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The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the Internet and what solutions can you suggest?

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the Internet and what solutions can you suggest?

It is true that the way people distribute and take in information has been changed due to the advent of the internet. Although this phenomenon can trigger unprecedented issues such as the dissemination of misinformation and the risk of compromising personal data, some feasible measures, including strict examination and enhancing security systems can be taken by the government and technological firms to address these future problems.
To commence with, there are several consequences stemming from the exchange of information through the internet. The foremost issue is that it facilitates the proliferation of misleading information. Due to the lack of stringent regulations for news posted online, people can access unreliable information from unofficial websites , causing people to have misconceptions about a certain aspect or field. For example, amid the outbreak of covid-19 pandemic, a large number of curative methods from nature which can completely cure the disease, were shared rampantly on the social platforms. Many people followed these natural therapies and as a result, they had to suffer from numerous adverse impacts on overall wellbeing. Another urgent problems due to the exchanging information via the internet is the increased risk of personal data exposure
.Many websites may have security loopholes that allow cyber criminals to access databases and systems containing users' personal data. As a result, hackers can take advantage of these flaws for evil purposes such as financial fraud and property appropriation.

However, several viable solutions by governments and individuals can be implemented to tackle these problems. Firstly, governments should censor the information thoroughly to ensure its authenticity and credibility before allowing its dissemination on the internet. If there is any inaccurate information spread widely, the government could impose vigorous penalties including hefty fines and even long-term imprisonment. Secondly, website development companies should improve their security systems for their users. For example, Facebook platforms have introduced a two-factor authentication feature for users to secure their accounts twice, preventing the information from being illegally accessed by hackers. This has succeeded in reducing cases of cyber criminals on this social networking site
In conclusion, while the transformation of information staying informed through the internet can lead to the spreading of misleading information and the breach of personal data, these can be combated with strengthening censorship and enhancing cyber security systems . This is a joint effort by both the government and technology companies to hopefully address and mitigate unfortunate consequences later.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is true that the way people distribute and take in information has been changed due to the advent of the internet." -> "Indeed, the manner in which individuals disseminate and absorb information has been altered with the advent of the internet."
    Explanation: Replacing "It is true that" with "Indeed" strengthens the assertion, and the use of "has been altered" adds formality to describe the change brought about by the internet.

  2. "some feasible measures, including strict examination and enhancing security systems can be taken by the government and technological firms to address these future problems." -> "Several viable measures, such as rigorous scrutiny and the enhancement of security systems, can be implemented by governmental bodies and technology firms to address these impending issues."
    Explanation: Substituting "feasible" with "viable" elevates the formality, and rephrasing "can be taken" with "can be implemented" maintains a more academic tone.

  3. "To commence with, there are several consequences stemming from the exchange of information through the internet." -> "To commence, there are several consequences arising from the exchange of information via the internet."
    Explanation: Removing "with" after "commence" and changing "stemming from" to "arising from" streamlines the sentence, making it more concise and formal.

  4. "The foremost issue is that it facilitates the proliferation of misleading information." -> "The primary concern is its role in facilitating the proliferation of misleading information."
    Explanation: Replacing "foremost issue" with "primary concern" adds precision, and rephrasing the sentence enhances formality.

  5. "Due to the lack of stringent regulations for news posted online, people can access unreliable information from unofficial websites, causing people to have misconceptions about a certain aspect or field." -> "Owing to the absence of stringent regulations for online news, individuals can access unreliable information from unofficial websites, leading to misconceptions about specific aspects or fields."
    Explanation: Using "owing to" instead of "due to" and rephrasing the sentence for clarity and formality.

  6. "Many people followed these natural therapies and as a result, they had to suffer from numerous adverse impacts on overall wellbeing." -> "Many individuals adhered to these natural therapies, resulting in the experience of numerous adverse effects on their overall well-being."
    Explanation: Replacing "followed" with "adhered to" and restructuring the sentence for precision and formality.

  7. "Another urgent problems due to the exchanging information via the internet is the increased risk of personal data exposure." -> "Another urgent problem arising from the exchange of information via the internet is the heightened risk of personal data exposure."
    Explanation: Correcting the singular/plural agreement and rephrasing for clarity and formality.

  8. "Many websites may have security loopholes that allow cyber criminals to access databases and systems containing users’ personal data." -> "Numerous websites may possess security vulnerabilities, enabling cybercriminals to gain access to databases and systems containing users’ personal data."
    Explanation: Substituting "may have" with "may possess" and rephrasing for precision and formality.

  9. "However, several viable solutions by governments and individuals can be implemented to tackle these problems." -> "However, governments and individuals can implement several viable solutions to address these challenges."
    Explanation: Rearranging the sentence for improved flow and formality.

