The internet is often harmful, especially to young people, due to the amount and type of information people can access. to what extent do you agree?

Some argue that the internet is detrimental to the general populace, notably to youngsters because of the amount and kind of these information that they approach. Personally, I disagree with this statement due to several reasons.
One argument for the adverse impact of internet utilization is that younger users are often spend a large amount of time on abundant and meaningless information on the internet, which could lead to physical, mental health and societal problems. To further explain, when young people rely on the social media to find the entertainment, they will very curious and easily to be addicted to various kind of videos, posts, news, the problem is some of those are include negative contents, such as violent, dangerous actions. As a result, they can mimic what they watch and have deviation behaviors, leading to a huge number of youngsters committing crime. Besides, instead of going outside, they spend nearly all day with the social network, which makes teenagers become more sensitive, lack of confidence and communicating skills, encountering with health issues due to not playing sports.
On the other hand, it is understandable that many individuals say using the social network can beneficial to youngster’s knowledge and practical skills. Firstly, accessing a wide range of useful information confers them the knowledge of other cultures, broadening their horizon. Additionally, pupils can relearn lots of lessons about what they have taught at school to understand deeper, resulting to better studying abilities, achieving various rewards. Secondly, if teenagers watch practical information like self – defense skills, trading skills, they are willing to live independently, choosing their own career path and absolutely their problem – solving skill can be fostered.
In conclusion, while using social network of young people may lead to serious societal issues, I maintain that the advantages are outweigh the negative influences because it depends on what kind of detail they watch, so choosing the right information on the internet will strengthen many aspects of youngsters in their lives.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some argue" -> "Some contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term that is commonly used in academic writing to indicate a position or argument, enhancing the formality of the statement.
"notably to youngsters" -> "particularly among young people"
Explanation: "Notably" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Particularly among young people" is more specific and formal, improving the academic tone.
"the amount and kind of these information" -> "the quantity and type of information"
Explanation: "These information" is grammatically incorrect. "The quantity and type of information" corrects the grammatical error and uses more precise vocabulary suitable for academic writing.
"I disagree with this statement" -> "I disagree with this assertion"
Explanation: "Assertion" is a more formal synonym for "statement," which aligns better with academic style by implying a more deliberate and supported claim.
"spend a large amount of time" -> "spend considerable time"
Explanation: "A large amount of time" is redundant. "Considerable time" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.
"abundant and meaningless information" -> "an abundance of irrelevant information"
Explanation: "Abundant" is not typically used to describe information, and "meaningless" is too subjective. "An abundance of irrelevant information" is more precise and objective, fitting the academic context better.
"very curious and easily to be addicted" -> "highly curious and easily addicted"
Explanation: "Very curious and easily to be addicted" is grammatically incorrect. "Highly curious and easily addicted" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formality.
"the problem is some of those are include" -> "the issue is that some of these include"
Explanation: "The problem is some of those are include" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "The issue is that some of these include" corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"deviation behaviors" -> "deviant behaviors"
Explanation: "Deviation behaviors" is incorrect. "Deviant behaviors" is the correct term, which is widely accepted in academic and psychological contexts.
"committing crime" -> "engaging in criminal behavior"
Explanation: "Committing crime" is somewhat informal and vague. "Engaging in criminal behavior" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"spend nearly all day with the social network" -> "spend nearly all day on social media"
Explanation: "The social network" is too vague and informal. "Social media" is the correct term and is more specific in this context.
"become more sensitive, lack of confidence and communicating skills" -> "become more sensitive, lacking confidence, and deficient in communication skills"
Explanation: "Lack of confidence and communicating skills" is grammatically incorrect. "Lacking confidence, and deficient in communication skills" corrects the grammar and enhances clarity.
"encountering with health issues" -> "facing health issues"
Explanation: "Encountering with" is grammatically incorrect. "Facing" is the correct preposition to use in this context, making the sentence grammatically sound and more formal.
"relearn lots of lessons" -> "relearn numerous lessons"
Explanation: "Lots of" is informal and vague. "Numerous" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"resulting to better studying abilities" -> "resulting in better academic performance"
Explanation: "Resulting to better studying abilities" is awkward and unclear. "Resulting in better academic performance" is clearer and more formal, aligning with academic language standards.
"watch practical information" -> "view practical information"
Explanation: "Watch" is less formal and slightly informal for this context. "View" is more appropriate for academic writing, suggesting a more formal engagement with information.
"trading skills" -> "business skills"
Explanation: "Trading skills" is vague and informal. "Business skills" is more specific and appropriate for academic discussion about practical skills.
"problem – solving skill" -> "problem-solving skills"
Explanation: "Problem – solving skill" is grammatically incorrect. "Problem-solving skills" corrects the grammar and pluralizes the noun to match the context, enhancing clarity and formality.

