fbpx

The line graph compares the percentage of people in three countries who used the Internet between 1999 and 2009.

The line graph compares the percentage of people in three countries who used the Internet between 1999 and 2009.

The line graph illustrates the percentage of Internet users in three countries from 1999 to 2009.
As can be seen in the graph, Internet usage rose significantly in all three nations, with Canada achieving the highest user share in 2009. Although both the United States and Mexico also saw increases, they remained behind Canada at the end of the period.
In 1999, roughly 20% of the USA’s population used the Internet, surpassing Canada and Mexico, which had about 10% and 5 %, respectively. By 2005, both the USA and Canada saw tremendous expansion, with almost 70% of their people using the Internet. However, Mexico had much slower progress in expanding access, with only about 25% of users.
In 2009, with almost all of its citizens online, Canada surpassed the USA in terms of Internet usage, with over 80% of the population using the Internet. On the other hand, Mexico's Internet usage rose to over 40%, indicating a persistent lack of connectivity. This pattern highlights how quickly Canada has advanced technologically in comparison to the other two nations, especially Mexico, which has remained slow to achieve broad Internet connectivity.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "illustrates" -> "depicts"
    Explanation: "Depicts" is a more formal term often used in academic writing to describe visual representations, enhancing the essay’s academic tone.

  2. "achieving the highest user share" -> "attaining the highest proportion of users"
    Explanation: "Attaining" is a more precise term than "achieving," and "proportion of users" is clearer and more formal than "user share."

  3. "saw increases" -> "experienced increases"
    Explanation: "Experienced" is a more formal and precise verb that conveys the idea of undergoing a change, aligning better with academic language.

  4. "tremendous expansion" -> "substantial growth"
    Explanation: "Substantial growth" is a more formal and precise phrase that conveys a significant increase without the emotional connotation of "tremendous."

  5. "much slower progress in expanding access" -> "considerably slower progress in expanding access"
    Explanation: "Considerably" is a more formal and precise adverb than "much," enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

  6. "with almost all of its citizens online" -> "with nearly all of its citizens online"
    Explanation: "Nearly" is a more formal alternative to "almost," which is more appropriate for academic writing.

  7. "indicating a persistent lack of connectivity" -> "indicating ongoing challenges in connectivity"
    Explanation: "Ongoing challenges" is a more neutral and formal phrase compared to "persistent lack," which can carry a negative connotation.

  8. "how quickly Canada has advanced technologically" -> "the rapid technological advancement of Canada"
    Explanation: This rephrasing uses a more formal structure and avoids the informal "how quickly," enhancing the academic tone.

  9. "slow to achieve broad Internet connectivity" -> "slow in achieving widespread Internet connectivity"
    Explanation: "Widespread" is a more precise term than "broad," and "slow in achieving" maintains a formal tone while clarifying the context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay covers all the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends. It clearly presents and highlights key features/bullet points, but could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could provide more specific data points to support the general trends described.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific data points to support the general trends described. For example, instead of saying "both the USA and Canada saw tremendous expansion," the essay could say "the USA saw a tremendous expansion, with Internet usage increasing from 20% in 1999 to almost 70% in 2005, while Canada saw a similar increase, from 10% to almost 70%." This would provide more specific evidence to support the claim that both countries saw tremendous expansion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout the response. Each paragraph presents a central topic, focusing on the Internet usage trends in the three countries. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances of slight under- or over-use, such as the transition between the years and the countries. Overall, the essay effectively conveys the information, but some areas could benefit from more varied cohesive devices to enhance the flow.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer could focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph is distinctly focused on a single aspect of the data could improve clarity. More explicit referencing and substitution could also help reduce repetition and enhance coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying information about the data presented in the line graph. The use of terms like "illustrates," "significantly," "tremendous expansion," and "persistent lack of connectivity" shows an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "user share" which could be more clearly expressed as "percentage of users." Additionally, while the vocabulary is adequate, it lacks the sophistication and fluency characteristic of higher band scores.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of synonyms and more complex vocabulary to convey precise meanings. Avoiding repetition and ensuring that all terms used are contextually appropriate would also contribute to a higher score. Furthermore, practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions could help achieve a more natural flow in the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. For example, the phrase "with almost all of its citizens online" is clear, but the sentence structure could be varied further to enhance the overall complexity. While the majority of the sentences are grammatically correct, there are occasional inaccuracies, such as the phrasing "surpassing Canada and Mexico," which could be more precisely articulated.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of grammatical structures, including more complex subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings. Additionally, minimizing minor errors and ensuring that all sentences are error-free will enhance the overall grammatical accuracy. Practicing more complex sentence formations and reviewing common grammatical pitfalls could also contribute to an improved score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the percentage of Internet users in three countries from 1999 to 2009. As can be seen in the graph, Internet usage rose significantly in all three nations, with Canada achieving the highest user share in 2009. Although both the United States and Mexico also experienced increases, they remained behind Canada by the end of the period.

In 1999, approximately 20% of the USA’s population used the Internet, surpassing Canada and Mexico, which had about 10% and 5%, respectively. By 2005, both the USA and Canada saw substantial growth, with nearly 70% of their populations utilizing the Internet. However, Mexico exhibited much slower progress, with only about 25% of users.

By 2009, with almost all of its citizens online, Canada surpassed the USA in terms of Internet usage, with over 80% of the population connected. In contrast, Mexico’s Internet usage rose to over 40%, indicating a persistent lack of connectivity. This pattern highlights how rapidly Canada has advanced technologically compared to the other two nations, particularly Mexico, which has struggled to achieve widespread Internet access.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này