The line chart shows the statistics about the proportion of vegetarian adolescents in the United Kingdom from 1960 to 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph illustrates a substantial surge in the adoption of a vegetarian diet among UK teenagers from 1960 to 1970. Although there was a notable decline during the 1980s, it is anticipated that the trend will continue to rise in the future.

Between 1960 and 1980, there was a gradual increase in the number of UK teenagers adhering to a vegetarian diet, reaching a peak of about 15% in 1980. This was the largest percentage of young vegetarians in the UK during that time period. There was a significant decrease, followed by a small increase thereafter. According to the graph, there was a decline in the years after the peak vertex in 1980. Subsequently, it is anticipated to steadily rise. Between 1990 and 2000, this ratio experienced fluctuations and reached its lowest peak in this time frame, just above 3%.

Analysis of the data reveals that the proportion of young individuals adhering to a vegetarian diet had volatility, but ultimately exhibited a progressive growth until 2010. Projections suggest that this percentage will stay relatively stable in the next decade.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"a substantial surge" -> "a significant increase"
Explanation: "Substantial surge" might be considered an idiom, which is less formal and more colloquial than "significant increase," which is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts.
"UK teenagers" -> "British adolescents"
Explanation: "UK teenagers" is a bit informal and vague; "British adolescents" is more specific and formal, aligning better with academic style.
"notable decline" -> "significant decline"
Explanation: Similar to the previous point, "notable" is less formal and can be vague; "significant" is more precise and commonly used in academic writing.
"it is anticipated" -> "it is expected"
Explanation: "Anticipated" can imply a sense of expectation based on evidence, which is more specific and appropriate for academic writing than the more general "anticipated."
"gradual increase" -> "steady increase"
Explanation: "Gradual" can be vague; "steady" is more precise and commonly used in academic descriptions of trends.
"peak of about 15%" -> "peak of approximately 15%"
Explanation: "About" is somewhat informal and less precise; "approximately" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"young vegetarians" -> "adolescent vegetarians"
Explanation: "Young vegetarians" is informal and imprecise; "adolescent vegetarians" specifies the age group more clearly and formally.
"decline in the years after the peak vertex" -> "decline following the peak"
Explanation: "Peak vertex" is an unusual and potentially confusing term; "peak" is sufficient and clearer.
"this ratio experienced fluctuations" -> "this proportion fluctuated"
Explanation: "Experienced fluctuations" is slightly awkward and less direct; "fluctuated" is a more straightforward and commonly used term in academic writing.
"lowest peak" -> "lowest point"
Explanation: "Peak" is typically used to describe the highest point, not the lowest; "lowest point" is the correct term.
"ultimately exhibited a progressive growth" -> "ultimately showed a progressive growth"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is less common in this context; "showed" is more direct and commonly used in academic writing.
"stay relatively stable" -> "remain relatively stable"
Explanation: "Stay" is less formal and slightly less precise than "remain," which is more commonly used in formal and academic contexts.

These changes aim to refine the language to better suit an academic style, enhancing precision and formality while maintaining clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. Instead, it recounts details mechanically, with no clear overview. The essay also presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. For example, the essay mentions that there was a "substantial surge" in the adoption of a vegetarian diet among UK teenagers from 1960 to 1970, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also mentions that there was a "significant decrease" in the number of young vegetarians in the UK during the 1980s, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific data to support its claims. For example, the essay could state that the proportion of vegetarian adolescents in the UK increased from 1% in 1960 to 15% in 1980. The essay could also state that the proportion of vegetarian adolescents in the UK decreased from 15% in 1980 to 3% in 2000. The essay could also provide more specific data about the fluctuations in the proportion of vegetarian adolescents in the UK between 1990 and 2000. Finally, the essay could provide more specific data about the projected increase in the proportion of vegetarian adolescents in the UK in the next decade.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas in a coherent manner, demonstrating a clear overall progression from the introduction of the topic to the analysis of the data. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, with some sentences lacking smooth transitions. While the essay does present a central topic within each paragraph, the referencing could be clearer, particularly when discussing the fluctuations in the data. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between ideas are smoother. Clarifying references and making sure that each paragraph logically flows into the next will also improve the overall organization. Lastly, maintaining consistent paragraphing that clearly separates different ideas or time periods will contribute to a more coherent structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "surge," "adhering," and "volatility," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "anticipated to steadily rise" and "largest percentage of young vegetarians in the UK during that time period." While the vocabulary does convey the main ideas, the errors in word choice and the occasional lack of precision limit its effectiveness. Additionally, there are some spelling and grammatical errors, such as "this ratio experienced fluctuations," which could cause minor confusion for the reader. Overall, the vocabulary used is adequate but lacks the sophistication and flexibility required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary with greater precision. Practicing the use of less common lexical items in context, ensuring correct collocations, and minimizing errors in spelling and word formation would enhance the overall quality. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using more complex vocabulary could contribute to a more nuanced and effective expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While it does convey the main features of the graph and maintains overall communication, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the largest percentage of young vegetarians in the UK during that time period" could be simplified for better readability. Additionally, the use of "anticipated" and "projections suggest" indicates an attempt at complexity, but the execution lacks precision, leading to some confusion in meaning.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and reducing the number of errors. This could involve practicing more complex sentences while ensuring they are grammatically correct. Additionally, enhancing vocabulary and varying sentence structures can help improve the overall coherence and flow of the essay. Proofreading for clarity and conciseness would also be beneficial.

Bài sửa mẫu

Between 1960 and 1980, there was a gradual increase in the number of UK teenagers adhering to a vegetarian diet, reaching a peak of about 15% in 1980. This represented the largest percentage of young vegetarians in the UK during that time period. Following this peak, there was a significant decrease, accompanied by a small increase thereafter. According to the graph, there was a decline in the years after the peak in 1980. Subsequently, it is projected to steadily rise. Between 1990 and 2000, this ratio experienced fluctuations and reached its lowest point in this timeframe, just above 3%.

Analysis of the data reveals that the proportion of young individuals adhering to a vegetarian diet exhibited volatility but ultimately showed progressive growth until 2010. Projections suggest that this percentage will remain relatively stable in the next decade.