The job market today is very competitive, and it is best to choose a career or field of study early in order to get a good job later in life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The job market today is very competitive, and it is best to choose a career or field of study early in order to get a good job later in life.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a common belief that a career orientation should be decided early to achieve attainment in the future due to the competitive job market at present. From my perspective, I partially agree with this opinion and I will state my point of view in the paragraphs below.

On the one hand, having a career chosen at the start can have some merits. First, all essential requirements for the job can be prepared. For illustration, if a person strives to become an IT engineer, he or she can make some preparations beforehand by studying some basic coding languages such as C++ or Python. By doing this, they can not only save time but also boost their efficiency in the long run since they can spend more time learning advanced knowledge instead of studying fundamental knowledge. On top of that, starting early also means that they can experience more. Thanks to that, they can have more first-hand experiences compared to people starting later so that they can tackle challenges related to their field more easily.

On the other hand, picking a job early on may have some risks. The most glaring disadvantage is that they possibly change their career orientation when they grow up. Since mature thoughts may be significantly different from the thoughts of people’s thoughts during their childhood, the job they have picked may not be what they want when they grow up so dedicating efforts to that job orientation could be a waste of time. Moreover, as the job market is inconsistent and changes rapidly over time, the chosen career may be outdated.

In conclusion, I suppose that focusing on a specific career early is a double-edged blade. For me, the best way to go is that if a career is chosen early then the learners should learn some basic knowledge about other fields to prevent their career from being outdated.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "It is a common belief that a career orientation should be decided early to achieve attainment in the future due to the competitive job market at present." -> "It is widely believed that selecting a career path early is crucial for future success in today’s highly competitive job market."
   Explanation: The revised sentence employs more formal and precise vocabulary, enhancing the academic tone. "Attainment" is replaced with "success," and "competitive job market at present" is rephrased as "today’s highly competitive job market."

2. "From my perspective, I partially agree with this opinion and I will state my point of view in the paragraphs below." -> "In my view, I hold a nuanced stance on this issue, and I will elaborate on my perspective in the following paragraphs."
   Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a formal tone while replacing the casual "From my perspective" with "In my view." Additionally, "partially agree with this opinion" is replaced with "hold a nuanced stance on this issue."

3. "On the one hand, having a career chosen at the start can have some merits." -> "On one hand, making an early career choice offers several advantages."
   Explanation: The revision removes the unnecessary wordiness and simplifies the sentence while retaining a formal tone.

4. "First, all essential requirements for the job can be prepared." -> "Firstly, individuals can adequately prepare all the essential job requirements."
   Explanation: The revision uses "firstly" for better organization and replaces "can be prepared" with "individuals can adequately prepare," which is more precise and formal.

5. "For illustration, if a person strives to become an IT engineer, he or she can make some preparations beforehand by studying some basic coding languages such as C++ or Python." -> "For example, if someone aspires to pursue a career as an IT engineer, they can prepare in advance by acquiring proficiency in fundamental coding languages like C++ or Python."
   Explanation: The revised sentence employs a more formal structure and replaces informal phrasing with a more precise description of the actions required.

6. "On top of that, starting early also means that they can experience more." -> "Furthermore, commencing their career journey early provides them with more opportunities for firsthand experience."
   Explanation: The revision replaces the colloquial "On top of that" with "Furthermore" and maintains a formal tone.

7. "Thanks to that, they can have more first-hand experiences compared to people starting later so that they can tackle challenges related to their field more easily." -> "This allows them to gain more firsthand experiences compared to those who begin later, thereby enhancing their ability to address field-specific challenges with greater ease."
   Explanation: The revised sentence is more formal and precise, avoiding casual phrases like "Thanks to that."

8. "On the other hand, picking a job early on may have some risks." -> "Conversely, making an early career choice carries certain risks."
   Explanation: The revision maintains a formal tone while simplifying the sentence structure.

9. "The most glaring disadvantage is that they possibly change their career orientation when they grow up." -> "The most prominent drawback is the potential for a change in career interests as they mature."
   Explanation: The revised sentence uses "prominent drawback" for a more formal expression and avoids the casual "possibly" by using "potential."

