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The Internet has as many disadvantages as it does advantages To what extent do you agree with this statement?

The Internet has as many disadvantages as it does advantages To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In today’s world, there is a fact that the up-to-the-minute growth of technology has made the Internet more and more widespread. It is this issue that some people believe that there are more drawbacks than benefits from using the Internet. While this can bring both uppers and disadvantages to people’s lives, I would argue that the Internet can provide more advantages to themselves to enhance the quality of the life.

On the one hand, it is no exaggeration that the Internet contains several negative impacts on citizens’ health as well as study at the present. Firstly, they will be probably deceived about several aspects of society, especially money by a number of bad others; hence, it is possible to have a adverse impact on their mental health. For example, it is possible to have anonymous individuals on social media giving a link to them, and only after they click on it, will a large number of money be deducted from their accounts. Secondly, there are a plethora of new and interesting games on the Internet, creating an entertaining space for youngsters. Because of this, it is a certainty that they will be probably attracted by a diversity of impressive special effects in them; therefore, they cannot concentrate on learning at home.

On the other hand, I am the opinion of that using the Internet by a beneficial means can be more advantageous than disadvantageous. Indeed, it is noticeable that it is an extremely useful tool playing a worthwhile role in the process of study. As a result of having various necessary documents and information, this helps them explain carefully whenever they ought to cope with instinct complex tasks. For instance, Google is one of the most popular and state-of-the-art website, lending a hand by giving a variety of answers from a number of sources. On top of that, if people have awareness of controlling their interests when surfing the Internet, it will be a suitable place in order to reduce the stress after a long hard-working studying time.

In conclusion, despite still having several adverse sides of the Internet, everyone can have an opportunity to approach a significant number of new and modern objects in the world and improve the quality of their lives.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In today’s world, there is a fact that the up-to-the-minute growth of technology has made the Internet more and more widespread." -> "In contemporary society, it is a fact that the rapid growth of technology has significantly expanded the reach of the Internet."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains a formal tone and clarity, avoiding redundancy in the original phrase.

  2. "It is this issue that some people believe that there are more drawbacks than benefits from using the Internet." -> "Some individuals argue that the drawbacks of using the Internet outweigh the benefits."
    Explanation: The revised version uses more precise language and avoids unnecessary repetition of the word "that."

  3. "While this can bring both uppers and disadvantages to people’s lives, I would argue that the Internet can provide more advantages to themselves to enhance the quality of life." -> "While the Internet can have both positive and negative impacts on people’s lives, I would contend that its advantages contribute more significantly to enhancing overall quality of life."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance the formality of the sentence, and "uppers" is replaced with "positive impacts" for clarity and academic appropriateness.

  4. "On the one hand, it is no exaggeration that the Internet contains several negative impacts on citizens’ health as well as study at the present." -> "Firstly, it is undeniable that the Internet has numerous adverse effects on both citizens’ health and academic pursuits."
    Explanation: The revision introduces a more formal structure, replacing "no exaggeration" with "undeniable" for emphasis and precision.

  5. "they will be probably deceived about several aspects of society, especially money by a number of bad others;" -> "Individuals may be susceptible to deception in various aspects of society, particularly concerning financial matters, by unscrupulous individuals;"
    Explanation: The suggested changes eliminate colloquial expressions and improve the precision and formality of the sentence.

  6. "it is possible to have a adverse impact on their mental health." -> "thus, it could have an adverse impact on their mental health."
    Explanation: The revision corrects the structure for coherence and replaces "possible" with "could" for a more assertive tone.

  7. "For example, it is possible to have anonymous individuals on social media giving a link to them, and only after they click on it, will a large number of money be deducted from their accounts." -> "For instance, anonymous individuals on social media may send them a link, and upon clicking it, a significant amount of money may be deducted from their accounts."
    Explanation: The improved version enhances clarity, avoids redundancy, and maintains a formal tone.

  8. "there are a plethora of new and interesting games on the Internet, creating an entertaining space for youngsters." -> "Numerous new and captivating games available on the Internet create an engaging space for young individuals."
    Explanation: The suggested changes offer a more concise and sophisticated expression, replacing "plethora" with "numerous" for precision.

  9. "Because of this, it is a certainty that they will be probably attracted by a diversity of impressive special effects in them; therefore, they cannot concentrate on learning at home." -> "As a result, it is certain that they will likely be drawn to a variety of impressive special effects in these games, hindering their ability to concentrate on learning at home."
    Explanation: The revision improves coherence and replaces redundant phrases for clarity.

