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The internet has changed the way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media have negative effects. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The internet has changed the way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media have negative effects.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Currently , there are opposing views about whether or not technology has almost altered the way people interact . While there are many advantages in having online meetings , I believe that physical interaction is one of the key factors to enhance one’s skills because of the following reasons .

On the one hand , hosting impractical face-to-face chats can offer many benefits . To explain , It is quite convenient when online meetings are created because you do not have to be bothered by other problems as practical interactions . In addition , you will not have to encounter these issues such as the weather , health problems and physical disabilities when meeting someone . For instance , when It is pouring rain outside , online face-to-face meetings can be a clear solution . If interactions continue to take place on online platforms , society may face many changes in terms of comunication and more quality lives .

On the other hand , there are many issues in not having to communicate physically . This can be explained that when you are exchanging talks online you can not fully experience the atmosphere talking to a person practically and for that many problems occurred such as lack of communication skills and moreover practical skills . For example , some types of people, especially young people, are being exposed to cutting-edge technology and this makes them neglect traditional meetings and furthermore makes them lack experience in meeting face-to-face . As a result , they can not acquire communication skills when facing the pressure of talking to another person physically .

In conclusion , there are arguments against organizing meetings online but I think that having to balance both ways of communication can be a correct way to achieve the convenience of chatting online and learning communication skills in talking physically .


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Currently , there are opposing views" -> "Presently, divergent views prevail"
    Explanation: Replacing "Currently" with "Presently" adds formality and precision to the introduction, aligning with academic style. "Divergent views prevail" enhances the expression by using a more sophisticated phrase.

  2. "whether or not technology has almost altered" -> "whether technology has significantly transformed"
    Explanation: Replacing "almost altered" with "significantly transformed" imparts a more precise and nuanced meaning, aligning better with academic language.

  3. "physical interaction is one of the key factors to enhance one’s skills" -> "physical interaction is pivotal for skill enhancement"
    Explanation: The substitution of "one of the key factors to enhance" with "pivotal for skill enhancement" maintains clarity while using more concise and formal language.

  4. "On the one hand , hosting impractical face-to-face chats can offer many benefits" -> "On one hand, facilitating face-to-face interactions can yield numerous advantages"
    Explanation: Removing the unnecessary "impractical" and replacing "chats" with "interactions" enhances formality and precision. Additionally, restructuring the sentence improves clarity.

  5. "It is quite convenient when online meetings are created because you do not have to be bothered by other problems as practical interactions" -> "Online meetings offer convenience by alleviating concerns associated with in-person interactions"
    Explanation: The replacement improves the sentence’s structure and clarity, using "alleviating concerns" instead of "bothered by other problems" for a more formal tone.

  6. "when It is pouring rain outside" -> "during heavy rainfall"
    Explanation: Capitalizing "It" is corrected to "it," and replacing "pouring rain outside" with "during heavy rainfall" maintains formality and clarity.

  7. "For instance , when It is pouring rain outside , online face-to-face meetings can be a clear solution" -> "For example, during heavy rainfall, online face-to-face meetings can provide a viable solution"
    Explanation: The revision includes a more precise example and maintains a formal tone while addressing the issue of weather affecting in-person meetings.

  8. "If interactions continue to take place on online platforms , society may face many changes in terms of comunication and more quality lives" -> "Continued reliance on online interactions may usher in societal changes, particularly in communication and overall quality of life"
    Explanation: The improved version enhances the formality and clarity of expression, avoiding the informal "If" and providing a more comprehensive statement.

  9. "there are many issues in not having to communicate physically" -> "Several challenges arise from the absence of physical communication"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative is more concise and formal, addressing the issue in a clearer manner.

  10. "This can be explained that when you are exchanging talks online" -> "This can be attributed to the fact that online exchanges"
    Explanation: The revision introduces a more formal structure by replacing "exchanged talks" with "online exchanges" and provides a clearer explanation of the cause.

  11. "some types of people, especially young people" -> "Certain demographics, particularly the youth"
    Explanation: Substituting "some types of people" with "certain demographics" elevates the formality of the expression while maintaining clarity.

  12. "makes them neglect traditional meetings and furthermore makes them lack experience" -> "leads them to neglect traditional meetings, resulting in a lack of experiential learning"
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance precision and formality, providing a more comprehensive description of the consequences.