10. "Since mature thoughts may be significantly different from the thoughts of people’s thoughts during their childhood, the job they have picked may not be what they want when they grow up so dedicating efforts to that job orientation could be a waste of time." -> "As mature perspectives often diverge significantly from childhood aspirations, the career choice made early on may no longer align with their future desires, potentially rendering their efforts in that direction futile."
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality and clarity by using more precise language and avoiding redundancy.

11. "In conclusion, I suppose that focusing on a specific career early is a double-edged blade." -> "In conclusion, I believe that early specialization in a particular career is a double-edged sword."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a formal tone and replaces "I suppose" with "I believe."

12. "For me, the best way to go is that if a career is chosen early then the learners should learn some basic knowledge about other fields to prevent their career from being outdated." -> "In my opinion, the optimal approach is for individuals who choose a career path early to also acquire foundational knowledge in other fields, safeguarding against career obsolescence."
    Explanation: The revision maintains formality and clarity, replacing the casual "For me" with "In my opinion" and using more precise language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

1. Quoted text: "It is a common belief that a career orientation should be decided early to achieve attainment in the future due to the competitive job market at present. From my perspective, I partially agree with this opinion and I will state my point of view in the paragraphs below."

   • Giải thích và Gợi ý cải thiện: The introduction sets the stage for your essay by addressing the topic. However, it lacks a clear thesis statement that explicitly states your position on the issue. To improve clarity, you should clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement in the prompt and briefly outline the main points you will discuss in the essay.
   • Improved example: "In today’s competitive job market, there is a widespread belief that one should make early career choices to secure a successful future. In this essay, I will present my partially agreeable stance on this issue, highlighting both the advantages and disadvantages of choosing a career path early in life."

2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, having a career chosen at the start can have some merits. First, all essential requirements for the job can be prepared. For illustration, if a person strives to become an IT engineer, he or she can make some preparations beforehand by studying some basic coding languages such as C++ or Python. By doing this, they can not only save time but also boost their efficiency in the long run since they can spend more time learning advanced knowledge instead of studying fundamental knowledge. On top of that, starting early also means that they can experience more. Thanks to that, they can have more first-hand experiences compared to people starting later so that they can tackle challenges related to their field more easily."

   • Giải thích và Gợi ý cải thiện: This paragraph effectively presents the advantages of choosing a career early, but it could benefit from more specific examples or personal experiences to support the points made. Additionally, it lacks a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
   • Improved example: "One significant advantage of early career selection is the opportunity to adequately prepare for the chosen profession. For instance, someone aspiring to become an IT engineer can lay a strong foundation by learning essential coding languages like C++ or Python. This early preparation not only saves time but also enhances long-term efficiency, allowing individuals to focus on advanced knowledge. Moreover, an early start provides ample room for gaining valuable firsthand experiences, enabling better preparation for future challenges."

3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, picking a job early on may have some risks. The most glaring disadvantage is that they possibly change their career orientation when they grow up. Since mature thoughts may be significantly different from the thoughts of people’s thoughts during their childhood, the job they have picked may not be what they want when they grow up so dedicating efforts to that job orientation could be a waste of time. Moreover, as the job market is inconsistent and changes rapidly over time, the chosen career may be outdated."

   • Giải thích và Gợi ý cải thiện: This paragraph effectively presents the risks associated with early career choices. However, it could benefit from specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate the point about changing career orientations. Additionally, the paragraph lacks a clear topic sentence to introduce its main idea.
   • Improved example: "Conversely, making early career decisions carries inherent risks. The most prominent drawback is the potential for individuals to outgrow their chosen career path as they mature. Adult perspectives often differ significantly from childhood aspirations, and dedicating substantial effort to a prematurely selected career may prove futile. Furthermore, the volatile nature of the job market means that the chosen career may become obsolete over time."

4. Quoted text: "In conclusion, I suppose that focusing on a specific career early is a double-edged blade. For me, the best way to go is that if a career is chosen early then the learners should learn some basic knowledge about other fields to prevent their career from being outdated."