  10. "On the other hand, I am the opinion of that using the Internet by a beneficial means can be more advantageous than disadvantageous." -> "On the contrary, I am of the opinion that utilizing the Internet for beneficial purposes can be more advantageous than disadvantageous."
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance the formality of the sentence, providing a more polished expression.

  11. "Indeed, it is noticeable that it is an extremely useful tool playing a worthwhile role in the process of study." -> "Indeed, it is noteworthy that the Internet serves as an exceptionally useful tool, playing a valuable role in the study process."
    Explanation: The revision improves the structure, avoids redundancy, and replaces "noticeable" with "noteworthy" for a more formal tone.

  12. "As a result of having various necessary documents and information, this helps them explain carefully whenever they ought to cope with instinct complex tasks." -> "Having access to various essential documents and information enables individuals to articulate themselves adeptly when tackling intricate tasks."
    Explanation: The improved version enhances clarity and formality while maintaining a natural flow.

  13. "For instance, Google is one of the most popular and state-of-the-art website, lending a hand by giving a variety of answers from a number of sources." -> "For example, Google, being one of the most popular and state-of-the-art websites, assists by providing a variety of answers from various sources."
    Explanation: The suggested changes improve precision and eliminate unnecessary repetition.

  14. "On top of that, if people have awareness of controlling their interests when surfing the Internet, it will be a suitable place in order to reduce the stress after a long hard-working studying time." -> "Additionally, if individuals are mindful of managing their interests while browsing the Internet, it can serve as a suitable outlet to alleviate stress after prolonged and intense study sessions."
    Explanation: The revised version enhances formality, precision, and clarity while avoiding colloquial expressions.

  15. "In conclusion, despite still having several adverse sides of the Internet, everyone can have an opportunity to approach a significant number of new and modern objects in the world and improve the quality of their lives." -> "In conclusion, despite the existing drawbacks of the Internet, individuals have the opportunity to explore numerous new and modern concepts, contributing to the enhancement of their quality of life."
    Explanation: The suggested changes improve clarity, eliminate redundancy, and enhance the formal tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. While it acknowledges both the advantages and disadvantages of the Internet, the discussion on disadvantages is more detailed. There’s room for improvement in providing a more balanced examination of both sides.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address the question, consider allocating equal attention to both advantages and disadvantages. This can be achieved by providing specific examples and expanding on the positive aspects of the Internet.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the Internet has more advantages than disadvantages. However, the expression of this position is somewhat weakened by the more extensive coverage of the disadvantages.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that your stance is consistently reflected in each paragraph. Balance the discussion of advantages and disadvantages, reinforcing your position with convincing arguments and examples.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in their development. Examples are mentioned, but they need more elaboration and connection to the overall argument.
    • How to improve: Provide more detailed explanations and examples to strengthen your points. Develop each idea by providing relevant details and explanations, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, particularly in the discussion of negative impacts. While relevant, some details, such as the mention of games, could be more directly tied to the disadvantages of the Internet.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all details contribute directly to the central argument. When discussing disadvantages, link each point explicitly to how it supports the idea that there are more drawbacks than benefits.