These changes refine the vocabulary and grammar to align with the standards of academic writing, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the harmful aspects of the internet for young people and the potential benefits. The author presents arguments for both sides, which is essential for a balanced response. However, the essay could be clearer in explicitly stating the extent of agreement with the prompt. The phrase "I maintain that the advantages are outweigh the negative influences" suggests a partial agreement, but this could be more explicitly stated in the introduction and conclusion.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should clearly articulate their position in the introduction, specifying whether they agree or disagree with the notion that the internet is harmful. Additionally, they could include a brief summary of the reasons for their stance in the introduction, which would help frame the essay more effectively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that leans towards the benefits of the internet, but the clarity of this position fluctuates. While the author begins by stating disagreement with the harmful view, the subsequent paragraphs introduce significant concerns about the internet’s negative impact. This dual focus can confuse the reader regarding the author’s true stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay. They might consider using transitional phrases that reinforce their position, such as "Despite these concerns, I believe…" or "In contrast to the negative effects discussed, it is important to recognize…". This will help guide the reader through their reasoning.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the negative and positive impacts of the internet. However, some points lack sufficient development and supporting evidence. For example, the claim that excessive internet use leads to crime is significant but is not backed by specific examples or data. Similarly, while the benefits of knowledge acquisition are mentioned, they could be elaborated with concrete examples of how this knowledge is applied in real-life situations.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate their points. For instance, citing research on the effects of social media on mental health or providing examples of successful online learning platforms would strengthen their arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the internet’s impact on young people. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the benefits without adequately linking them back to the central question of harm versus benefit. For instance, the mention of "self-defense skills" and "trading skills" feels somewhat tangential and could be more directly connected to the overarching theme of the internet’s influence.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. They could achieve this by explicitly linking each argument to the question of harm or benefit. For example, when discussing practical skills, they could frame it in terms of how these skills contribute to a young person’s resilience against negative influences online.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, enhancing clarity, support, and focus will help elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the negative impacts of internet use to the positive aspects feels abrupt. The first body paragraph focuses on the detrimental effects, while the second shifts to benefits without a clear linking statement or transition. This can confuse the reader regarding the overall stance of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the negative impacts, a sentence like "Despite these concerns, it is important to recognize the potential benefits that the internet can offer to young people" would create a smoother transition to the next paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a specific point, and the conclusion summarizes the argument. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to ensure clarity and depth. For instance, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea. Additionally, consider breaking up longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas. This not only improves readability but also helps maintain the reader’s focus on each individual argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and linking words (e.g., "besides," "on the other hand," "additionally"). However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For example, "youngsters" and "social network" appear frequently, which can detract from the overall fluency of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in contrast," or "consequently." Additionally, varying vocabulary by using synonyms for frequently repeated terms can enhance the essay’s cohesiveness. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "youngsters," you might alternate with "youth," "teens," or "adolescents" to maintain reader interest.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Coherence and Cohesion, improvements can be made in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By implementing the suggested strategies, the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "detrimental," "abundant," "meaningless," and "beneficial." However, there are instances where the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive or lacks variation. For example, the phrase "social network" is used multiple times without synonyms or variations, which could enhance the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should consider using synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "social network," alternatives like "social media platforms," "online communities," or "digital networks" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "cyberbullying," "digital literacy," or "information overload," could elevate the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the amount and kind of these information" should be corrected to "the amount and kind of information" since "information" is an uncountable noun. Additionally, the phrase "they will very curious and easily to be addicted" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; it should be "they become very curious and can easily become addicted."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should review their sentences for grammatical accuracy and clarity. Practicing sentence restructuring and ensuring that noun forms are used correctly (e.g., avoiding the plural form of uncountable nouns) will help. Furthermore, using collocations correctly, such as "become addicted to" instead of "easily to be addicted," will improve the overall precision of vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "youngsters" is spelled correctly, but "kind of these information" should be "kind of information," and "deviation behaviors" is awkward; a more appropriate term might be "deviant behaviors." Additionally, "beneficial to youngster’s knowledge" should be "beneficial to youngsters’ knowledge" to correctly pluralize and possess the noun.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice of spelling commonly used academic vocabulary. Utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading the essay multiple times can help catch errors. Furthermore, reading extensively can enhance familiarity with correct spelling and usage, which will aid in avoiding these mistakes in future writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing lexical resource through varied vocabulary, precise usage, and correct spelling will contribute to a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, simple sentences such as "Some argue that the internet is detrimental to the general populace" are effectively used, but there is a noticeable reliance on similar sentence patterns throughout the essay. Complex structures are attempted, as seen in "when young people rely on social media to find entertainment," but they are often flawed or awkwardly constructed. The use of phrases like "the problem is some of those are include negative contents" indicates a struggle with more sophisticated grammatical forms.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied clauses. For example, using conditional clauses ("If young people spend too much time online, they may face serious consequences") or relative clauses ("which can lead to negative outcomes") would add depth. Additionally, practicing the transformation of simple sentences into compound or complex ones can help diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "the amount and kind of these information" should be corrected to "the amount and kind of this information," as "information" is an uncountable noun. There are also issues with verb forms, such as "younger users are often spend a large amount of time," which should be "younger users often spend a large amount of time." Punctuation errors, such as the misuse of commas and the lack of necessary punctuation in complex sentences, further complicate the reading experience.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that each sentence is complete and correctly punctuated will enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize proper grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, addressing the highlighted areas of grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the quality of writing and potentially raise the band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some contend that the internet is detrimental to the general populace, particularly among young people, due to the quantity and type of information they can access. Personally, I disagree with this assertion for several reasons.