  13. "In conclusion , there are arguments against organizing meetings online but I think that having to balance both ways of communication can be a correct way to achieve the convenience of chatting online and learning communication skills in talking physically" -> "In conclusion, while arguments exist against organizing online meetings, I posit that striking a balance between virtual and physical communication is a judicious approach, fostering the convenience of online discourse and the acquisition of communication skills through face-to-face interactions."
    Explanation: The revised conclusion improves formality, clarity, and precision by rephrasing and expanding upon the original content.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Currently, there are opposing views about whether or not technology has almost altered the way people interact. While there are many advantages in having online meetings, I believe that physical interaction is one of the key factors to enhance one’s skills because of the following reasons."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction provides a clear indication of the writer’s opinion but lacks a concise summary of the main points to be discussed. To enhance the structure, consider briefly outlining the main ideas or arguments that will support your position. This could provide a roadmap for readers to follow throughout the essay.
    • Improved example: "Currently, opinions diverge on technology’s impact on human interaction. Although online meetings offer numerous advantages, I firmly advocate for the pivotal role of physical interaction in skill enhancement. In this essay, I will discuss the benefits of face-to-face interaction in developing communication abilities and practical skills."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, hosting impractical face-to-face chats can offer many benefits. To explain, It is quite convenient when online meetings are created because you do not have to be bothered by other problems as practical interactions. In addition, you will not have to encounter these issues such as the weather, health problems and physical disabilities when meeting someone. For instance, when It is pouring rain outside, online face-to-face meetings can be a clear solution. If interactions continue to take place on online platforms, society may face many changes in terms of communication and more quality lives."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The paragraph presents advantages of online meetings but lacks depth in argumentation and development. Consider expanding upon each benefit mentioned, providing specific examples or experiences that illustrate the advantages of online communication while maintaining clarity and relevance to the argument.
    • Improved example: "Online meetings offer unparalleled convenience, eliminating hindrances like weather conditions, health issues, or physical disabilities that might impede face-to-face interactions. For example, during inclement weather, such as heavy rainstorms, online face-to-face meetings emerge as a viable solution. This convenience not only fosters smoother communication but also potentially contributes to an improved quality of life by overcoming physical barriers."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, there are many issues in not having to communicate physically. This can be explained that when you are exchanging talks online you cannot fully experience the atmosphere talking to a person practically and for that many problems occurred such as lack of communication skills and moreover practical skills. For example, some types of people, especially young people, are being exposed to cutting-edge technology and this makes them neglect traditional meetings and furthermore makes them lack experience in meeting face-to-face. As a result, they cannot acquire communication skills when facing the pressure of talking to another person physically."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While discussing the disadvantages of online communication, the paragraph lacks specificity and depth in explaining the consequences of limited face-to-face interaction. To strengthen the argument, consider providing more concrete instances or personal experiences that demonstrate the adverse effects of relying solely on online communication. This could involve discussing instances where individuals’ communication skills were compromised due to the absence of face-to-face interactions.
    • Improved example: "The absence of physical communication deprives individuals of the rich atmosphere and experience of practical conversations. This deficiency contributes to the erosion of communication and practical skills, especially among young individuals engrossed in modern technology. For instance, a reliance on digital interactions may lead to a disregard for traditional face-to-face meetings, resulting in a dearth of experience in real-life conversations. Consequently, individuals may struggle to develop effective communication skills under the pressure of in-person interactions, hindering their ability to express themselves confidently and coherently."

Overall, while the essay addresses both views on online communication, there is a need for deeper development of ideas and more concrete examples to support arguments. Enhancing the specificity of examples and expanding upon the advantages and disadvantages of online communication would significantly bolster the essay’s clarity and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a coherent organization of ideas with a clear overall progression. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately placed, providing a clear structure. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the logical flow of the essay. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences.

However, there are instances of faulty cohesion within sentences, and some sentences lack clarity. For example, the sentence "Currently, there are opposing views about whether or not technology has almost altered the way people interact" is somewhat convoluted. Additionally, there is a need for more precise referencing and substitution to enhance the overall clarity of the essay.

Paragraphing is generally logical, but improvements can be made. The second paragraph, for instance, could be further divided for better readability and to emphasize specific points.

How to improve:

  1. Revise and clarify sentences for improved cohesion, ensuring that ideas within sentences are expressed more clearly.
  2. Work on referencing and substitution to enhance the overall coherence and clarity of the essay.
  3. Consider refining paragraphing for better organization and emphasis on key points.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "cutting-edge technology," and shows some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are instances of inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "hosting impractical face-to-face chats," which could be more effectively expressed. The essay makes some errors in spelling and word formation, but they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should focus on using more precise and accurate vocabulary. There is a need to refine expressions like "hosting impractical face-to-face chats" to convey the intended meaning more clearly. Additionally, attention to spelling and word formation will further improve the overall quality of the essay. A more nuanced use of vocabulary, with attention to context, will contribute to a more sophisticated and cohesive response.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, attempting to convey ideas about the impact of technology on communication. It uses a variety of sentence structures but lacks consistent accuracy throughout. The essay presents some complex ideas and tries to support them with examples. While it maintains communication overall, there are noticeable grammatical errors and inaccuracies that affect clarity and precision in several sentences.

How to improve:

  1. Sentence Structure Clarity: Focus on sentence structure clarity to avoid confusion in conveying ideas. Ensure that complex sentences are constructed with accuracy.
  2. Grammar and Punctuation: Pay close attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation usage. Proofreading and editing are essential to correct errors and improve overall coherence.
  3. Consistency in Expression: Maintain consistency in expressing ideas to enhance the overall flow and coherence of the essay.

Improving the accuracy of sentence structures, grammar, and punctuation will greatly enhance the clarity and coherence of the essay, allowing for more effective communication of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, there are differing opinions on whether technology has significantly altered the way people interact. While there are numerous advantages to online communication, I believe that in-person interaction remains crucial for skill development.

On one hand, engaging in face-to-face conversations can offer several benefits. Online meetings are convenient since they eliminate practical issues such as weather, health problems, and physical disabilities. For instance, during heavy rain, online face-to-face meetings provide a clear solution. If interactions continue to shift to online platforms, society may undergo significant changes in terms of communication and overall quality of life.

On the other hand, there are drawbacks to relying solely on virtual communication. When exchanging thoughts online, one cannot fully experience the atmosphere of a physical conversation, leading to potential problems such as a lack of communication and practical skills. For example, some individuals, especially the younger generation, immerse themselves in cutting-edge technology, neglecting traditional face-to-face meetings and consequently lacking experience in interpersonal communication. This, in turn, hampers their ability to develop communication skills when confronted with the pressure of in-person interactions.

In conclusion, while there are arguments against organizing meetings online, I believe that striking a balance between both forms of communication is the correct approach. This allows for the convenience of online conversations while ensuring the development of essential communication skills through face-to-face interactions.

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