In summary, while the essay effectively communicates a position and presents some supporting ideas, improvements can be made in balancing the discussion, deepening idea development, and ensuring all details directly contribute to the main argument. Focus on providing a more comprehensive exploration of both sides of the prompt for a more nuanced and convincing response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a logical organization. It starts with an introduction, presents the disadvantages and advantages in separate paragraphs, and concludes with a summary. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs is occasionally unclear, leading to some difficulty in following the argument. For instance, the transition from negative impacts on health to the entertaining space for youngsters could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, focus on clear transitions between ideas within paragraphs. Consider using topic sentences to guide the reader and ensure each paragraph contributes directly to the overall argument. Review the essay for coherence, ensuring that the order of ideas aligns with the logical progression of the argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphs are utilized, but there is room for improvement in terms of structure and effectiveness. The second paragraph, discussing negative impacts, is lengthy and covers multiple points, making it less effective in conveying the intended message. Additionally, the conclusion is brief and lacks a clear summarization of key points.
    • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus on a single main idea. Break down the second paragraph into shorter, more focused paragraphs, each addressing a specific negative impact. In the conclusion, reiterate the main advantages and disadvantages, providing a concise summary of the essay’s key points.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). However, there is a limited variety, and the connection between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. Additionally, there are instances where pronouns are used ambiguously, impacting clarity.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of linking words and synonyms. Ensure that pronoun references are clear and unambiguous. Revisit the essay to confirm that the connections between sentences and ideas are seamless, aiding in a smoother and more coherent reading experience.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, but refining the organization within paragraphs, improving paragraph structure, and enhancing the variety of cohesive devices will contribute to a more effective presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating both common and some less common words. Examples include "up-to-the-minute growth," "deceived," "plethora," and "state-of-the-art." However, there is room for improvement in expanding the variety of vocabulary further. Some phrases, like "adverse sides of the Internet," could be replaced with more diverse expressions.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary, consider introducing more nuanced and contextually appropriate words. Instead of frequently using phrases like "negative impacts" and "adverse sides," explore alternative expressions to convey the same idea. For example, you could use "detrimental effects" or "downsides" to add variety.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays both precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "up-to-the-minute growth" is well chosen, while the use of "adverse sides" is somewhat imprecise. Precise vocabulary enhances the clarity of your message, so strive for consistently accurate word choices.
    • How to improve: Work on refining your vocabulary by selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of "adverse sides," consider alternatives like "negative aspects" or "drawbacks." This subtle shift will enhance the precision of your language.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "uppers" instead of "advantages," "adverse" instead of "adversely," and "plethora" instead of "plethora." These errors impact the overall impression of language proficiency.
    • How to improve: Prioritize spelling accuracy through careful proofreading and consideration of common errors. Utilize spelling tools available in word processors, and take the time to review your essay before submission. Additionally, practice writing to reinforce correct spelling patterns and reduce errors over time.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource, but improvement is needed to achieve a higher band score. Focus on diversifying vocabulary, using precise terms, and enhancing spelling accuracy to elevate the overall quality of your written expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to vary sentence lengths and structures, including complex and compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement as the majority of sentences follow a similar pattern, limiting the overall variety. The use of transitional phrases to connect ideas is evident but could be more diverse.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound sentences. Introduce a wider range of transitional phrases to connect ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Utilize rhetorical devices and different sentence beginnings to add complexity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally demonstrates grammatical competence, there are notable instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, in the first paragraph, "there is a fact that the up-to-the-minute growth" is awkward, and the phrase "I am the opinion of that" in the second-to-last paragraph is grammatically incorrect. Punctuation, such as the incorrect use of semicolons and missing commas, also requires attention.
    • How to improve: Carefully review sentence structure for awkward phrasing and ensure that all statements are grammatically correct. Pay special attention to subject-verb agreement and the proper use of articles. Regarding punctuation, practice using semicolons appropriately and ensure commas are placed correctly to enhance clarity and readability. Consider seeking feedback on specific instances of awkward phrasing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical structures, improvements can be made in enhancing sentence variety and addressing specific grammatical errors. Focus on incorporating a wider range of sentence structures, refining grammatical accuracy, and ensuring consistent and appropriate use of punctuation for a more polished and sophisticated essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, it is a well-established fact that the rapid growth of technology has significantly increased the prevalence of the Internet. Some individuals argue that the drawbacks of using the Internet outweigh the benefits. While the Internet can have both positive and negative impacts on people’s lives, I would contend that its advantages contribute more significantly to enhancing the overall quality of life.

Firstly, it is undeniable that the Internet has numerous adverse effects on both citizens’ health and academic pursuits. Individuals may be susceptible to deception in various aspects of society, particularly concerning financial matters, by unscrupulous individuals; thus, it could have an adverse impact on their mental health. For instance, anonymous individuals on social media may send them a link, and upon clicking it, a significant amount of money may be deducted from their accounts. Numerous new and captivating games available on the Internet create an engaging space for young individuals. As a result, it is certain that they will likely be drawn to a variety of impressive special effects in these games, hindering their ability to concentrate on learning at home.

On the contrary, I am of the opinion that utilizing the Internet for beneficial purposes can be more advantageous than disadvantageous. Indeed, it is noteworthy that the Internet serves as an exceptionally useful tool, playing a valuable role in the study process. Having access to various essential documents and information enables individuals to articulate themselves adeptly when tackling intricate tasks. For example, Google, being one of the most popular and state-of-the-art websites, assists by providing a variety of answers from various sources. Additionally, if individuals are mindful of managing their interests while browsing the Internet, it can serve as a suitable outlet to alleviate stress after prolonged and intense study sessions.

In conclusion, despite the existing drawbacks of the Internet, individuals have the opportunity to explore numerous new and modern concepts, contributing to the enhancement of their quality of life.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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