The line graph shows the average price of international phone calls in two different countries from 1990 to 2015.

The line graph illustrates the average cost of making an International phone call over the period of 25 years, starting from 1990.
Overall, it is notable that the price of phone calls in Utopia was higher than in Atlantic throughout the period. There was also a downward trend in prices for both countries.
Looking at the graph more closely, in 1990, Atlantic people had to pay about 1.25 dollars per minute to use this service, while Utopia witnessed a higher cost, at 2.25 dollars. In the next 5 years, the price of international phone calls in Atlantic increased slightly to 1.4 dollars, but the price in Utopia dropped by 0.25 dollars, at 2 dollars per minute.
From 1995, the average price for foreign phone calls in Atlantic decreased significantly, less than one third by 2005, from 1.4 dollars to approximately 0.4 dollars. During the same period, an international phone call from Utopia still cost the same amount of money at 0.2 dollars. Between 2005 and 2015, both countries saw a gradual drop of around 0.5 dollars each, with 1.5 dollars and about 0.1 dollars for Utopia and Atlantic in 2015, respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph illustrates" -> "The line graph depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in academic writing, enhancing the description of the graph’s function.
"making an International phone call" -> "placing an international telephone call"
Explanation: "Placing" is a more precise verb for initiating a phone call, and "telephone call" is the more formal term in academic contexts.
"the period of 25 years" -> "a 25-year period"
Explanation: "A 25-year period" is a more formal and concise way to express the duration of time.
"Atlantic people" -> "individuals in Atlantic"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal and precise term than "people" when referring to a geographic location.
"had to pay about 1.25 dollars" -> "paid approximately $1.25"
Explanation: Using "paid" instead of "had to pay" removes the unnecessary implication of obligation, and "$" is the standard symbol for currency in formal writing.
"witnessed a higher cost" -> "incurred a higher cost"
Explanation: "Incurred" is more specific and appropriate in this context, indicating the financial burden of the cost.
"the price of international phone calls in Atlantic increased slightly" -> "the cost of international calls in Atlantic rose marginally"
Explanation: "Rose marginally" is a more precise and formal way to describe a small increase, and "calls" is a more general term than "phone calls."
"the price in Utopia dropped by 0.25 dollars" -> "the cost in Utopia decreased by $0.25"
Explanation: "Decreased" is a more formal synonym for "dropped," and using "$" with the dollar amount maintains consistency in notation.
"less than one third" -> "nearly one-third"
Explanation: "Nearly one-third" is a more precise and formal way to describe a reduction in cost.
"an international phone call from Utopia still cost the same amount of money at 0.2 dollars" -> "an international call from Utopia continued to cost $0.20"
Explanation: "Continued to cost" is more formal and precise than "still cost," and using "$0.20" maintains consistency in notation.
"both countries saw a gradual drop of around 0.5 dollars each" -> "both countries experienced a gradual decrease of approximately $0.50"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal than "saw," and "approximately $0.50" is more precise and formal than "around 0.5 dollars."
"with 1.5 dollars and about 0.1 dollars" -> "with $1.50 and $0.10"
Explanation: Using "$" with the dollar amounts maintains consistency in notation, and the numbers should be written in numeric form for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the graph. It accurately describes the overall trend of decreasing prices in both countries, and highlights the key feature that Utopia’s prices were consistently higher than Atlantic’s. The essay also presents key features and bullet points, such as the specific prices in 1990, 1995, 2005, and 2015. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more detailed analysis of the changes in prices over time, such as the rate of decrease or the specific years when the most significant changes occurred.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the changes in prices over time. For example, the essay could state that the price of international phone calls in Atlantic decreased significantly from 1995 to 2005, dropping by more than half. The essay could also mention that the price in Utopia remained relatively stable from 1995 to 2005, before decreasing gradually from 2005 to 2015. By providing more detailed analysis, the essay would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the data and achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the conclusion. The main trends and comparisons between the two countries are effectively highlighted. However, there are instances where the cohesion within and between sentences could be improved, as some transitions feel mechanical and may not clearly indicate the relationships between ideas. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it is not always logically structured, which can lead to some confusion in the flow of information.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more fluidly, avoiding repetitive phrases. Improving the logical structure of paragraphs by ensuring each one has a clear central topic and flows logically into the next would also strengthen the overall coherence of the essay. Furthermore, ensuring that referencing is clear and appropriately used will help in maintaining clarity throughout the text.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with attempts to use less common terms such as "illustrates," "notable," and "downward trend." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the price in Utopia dropped by 0.25 dollars, at 2 dollars per minute," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and phrasing that do not impede overall communication but suggest a lack of sophistication in lexical resource.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and varied expressions. Ensuring precise word choice and correct collocations will also help. Practicing synonyms and advanced vocabulary related to trends and comparisons can improve the overall quality of the essay. Moreover, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy will further strengthen the lexical aspect of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While it conveys the main ideas and trends effectively, there are noticeable grammatical errors and some awkward phrasing that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the price in Utopia dropped by 0.25 dollars, at 2 dollars per minute" could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the inconsistent use of commas, which can disrupt the flow of reading. Overall, the communication is generally successful, but the errors do occasionally hinder understanding.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate a greater variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate flexibility.
Error Checking: Review the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, ensuring that sentences are clear and concise.
Punctuation Practice: Pay attention to punctuation rules to improve the overall readability of the text.
Proofreading: Allow time for proofreading to catch minor errors that may occur during the writing process.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the average cost of making an international phone call over a period of 25 years, starting from 1990. Overall, it is notable that the price of phone calls in Utopia was higher than in Atlantic throughout the period. There was also a downward trend in prices for both countries.

Looking at the graph more closely, in 1990, people in Atlantic had to pay about 1.25 dollars per minute to use this service, while Utopia experienced a higher cost of 2.25 dollars. In the next five years, the price of international phone calls in Atlantic increased slightly to 1.4 dollars, whereas the price in Utopia dropped by 0.25 dollars to 2 dollars per minute.

From 1995, the average price for foreign phone calls in Atlantic decreased significantly, falling to less than one-third by 2005, from 1.4 dollars to approximately 0.4 dollars. During the same period, an international phone call from Utopia still cost the same amount of money at 2 dollars. Between 2005 and 2015, both countries saw a gradual drop of around 0.5 dollars each, with prices reaching 1.5 dollars for Utopia and about 0.1 dollars for Atlantic in 2015, respectively.