   • Giải thích và Gợi ý cải thiện: Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your position, which is good. However, it could be strengthened by briefly restating the main advantages and disadvantages you discussed in the body paragraphs. This reinforces your argument and leaves a stronger impression on the reader.
   • Improved example: "In conclusion, the decision to choose a career early in life is indeed a double-edged sword, with its merits and pitfalls. To strike a balance, it is advisable for early career choosers to acquire foundational knowledge in diverse fields, safeguarding against the risk of their chosen career becoming outdated in our rapidly evolving world."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. It logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. The essay uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately, although there is some minor overuse and underuse. Paragraphing is generally clear and helps present a clear central topic within each paragraph.

How to improve: To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, the following suggestions can be considered:

1. Use Cohesive Devices More Sparingly: While the essay uses cohesive devices appropriately, there is some minor overuse. Try to use them more sparingly and naturally to avoid drawing too much attention to them.

2. Provide More Specific Examples: To enhance coherence, consider providing more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This can help readers better understand and relate to your arguments.

3. Transition Sentences: Include transition sentences or phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to guide readers through the essay’s flow more smoothly.

4. Thematic Consistency: Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear thematic focus and connects back to the main topic of the essay. This can further strengthen coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles but could benefit from some refinement in the use of cohesive devices and the clarity of examples provided.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It uses a variety of vocabulary, including some less common words and phrases, such as "attainment," "dedicating efforts," and "double-edged blade." However, there are instances where vocabulary usage could be more precise, and some vocabulary choices are less sophisticated than those expected at higher band levels. For example, phrases like "starting early" and "job orientation" could be expressed with more sophisticated alternatives. The essay also occasionally lacks the precision and sophistication expected in higher bands.

There are some minor errors in word choice and collocation, such as "strives to become" which might be better phrased as "aspires to become." Additionally, there is a minor issue with word formation, as in "mature thoughts may be significantly different from the thoughts of people’s thoughts," which could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary and attempts to use less common vocabulary, it does so with some inaccuracies and inconsistencies, placing it within Band 6.

How to improve:

1. Work on using more precise and sophisticated vocabulary consistently throughout the essay.
2. Pay close attention to word choice and collocation to avoid occasional inaccuracies.
3. Review and revise sentences for clarity and precision to eliminate minor word formation errors.
4. Aim for greater consistency in the use of less common vocabulary items to enhance the overall lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: This essay falls within the Band 6 range for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. It demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and while it does contain some errors in grammar and punctuation, these errors rarely reduce communication.

The essay effectively uses a variety of complex structures, such as conditional sentences ("if a person strives," "if a career is chosen early") and comparative language ("more first-hand experiences compared to people starting later"). These complex structures enhance the overall quality of the essay.

However, there are grammatical errors present, such as: "Thanks to that, they can have more first-hand experiences compared to people starting later so that they can tackle challenges related to their field more easily." The phrase "so that they can tackle challenges related to their field more easily" is somewhat awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.

Additionally, there are some minor punctuation issues throughout the essay. For instance, "For me, the best way to go is that if a career is chosen early then the learners should learn some basic knowledge about other fields to prevent their career from being outdated." The comma after "early" is unnecessary and affects the overall clarity of the sentence.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to punctuation and sentence structure. Proofreading for unnecessary commas and awkward phrasing would enhance the essay’s clarity and precision. Additionally, ensuring consistency in verb tense and subject-verb agreement is essential to reduce errors further.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely believed that selecting a career path early is crucial for future success in today’s highly competitive job market. In my view, I hold a nuanced stance on this issue, and I will elaborate on my perspective in the following paragraphs.

On one hand, making an early career choice offers several advantages. Firstly, individuals can adequately prepare all the essential job requirements. For example, if someone aspires to pursue a career as an IT engineer, they can prepare in advance by acquiring proficiency in fundamental coding languages like C++ or Python. Furthermore, commencing their career journey early provides them with more opportunities for firsthand experience. This allows them to gain more firsthand experiences compared to those who begin later, thereby enhancing their ability to address field-specific challenges with greater ease.

Conversely, making an early career choice carries certain risks. The most prominent drawback is the potential for a change in career interests as they mature. As mature perspectives often diverge significantly from childhood aspirations, the career choice made early on may no longer align with their future desires, potentially rendering their efforts in that direction futile.

In conclusion, I believe that early specialization in a particular career is a double-edged sword. In my opinion, the optimal approach is for individuals who choose a career path early to also acquire foundational knowledge in other fields, safeguarding against career obsolescence.