  10. "If there is any inaccurate information spread widely, the government could impose vigorous penalties including hefty fines and even long-term imprisonment." -> "In the event of widespread dissemination of inaccurate information, the government could enforce stringent penalties, including substantial fines and even long-term imprisonment."
    Explanation: Substituting "if there is any" with "in the event of" and using "enforce" instead of "impose" for a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt – the problems associated with the internet and possible solutions. It discusses the proliferation of misleading information and the increased risk of personal data exposure as problems, while proposing solutions such as government censorship and improved security systems.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider providing more depth and examples for each problem and solution. This can further strengthen the essay’s thoroughness.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, consistently advocating for stronger censorship and enhanced security systems to address the identified issues. This clarity contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the essay’s clarity, consider explicitly stating the proposed solutions in the introduction and summarizing them in the conclusion. This will reinforce the essay’s coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, providing examples to illustrate the problems associated with the internet and the proposed solutions. However, some ideas could be further extended for a more comprehensive discussion.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on the examples provided, offering more details and perhaps exploring alternative solutions. This will add depth to the analysis and showcase a broader understanding of the issues.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, addressing the problems and solutions related to the internet. However, there are instances of minor deviations, such as the mention of "curative methods from nature" during the COVID-19 example. While related, it could be more directly linked to internet-related problems.
    • How to improve: Be cautious about tangential details and ensure all examples directly relate to internet-related issues. This will help maintain a tighter focus on the prompt.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses the specified criteria. To improve, consider providing more detailed examples, explicitly stating the proposed solutions in the introduction, extending ideas for a more comprehensive discussion, and ensuring all examples directly relate to internet-related issues. Overall, a well-written essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, following a clear structure of introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction introduces the topic and outlines the issues, while the body paragraphs discuss the problems and proposed solutions. However, there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider revising sentences for clarity and coherence. For example, in the opening sentence, rephrase to eliminate redundancy: "It is true that the way people distribute and take in information has been changed due to the advent of the internet." Instead, simplify: "The internet has transformed how people distribute and consume information."
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific point. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph transitions and topic sentences. Clearer connections between paragraphs would strengthen the overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph transitions by using explicit linking words or phrases. For instance, use transitions like "Furthermore" or "In addition" to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that previews the main idea.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("it," "this"), conjunctions ("although," "however"), and repetition of key terms. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying these devices to create a more sophisticated flow.
    • How to improve: Introduce a broader range of cohesive devices, including synonyms, parallel structures, and varied sentence structures. For example, instead of repeatedly using "information," consider using alternatives like "data" or "knowledge" to maintain variety. Additionally, explore more advanced cohesive devices such as conditional sentences to add nuance and complexity to your argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, with minor areas for refinement. Focusing on clarity in sentence structure, strengthening paragraph transitions, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory but not outstanding range of vocabulary. There is a variety of words used to convey ideas, such as "dissemination," "misleading," "stringent regulations," "rampantly," and "appropriation." However, the essay could benefit from incorporating more sophisticated and contextually precise vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance your score in this aspect, try incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic. For instance, instead of using "problems," consider using "challenges" or "dilemmas." Additionally, consider using synonyms for frequently repeated words to avoid redundancy.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is generally acceptable, but there are instances where the choice of words could be more precise. For example, the phrase "a large number of curative methods from nature" could be more precisely expressed, and the term "unofficial websites" might be refined for clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Instead of "a large number of," consider specifying a quantity, and for "unofficial websites," be more specific about the nature of these websites. This will add clarity and depth to your expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate; however, there are some minor errors, such as "vigerous" instead of "vigorous" and "staying informed" rather than "staying informed." These minor spelling mistakes slightly impact the overall impression.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread your essay thoroughly, and consider using spell-check tools. Additionally, pay attention to commonly misspelled words. Regular practice and awareness will contribute to better spelling accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in utilizing a wider range of vocabulary and enhancing precision. Additionally, careful proofreading can help eliminate minor spelling errors, contributing to an even more polished piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. There is an attempt to use advanced structures, such as conditional sentences and complex noun phrases. However, the overall variety is limited, and some sentences are overly simplistic.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, incorporate a more diverse range of sentence structures. Introduce compound and compound-complex sentences to add complexity and sophistication. Use advanced structures consistently to demonstrate a higher level of proficiency.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few instances of errors. There are occasional issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "a large number of curative methods… were shared," where ‘were’ should be ‘was.’ Additionally, there are some awkward sentence constructions that hinder clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure grammatical accuracy. Revise awkward sentence structures for clarity and coherence. Consider using simpler constructions when unsure about complex ones to minimize errors. Proofread thoroughly to catch and correct minor grammatical mistakes.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation, contributing to the overall coherence of the writing. To achieve a higher band score, focus on refining sentence structures for greater variety and clarity, while maintaining consistent grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed true that the way people distribute and consume information has been significantly altered due to the advent of the internet. While this transformation brings about unprecedented challenges, such as the dissemination of misinformation and the risk of compromising personal data, there are practical measures that can be taken by the government and technology firms to address these issues in the future.

To begin with, there are several consequences arising from the exchange of information through the internet. The primary concern is its role in facilitating the proliferation of misleading information. Owing to the absence of stringent regulations for online news, individuals can access unreliable information from unofficial websites, leading to misconceptions about specific aspects or fields. For instance, during the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, a plethora of curative methods from nature, claiming to completely cure the disease, were widely shared on social platforms. Many people adhered to these natural therapies, resulting in numerous adverse effects on their overall well-being. Another urgent problem arising from the exchange of information via the internet is the heightened risk of personal data exposure. Numerous websites may possess security vulnerabilities, enabling cybercriminals to gain access to databases and systems containing users’ personal data.

However, governments and individuals can implement several viable solutions to address these challenges. Firstly, in the event of the widespread dissemination of inaccurate information, the government could enforce stringent penalties, including substantial fines and even long-term imprisonment. Secondly, technology firms should enhance their security systems to safeguard users’ information. For example, platforms like Facebook have introduced a two-factor authentication feature, adding an extra layer of security for users and reducing the risk of illegal access by hackers. This initiative has proven successful in minimizing cases of cybercriminal activities on the platform.

In conclusion, while the transformation of information dissemination through the internet can lead to the spreading of misleading information and the breach of personal data, these issues can be combated through strengthened censorship and enhanced cybersecurity systems. It is a collaborative effort by both the government and technology companies to address and mitigate unfortunate consequences in the future.

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