The line graph below shows the amounts of waste produced by 3 companies over a period of 15 years

Information peratining to the amount of waste which was manufactured by three differrent companies from 2000 to 20215 has been provided in this chart. The firgues are measured in the amounts of waste
Overall, the waste production in company A and B saw a decraese, by contrast, company C followed an increase trend. In addition, company C had the lowest waste production at the beginning but went to the highest at the end of the period.
Beginning with the statistics for company A, it started with 12 tonnes and significantly fell down to 9 tonnes in 2010. Subsequently, it continued to decrease to around 8 tonnes. Similarly, the amount of waste produced in company B exhibited a moderate start at 8 waste in tonnes and peaked at 10 in 2005, before plummeting to 3 tonnes by the end of the observed period.
Meanwhile, company C followed the opposite trend. The waste production in company C started with 4 tonnes at the beginning and stably increased to 6 tonnes in 2005. Subsequently, it continued to go up to approximately 10 tonnes in the next 10 years.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"peratining" -> "pertaining"
Explanation: The misspelling of "pertaining" disrupts the professionalism of the text. Correcting it enhances clarity and maintains academic integrity.
"differrent" -> "different"
Explanation: The misspelling of "different" detracts from the formality of the essay. Correcting it improves the overall quality of the writing.
"firgues" -> "figures"
Explanation: The misspelling of "figures" can confuse readers. Using the correct spelling ensures clarity and professionalism.
"amounts of waste" -> "volume of waste"
Explanation: "Volume" is a more precise term in this context, as it specifically refers to the quantity of waste produced, enhancing the academic tone.
"saw a decraese" -> "experienced a decrease"
Explanation: "Experienced" is a more formal and precise verb choice compared to "saw," which is informal. This change improves the academic tone.
"increase trend" -> "increasing trend"
Explanation: "Increasing trend" is grammatically correct and more natural than "increase trend," which is awkward and unclear.
"had the lowest waste production at the beginning but went to the highest at the end of the period" -> "had the lowest waste production at the beginning and reached the highest by the end of the period"
Explanation: "Reached" is a more precise verb than "went to," which is vague. This change enhances clarity and maintains a formal tone.
"significantly fell down" -> "significantly decreased"
Explanation: "Decreased" is a more formal and precise term than "fell down," which is informal and less specific.
"exhibited a moderate start at 8 waste in tonnes" -> "exhibited a moderate start at 8 tonnes of waste"
Explanation: The phrase "8 waste in tonnes" is awkward. Rephrasing it to "8 tonnes of waste" improves clarity and maintains a formal tone.
"plummeting to 3 tonnes" -> "declining to 3 tonnes"
Explanation: "Declining" is a more neutral and formal term compared to "plummeting," which carries a more emotional connotation.
"followed the opposite trend" -> "exhibited the opposite trend"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "followed," enhancing the academic tone.
"stably increased" -> "consistently increased"
Explanation: "Consistently" conveys a more precise and formal meaning than "stably," which can be vague in this context.
"go up to approximately 10 tonnes" -> "rise to approximately 10 tonnes"
Explanation: "Rise" is a more formal and precise verb than "go up," improving the academic tone of the writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also does not adequately highlight key features/bullet points. For example, the essay states that company C had the lowest waste production at the beginning but went to the highest at the end of the period, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by highlighting key features/bullet points more effectively. For example, the essay could state that company A’s waste production decreased from 12 tonnes in 2000 to 8 tonnes in 2015, while company B’s waste production decreased from 8 tonnes in 2000 to 3 tonnes in 2015. The essay could also state that company C’s waste production increased from 4 tonnes in 2000 to 10 tonnes in 2015.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the trends for each company, the transitions between ideas and paragraphs are not always clear. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, leading to some awkward phrasing and repetition. For example, phrases like "in addition" and "meanwhile" are used, but they do not always effectively connect the ideas. Furthermore, there are issues with paragraphing; the essay does not clearly separate the discussion of each company, which can confuse the reader.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearer paragraphing, ensuring that each paragraph centers on a single topic or company. Improving the use of cohesive devices by varying them and ensuring they logically connect ideas would also help. Additionally, providing clearer transitions between points and maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay will contribute to a more coherent structure. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will improve overall clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the trends in waste production, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation (e.g., "peratining," "firgues," "decraese," "waste in tonnes"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader, impacting overall clarity. The use of phrases like "significantly fell down" and "exhibited a moderate start" shows some attempt to use less common vocabulary, but the inaccuracies and repetitive language detract from the overall effectiveness.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling and word formation. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Additionally, practicing the use of more precise and sophisticated vocabulary, while ensuring correct collocations, will improve clarity and effectiveness in conveying meaning.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex sentences. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as misspellings ("peratining," "differrent," "firgues," "decraese," "waste in tonnes"), incorrect word forms ("waste production in company A and B saw a decraese"), and issues with punctuation. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the content clearly. While the overall message is communicated, the inaccuracies detract from the overall effectiveness of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Proofreading: Carefully check for spelling and grammatical errors before finalizing the essay.
Variety of Structures: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more complex sentences, to demonstrate flexibility in grammar.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to ensure clarity and coherence in the writing.
Practice: Regularly practice writing essays and seek feedback to identify and correct recurring grammatical issues.

Bài sửa mẫu

Information pertaining to the amount of waste produced by three different companies from 2000 to 2015 has been provided in this chart. The figures are measured in tonnes.

Overall, the waste production in companies A and B saw a decrease; by contrast, company C followed an increasing trend. Additionally, company C had the lowest waste production at the beginning but rose to the highest by the end of the period.

Beginning with the statistics for company A, it started with 12 tonnes and significantly fell to 9 tonnes in 2010. Subsequently, it continued to decrease to around 8 tonnes. Similarly, the amount of waste produced by company B exhibited a moderate start at 8 tonnes and peaked at 10 tonnes in 2005, before plummeting to 3 tonnes by the end of the observed period.

Meanwhile, company C followed the opposite trend. The waste production in company C started at 4 tonnes and steadily increased to 6 tonnes in 2005. Subsequently, it continued to rise to approximately 10 tonnes over the next 10 years.