The line graph below shows the oil production and consumption in China between 1982 and 2006.

The amount of oil which was produced and consumed in China over the period of 24 years starting from 1982 is presented in this graph. The figures are provided in millions of barrels each day.
Overal, both of them experienced a rise throughout the timeframe. Despite having the beginning at the same point, oil production became the highest in the end.
Taking how much oil was produced into consideration, it is cleared that there was a considerable increase about 1 million from 1982 to 1986. Subsequently, it just rose slightly around 0,5 million in the last 20 years. Moving on to oil consumption, it remained stable approximately a decade. However hard it was at first, it continuously escalated from 6 to 6,3 millions till the end of the timeline.
Although a great deal of oil produced and utilized was similar to each other in 1982, oil production surpassed oil utilization between 1982 and 1993. After that period, oil was consumed more, so it turned the tables whereas the production of oil just sit on its laurels

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the amount of oil which was produced and consumed" -> "the volume of oil produced and consumed"
Explanation: "Volume" is a more precise term in this context, and removing "which was" streamlines the phrase, enhancing clarity and formality.
"Overal" -> "Overall"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error improves professionalism and accuracy in the text.
"both of them experienced a rise throughout the timeframe" -> "both experienced an increase throughout the period"
Explanation: "Both of them" is unnecessary; "both" suffices. "Increase" is a more formal term than "rise," and "period" is a more precise term than "timeframe."
"Despite having the beginning at the same point" -> "Despite starting from the same point"
Explanation: "Starting from" is a more natural and concise expression than "having the beginning at," improving readability.
"it is cleared that there was a considerable increase about 1 million" -> "it is clear that there was a considerable increase of approximately 1 million"
Explanation: "It is cleared" is incorrect; "it is clear" is the appropriate phrase. "About" should be replaced with "of approximately" for greater precision.
"just rose slightly around 0,5 million" -> "increased slightly by approximately 0.5 million"
Explanation: "Increased" is a more formal verb than "rose," and "by" is the correct preposition to indicate the change in quantity. Additionally, using a period instead of a comma for the decimal aligns with standard numerical formatting in academic writing.
"it remained stable approximately a decade" -> "it remained stable for approximately a decade"
Explanation: Adding "for" clarifies the duration of stability, improving grammatical accuracy.
"However hard it was at first" -> "Although it was challenging initially"
Explanation: "Although" is more formal than "however," and "challenging" is a more precise term than "hard," enhancing the academic tone.
"continuously escalated from 6 to 6,3 millions" -> "consistently increased from 6 to 6.3 million"
Explanation: "Consistently" is a more formal alternative to "continuously," and "million" should be singular when referring to a specific quantity.
"a great deal of oil produced and utilized was similar to each other" -> "the volume of oil produced and consumed was comparable"
Explanation: "The volume" is more precise than "a great deal," and "comparable" is a more formal term than "similar," improving clarity and academic tone.
"oil production surpassed oil utilization" -> "oil production exceeded oil consumption"
Explanation: "Exceeded" is a more formal and precise term than "surpassed," and "consumption" is the more appropriate term compared to "utilization" in this context.
"After that period, oil was consumed more, so it turned the tables" -> "After that period, oil consumption increased, resulting in a reversal of trends"
Explanation: "Increased" is more formal than "was consumed more," and "resulting in a reversal of trends" is clearer and more academic than "turned the tables."
"whereas the production of oil just sit on its laurels" -> "while oil production stagnated"
Explanation: "While" is more formal than "whereas," and "stagnated" is a precise term that conveys the idea of lack of growth without the informal connotation of "sit on its laurels."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay provides an overview of the main trends in oil production and consumption in China, but it does not present a clear overview of the data. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the statement that "oil production became the highest in the end."

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the data and by focusing on the key features of the graph. The essay should also avoid irrelevant details and focus on presenting the information in a clear and concise manner. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends in the data. For example, instead of saying that "oil production just rose slightly around 0,5 million in the last 20 years," the essay could say that "oil production increased by approximately 0.5 million barrels per day between 1986 and 2006."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe trends in oil production and consumption, the transitions between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent; some phrases are awkwardly constructed, which detracts from the overall coherence. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, as the ideas within paragraphs do not always connect logically.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph and ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately would also help in linking ideas more effectively. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution would aid in reducing repetition and enhancing the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the information presented in the graph, the use of vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with noticeable errors in word choice and phrasing. For example, phrases like "it just rose slightly around 0.5 million" and "turned the tables whereas the production of oil just sit on its laurels" reflect awkward constructions and inaccuracies. Additionally, there are several spelling and grammatical errors, such as "Overal" instead of "Overall" and "cleared" instead of "clear." These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are appropriate for the context. Improving grammatical accuracy and spelling is essential, as well as varying sentence structures to avoid repetition. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and idiomatic expressions would also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the accuracy of these attempts is inconsistent. There are noticeable grammatical errors, such as "Overal" (should be "Overall"), "about 1 million" (should specify "increase of about 1 million"), and "0,5 million" (should be "0.5 million"). These errors do not severely hinder communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy and expanding the range of sentence structures. This can be done by practicing complex sentence formations and ensuring that punctuation is used correctly. Additionally, proofreading for common errors and enhancing vocabulary could help convey ideas more clearly and effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The amount of oil produced and consumed in China over a period of 24 years, starting from 1982, is presented in this graph. The figures are provided in millions of barrels per day.

Overall, both production and consumption experienced an increase throughout the timeframe. Despite starting at the same point, oil production ultimately became higher than consumption by the end of the period.

Considering oil production, there was a considerable increase of about 1 million barrels per day from 1982 to 1986. Subsequently, it rose slightly by around 0.5 million barrels per day over the last 20 years. In terms of oil consumption, it remained stable for approximately a decade. Although it started at a lower level, consumption continuously escalated from 6 to 6.3 million barrels per day by the end of the timeline.

While the amounts of oil produced and consumed were similar in 1982, oil production surpassed oil consumption between 1982 and 1993. After that period, oil consumption increased more significantly, leading to a reversal in the trend, while oil production remained relatively stagnant.