The line graph below shows the average daily maximum temperatures for Auckland and Christchurch, two cities in New Zealand, and London and Edinburgh, two cities in the United Kingdom. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the average daily maximum temperatures for Auckland and Christchurch, two cities in New Zealand, and London and Edinburgh, two cities in the United Kingdom.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given line graph provides a comparison of the average monthly maximum temperatures in four cities in both the UK and New Zealand.
Overall, the figures in four cities experienced no significant change, which two huge towns in New Zealand saw a decrease then recovered that in the UK grew and returned subsequently.
In terms of New Zealand, Auckland recorded the most prominent figure at nearly 25 degrees in January, then it fell dramatically and was surpassed by two cities in the UK in May and June simultaneously. In July, the temperatures in Auckland remained about 15 degrees and a half increased approximately five months afterward. A similar pattern was seen in the figure in Christchurch starting at around 23 degrees, nearly one degree smaller than that in Auckland. In 6 months after, Christchurch also witnessed almost 2 times decrease, then recovered back and approximate the same number with the Auckland.
Regarding Britain, both cities in the UK shared the same initial number at 5 degrees. Thenceforth, the temperature in London saw a rapid rise to closely 23 degrees, while that in Edinburgh increased noticeably by just around 12 degrees in July. In December, the figures in both cities approximately shared an equivalent quantity again.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "huge towns" -> "large cities"
   Explanation: The term "huge towns" is colloquial and imprecise. "Large cities" is more formal and suitable for academic writing, providing a clearer and more precise description of the urban areas mentioned.

2. "which two huge towns" -> "two large cities"
   Explanation: The phrase "which two huge towns" is awkwardly constructed and informal. "Two large cities" is more direct and maintains a formal tone appropriate for academic writing.

3. "saw a decrease then recovered" -> "experienced a decline followed by a recovery"
   Explanation: "Saw a decrease then recovered" is somewhat informal and lacks precision. "Experienced a decline followed by a recovery" uses more formal vocabulary and provides a clearer, more academic structure.

4. "then it fell dramatically" -> "then it plummeted significantly"
   Explanation: "Fell dramatically" is somewhat informal and vague. "Plummeted significantly" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the description.

5. "surpassed by two cities in the UK" -> "outpaced by two cities in the UK"
   Explanation: "Surpassed" can imply a direct comparison, which may not be intended here. "Outpaced" is more precise and appropriate for describing a relative change over time.

6. "a half increased" -> "increased by half"
   Explanation: "A half increased" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Increased by half" is grammatically correct and provides a clear, quantitative description of the change.

7. "nearly one degree smaller" -> "approximately one degree lower"
   Explanation: "Smaller" is not typically used to describe temperature differences. "Lower" is the correct term for temperature differences, and "approximately" is more precise than "nearly" in formal writing.

8. "almost 2 times decrease" -> "approximately a 2-fold decrease"
   Explanation: "Almost 2 times decrease" is awkward and imprecise. "Approximately a 2-fold decrease" is more formal and accurately conveys the magnitude of the decrease.

9. "Thenceforth" -> "Subsequently"
   Explanation: "Thenceforth" is a less common word that may be unfamiliar to some readers. "Subsequently" is a more widely recognized and formal alternative, fitting better in an academic context.

10. "closely 23 degrees" -> "nearly 23 degrees"
    Explanation: "Closely" is not typically used to describe temperature measurements. "Nearly" is the correct adverb for indicating proximity to a specific value in this context.

11. "approximately shared an equivalent quantity" -> "approximately equal"
    Explanation: "Shared an equivalent quantity" is verbose and awkward. "Approximately equal" is concise and maintains the formal tone required for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task, but it does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay provides a general overview of the information, but it does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay also presents some key features/bullet points, but it does not adequately cover them. For example, the essay states that the temperatures in Auckland and Christchurch "fell dramatically" and "recovered back," but it does not provide specific details about the extent of the decrease or the recovery.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could state that the temperature in Auckland fell from 25 degrees in January to 15 degrees in July, and then recovered to 20 degrees in December. The essay could also provide more specific details about the differences in temperature between the four cities.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but it lacks a clear overall progression. While there are attempts to compare the temperatures in the four cities, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the comparisons being made. Additionally, the paragraphing is not logical, as the transitions between ideas and topics are abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.

How to improve: To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer should focus on clearly organizing the information with a logical flow. This can be achieved by using more effective cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution will help avoid repetition and enhance the overall readability of the essay. Finally, ensuring that paragraphs are structured logically will contribute to a clearer progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "prominent," "dramatically," and "simultaneously," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and phrasing that detract from clarity. For instance, phrases like "two huge towns" and "the figures in four cities experienced no significant change" are awkwardly constructed and may confuse the reader. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "approximately five months afterward," which could be clearer as "approximately five months later." While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do affect the overall effectiveness of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding awkward phrasing and ensuring that word choices are appropriate for the context. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help to convey ideas more clearly. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors before submission would improve overall clarity and professionalism.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and awkward phrasing, are present. These errors occasionally hinder communication, making it difficult for the reader to fully grasp the intended meaning. Additionally, punctuation issues are noted, which further detracts from the overall clarity of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

1. Variety in Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence forms, ensuring that subordinate clauses are used correctly to add depth to the writing.
2. Error Correction: Review and revise the essay to correct grammatical errors, particularly with verb tenses and subject-verb agreement, to improve overall clarity.
3. Punctuation Practice: Pay attention to punctuation rules, ensuring that commas and periods are used correctly to enhance readability.
4. Proofreading: Implement a proofreading process to catch and correct errors before submission, which will help in producing more error-free sentences.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given line graph provides a comparison of the average monthly maximum temperatures in four cities: Auckland and Christchurch in New Zealand, and London and Edinburgh in the United Kingdom. Overall, the temperatures in these four cities experienced no significant change; however, the two major cities in New Zealand saw a decrease before recovering, while the temperatures in the UK cities increased and then returned to similar levels.

In terms of New Zealand, Auckland recorded the highest temperature at nearly 25 degrees in January, but then it fell dramatically, being surpassed by the two cities in the UK in May and June. In July, the temperatures in Auckland remained around 15.5 degrees, before increasing by approximately five degrees over the following months. A similar pattern was observed in Christchurch, which started at around 23 degrees, nearly one degree lower than that of Auckland. Six months later, Christchurch also experienced a nearly two-degree decrease, but then recovered to approximate the same temperature as Auckland.

Regarding the UK, both cities initially shared the same temperature of 5 degrees. Subsequently, the temperature in London saw a rapid rise to nearly 23 degrees, while Edinburgh’s temperature increased more modestly, by just around 12 degrees in July. In December, the temperatures in both cities were approximately equivalent once again.