fbpx

The line graph below shows the amount of wast produce by three companies over a period of 15 years.

The line graph below shows the amount of wast produce by three companies over a period of 15 years.

The line graph below shows the amount of wast produce by three companies over a period of 15 years.
Overall, the number of companies B and A decreased, while company C increased. Additionally, the company B which is the one that drops the most.
Looking at the company C, the one climbed gradually. In 2010, it met company B and about 2014 it met company A were dipping.
Moving onto company B and A, we could see their dropped from 2000 to 2015. Although, at the beginning of company A is the highest. Finally, company B is the most lowest deep.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "wast produce" -> "waste produced"
    Explanation: "Wast" is a typographical error. The correct term "waste" should be used to accurately convey the intended meaning.

  2. "the number of companies B and A decreased" -> "the amounts produced by companies B and A decreased"
    Explanation: The phrase "the number of companies" is misleading; it should refer to the "amounts produced" to clarify that the focus is on the waste generated, not the number of companies.

  3. "company C increased" -> "company C experienced an increase"
    Explanation: The phrase "experienced an increase" provides a more formal tone and emphasizes the change in production levels.

  4. "the company B which is the one that drops the most" -> "company B, which experienced the most significant decline"
    Explanation: The phrase is restructured for clarity and formality. "Experienced the most significant decline" is more precise and avoids the informal phrasing "drops the most."

  5. "the one climbed gradually" -> "which climbed gradually"
    Explanation: The phrase is simplified for clarity. "Which" directly refers to company C, making the sentence more straightforward.

  6. "it met company B and about 2014 it met company A were dipping" -> "it surpassed company B, and around 2014, it surpassed company A, which were both declining"
    Explanation: The original phrasing is unclear and awkward. "Surpassed" is more precise than "met," and the restructuring clarifies the timeline and the actions of the companies.

  7. "Moving onto company B and A" -> "Turning to companies B and A"
    Explanation: "Turning to" is a more formal transition than "moving onto," which enhances the academic tone.

  8. "we could see their dropped from 2000 to 2015" -> "there was a decline in their production from 2000 to 2015"
    Explanation: The phrase "we could see" is informal. "There was a decline in their production" is more precise and maintains a formal tone.

  9. "the beginning of company A is the highest" -> "the initial production levels of company A were the highest"
    Explanation: "Initial production levels" is more specific and formal than "the beginning," improving clarity.

  10. "company B is the most lowest deep" -> "company B exhibited the lowest levels of production"
    Explanation: The phrase "the most lowest deep" is awkward and incorrect. "Exhibited the lowest levels of production" is clear, precise, and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "company B is the most lowest deep" which is not a clear and accurate description of the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features/bullet points of the data, rather than providing irrelevant details. The essay should also use more accurate and precise language to describe the data. For example, instead of saying "company B is the most lowest deep", the essay could say "company B experienced the steepest decline in waste production".

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents some information and ideas, but they are not arranged coherently, and there is no clear progression in the response. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate, leading to confusion in the relationships between ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is inadequate, as it does not effectively separate different points or ideas, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the information logically, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution will aid in reducing repetition and enhancing overall flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task, but the vocabulary used is quite limited and often repetitive. There are several instances of incorrect word forms (e.g., "wast produce" instead of "waste produced") and awkward phrasing (e.g., "the most lowest deep"). The essay lacks variety in vocabulary and does not effectively convey precise meanings, which is crucial for higher band scores. Additionally, spelling errors and incorrect collocations further impede clarity, making it difficult for the reader to fully grasp the intended message.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of terms related to waste production and trends. They should also practice using less common lexical items accurately and ensure correct word forms are used. Paying attention to collocations and avoiding repetition will help improve the overall quality of the essay. Lastly, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors can significantly enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a very limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors that hinder clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "the number of companies B and A decreased" should be "the numbers of companies B and A decreased"), and the use of phrases such as "the one that drops the most" is awkward and unclear. Additionally, the sentence structures are simplistic, and there are several grammatical inaccuracies (e.g., "the one climbed gradually" lacks a subject). Overall, while some sentences are understandable, the errors are frequent enough to cause difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences. Practicing subject-verb agreement and ensuring clarity in phrasing will also help. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and punctuation can significantly improve the overall quality of the writing. Engaging with more advanced grammatical concepts and structures will aid in achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph below shows the amount of waste produced by three companies over a period of 15 years.

Overall, the amounts produced by companies A and B decreased, while company C experienced an increase. Additionally, company B exhibited the most significant decline.

Looking at company C, it climbed gradually over the years. In 2010, it surpassed company B, and around 2014, it overtook company A, which was also declining.

Moving on to companies B and A, we can observe their decrease from 2000 to 2015. Although company A had the highest amount of waste at the beginning, it ultimately fell below company B, which recorded the lowest levels of waste production.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này