One argument for the adverse impact of internet utilization is that younger users often spend considerable time engaging with an abundance of irrelevant information online, which could lead to physical, mental health, and societal problems. To elaborate, when young people rely on social media for entertainment, they become highly curious and easily addicted to various types of videos, posts, and news. The issue is that some of this content includes negative themes, such as violence and dangerous actions. As a result, they may mimic what they see and engage in deviant behaviors, leading to a significant number of youngsters committing crimes. Moreover, instead of going outside, they spend nearly all day on social media, which can cause teenagers to become more sensitive, lacking confidence and communication skills, while also facing health issues due to a lack of physical activity.

On the other hand, it is understandable that many individuals argue that using social networks can be beneficial to young people’s knowledge and practical skills. Firstly, accessing a wide range of useful information provides them with insights into other cultures, broadening their horizons. Additionally, students can relearn numerous lessons about what they have been taught in school, leading to a deeper understanding and resulting in better academic performance. Secondly, if teenagers watch practical information, such as self-defense skills or business skills, they are more likely to live independently, choose their own career paths, and enhance their problem-solving skills.

In conclusion, while the use of social networks by young people may lead to serious societal issues, I maintain that the advantages outweigh the negative influences. Ultimately, it depends on the type of information they consume; therefore, selecting the right content on the internet can strengthen many aspects of young people’s lives.