However, the development of this idea could be more robust. The solution presented is somewhat vague and lacks specific examples or evidence to support its effectiveness. The essay would benefit from further elaboration on how improving career opportunities could directly impact income inequality.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include more detailed explanations and examples for both the causes and the proposed solutions. For instance, discussing how specific policies or programs could be implemented to retain talent in developing countries would provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the inequality between rich and poor nations. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, while the mention of social issues is relevant, it could be more explicitly linked to the economic disparities being discussed.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central theme of income inequality. Avoiding tangential discussions and ensuring that all examples and solutions are clearly tied to the prompt will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it can be improved by expanding on the causes and solutions, providing more detailed support for ideas, and ensuring that all points remain tightly connected to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intention to discuss causes and solutions. The first body paragraph effectively identifies brain drain as a primary cause of income inequality, providing a relevant example of the Philippines. The second body paragraph transitions smoothly into solutions, maintaining a logical progression from problem identification to proposed remedies. However, the conclusion could be more explicitly tied back to the main points discussed, reinforcing the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider explicitly linking each paragraph back to the essay prompt. For instance, after discussing the causes, reiterate how these lead to the proposed solutions in the following paragraph. Additionally, a more robust conclusion that summarizes the key points and reiterates the significance of addressing the identified issues would strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with a clear distinction between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which aids readability and comprehension. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the solutions being proposed.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, in the second body paragraph, a sentence like "To address the issue of brain drain, governments must implement strategies to improve local job opportunities" would provide clarity and focus. Additionally, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "as a result," and "to conclude," which help to connect ideas and maintain flow. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For instance, the phrase "this includes" is used in a way that could be varied for better engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "this includes," consider alternatives like "such as," "for instance," or "in addition to." Furthermore, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "consequently," "therefore," or "on the other hand," can enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve the overall cohesion of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs. By focusing on enhancing logical connections, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "disproportion," "brain drain," and "economic disparities" effectively used to convey complex ideas. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "developing or undeveloped nations," which could have been varied to include synonyms or related terms such as "emerging economies" or "low-income countries." The phrase "severe social issues and financial distress" is also somewhat generic and could benefit from more specific vocabulary to enhance clarity and impact.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader variety of vocabulary by using synonyms and more specific terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "developing countries," the writer could use terms like "emerging markets" or "less affluent nations." Additionally, including more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "brain drain" and "qualified and experienced nurses," which effectively convey the intended meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the capable and skilled persons," which could be simplified to "skilled workers" or "professionals." The phrase "this makes more and more people make the same decision" is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using concise and clear phrases. For example, instead of "the capable and skilled persons," using "skilled professionals" would be more effective. Additionally, rephrasing awkward constructions, such as "this makes more and more people make the same decision," to "this encourages others to follow suit" would improve clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors present. Words like "disproportion," "opportunities," and "satisfaction" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall readability of the essay. However, the term "undeveloped" is less commonly used and could be replaced with "underdeveloped" for greater accuracy.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should review their work for less common terms that may lead to confusion. Utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading for less familiar vocabulary can help catch potential errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly used terms in academic writing can enhance overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of vocabulary and its application, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, refining word choice for clarity, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can enhance their Lexical Resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of a complex sentence in the phrase "while the richest countries are becoming wealthier, developing or undeveloped nations are facing severe social issues and financial distress" effectively conveys contrasting ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied to enhance the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. For example, the phrase "this makes more and more people make the same decision" could be restructured to avoid repetition and improve clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses or use different conjunctions to link ideas. For example, instead of saying "this makes more and more people make the same decision," the writer could say, "this leads to an increasing number of individuals following suit." Additionally, varying the placement of clauses within sentences can create a more engaging reading experience.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the capable and skilled persons of developing countries" could be more naturally expressed as "capable and skilled individuals from developing countries." Furthermore, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some areas where clarity could be improved, such as the use of semicolons in the second paragraph. The sentence "this includes addressing issues such as long working hours and limited career advancement opportunities; it will create an environment where employees are satisfied and provide a healthy work culture" could be split into two sentences for better readability.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining word choice and ensuring that noun phrases are used appropriately. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly focusing on articles and prepositions, can also help. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules regarding the use of semicolons and commas to ensure that sentences are clear and effectively punctuated. Reading more complex texts can also help in understanding how punctuation contributes to clarity and flow.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, there are clear opportunities for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a disparity in the comparative income of wealthy and poor countries, and it is currently becoming more pronounced. While the richest countries are becoming wealthier, developing or underdeveloped nations are facing severe social issues and financial distress. This essay will illuminate the causes of this phenomenon and highlight solutions to bridge this gap.

The principal reason behind global income inequality is brain drain. The capable and skilled individuals from developing countries move to developed states to seek new opportunities; they leave to enjoy better living standards, which leads more and more people to make similar decisions. For example, the Philippines is known for producing a substantial number of qualified and experienced nurses every year, but they have low wages and limited career opportunities in their country. Many of them choose to work in the United States or Canada because of higher salaries and a better quality of life. As a result, many undeveloped and developing countries like the Philippines lose their talents, while the host countries where these talents settle benefit.

To alleviate this issue, there is a possible solution to tackle it. The government should offer better career opportunities, including addressing issues such as long working hours and limited career advancement opportunities. This will create an environment in which employees are satisfied and promote a healthy work culture. This, in turn, will contribute to the development of the country and reduce economic disparities.

To conclude, economic development has consistently differed between rich and poor countries all over the world, and the governments of less developed nations should focus on addressing the primary issue that causes income inequality to help their nations achieve a better future.