The line graph below shows changes in the amount and the type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. Summarize the information, and make comparison where relevant.

The provided chart illustrates the comparison of three types of junk food that teen Australian consumers over the 25-year period, beginning in 1975.

Overall, a significant decline was witnessed in Fish and Chips, while Pizza and Hamburgers, both demonstrate a clear upward trajectory.

Starting at below 18, Hamburgers and Pizza shared approximately the same number in 1975 before surging rapidly in both figures in the following years. In 1985, the increasing speed was gradually reduced after undertaking Fish and Chips and stood at approximately 100. Meanwhile, the significant surge maintained until 1995 and then remained stable at above 80 in a five-year period from 1995 to 2000.

Regarding Fish and Chips, exhibiting a predominant number in the first half period, beginning at about 100 in 1975 then fluctuating intensely in the next ten years before dropping dramatically to approximately 40. Because of the significant decline, the number of consumption in Fish and Chips was being exceeded by Hamburgers and Pizza in 1990 and 1995 respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the comparison of three types of junk food that teen Australian consumers" -> "the comparison of three types of junk food consumed by Australian teenagers"
Explanation: "Teen Australian consumers" is awkwardly phrased; "Australian teenagers" is more natural and concise, enhancing clarity.
"a significant decline was witnessed in Fish and Chips" -> "a significant decline was observed in Fish and Chips"
Explanation: "Witnessed" is more informal and less precise in academic writing; "observed" is a more appropriate term for data analysis.
"both demonstrate a clear upward trajectory" -> "both exhibit a clear upward trend"
Explanation: "Exhibit" is a more formal choice than "demonstrate," and "trend" is a more precise term than "trajectory" in this context.
"the increasing speed was gradually reduced after undertaking Fish and Chips" -> "the rate of increase gradually diminished after surpassing Fish and Chips"
Explanation: "Increasing speed" is vague; "rate of increase" is more specific. "Diminished" is a more formal term than "reduced," and "surpassing" is clearer than "undertaking."
"the significant surge maintained until 1995 and then remained stable at above 80" -> "the significant surge continued until 1995 and then stabilized above 80"
Explanation: "Maintained" is less precise than "continued," and "stabilized" is a more appropriate term than "remained stable," enhancing clarity and formality.
"exhibiting a predominant number in the first half period" -> "exhibiting a predominant level during the first half of the period"
Explanation: "Level" is a more precise term than "number," and "during the first half of the period" clarifies the timeframe.
"then fluctuating intensely in the next ten years" -> "then fluctuating significantly over the subsequent ten years"
Explanation: "Intensely" is informal; "significantly" is more appropriate in an academic context, and "subsequent" is clearer than "next."
"the number of consumption in Fish and Chips was being exceeded" -> "the consumption of Fish and Chips was surpassed"
Explanation: "The number of consumption" is awkward; "the consumption of" is more natural. "Was surpassed" is more direct and formal than "was being exceeded."
"by Hamburgers and Pizza in 1990 and 1995 respectively" -> "by Hamburgers and Pizza in 1990 and 1995, respectively"
Explanation: The placement of the comma before "respectively" enhances clarity and adheres to formal writing conventions.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the consumption of fast food by Australian teenagers. The essay also presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but the details are sometimes irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "Hamburgers and Pizza shared approximately the same number in 1975" but the graph shows that Hamburgers were consumed less than Pizza in 1975.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. The writer should also focus on providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data, rather than simply recounting the details mechanically. For example, the essay could state that the consumption of Fish and Chips declined steadily over the 25-year period, while the consumption of Pizza and Hamburgers increased steadily. The essay could also provide more specific details about the changes in consumption, such as the rate of increase or decrease.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression. However, while it uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat faulty or mechanical. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transitions between ideas could be smoother. The central topics within paragraphs are identifiable, but the connections between them could be enhanced for better flow.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs and ensuring that cohesive devices are used more naturally. Additionally, refining the paragraph structure to clearly delineate different aspects of the data while maintaining a smooth transition will enhance coherence. Using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensuring that references are clear will also contribute to a more cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "surging," "trajectory," and "fluctuating," but there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and collocation, such as "the comparison of three types of junk food that teen Australian consumers" which is awkwardly phrased. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "the number of consumption," which should be "the amount of consumption." While these errors do not severely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. This includes refining word choices to avoid awkward phrases and ensuring correct collocations. Additionally, minimizing spelling and word formation errors will contribute to a clearer and more professional presentation. Engaging with more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures can also elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective complex structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the comparison of three types of junk food that teen Australian consumers" and "the increasing speed was gradually reduced after undertaking Fish and Chips" are unclear and could be expressed more accurately. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas that could improve readability.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and clarity. This can be accomplished by:

Refining Sentence Structures: Use clearer and more precise language. For example, rephrase awkward constructions to improve clarity.
Minimizing Errors: Proofread the essay to catch and correct grammatical and punctuation errors.
Expanding Vocabulary: Incorporate a broader range of vocabulary to express ideas more effectively and avoid repetition.
Practicing Complex Sentences: Continue to practice using complex sentence structures while ensuring they are grammatically correct and contribute to the overall clarity of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart illustrates the consumption trends of three types of fast food among Australian teenagers over a 25-year period, beginning in 1975.

Overall, a significant decline was observed in Fish and Chips, while both Pizza and Hamburgers demonstrated a clear upward trajectory.

Starting at below 18, Hamburgers and Pizza had approximately the same consumption level in 1975 before surging rapidly in the following years. By 1985, the rate of increase began to gradually slow after surpassing Fish and Chips, reaching approximately 100. Meanwhile, this significant surge continued until 1995, after which consumption remained stable at above 80 during the five-year period from 1995 to 2000.

In contrast, Fish and Chips exhibited the highest consumption in the first half of the period, beginning at about 100 in 1975. However, it fluctuated significantly in the next ten years before dropping dramatically to approximately 40. Due to this substantial decline, the consumption of Fish and Chips was surpassed by Hamburgers and Pizza in 1990 and 1995, respectively.