The line graph shows the information average number of visitors entering a museum in summer and winter in 2003. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the information average number of visitors entering a museum in summer and winter in 2003.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart provides information average number of travellers visiting a museum in specific season in the past. It is easy to see that in the summer time, the quantity of visitors was much higher than in winter.
In summer, the number of tourists spread all of the day, from 8:30 a.m until 17:30 p.m. At the peak time, it also reached 1500 people. Whereas, the highest amount of visitors in winter just around 500-600 induavials at 11:30 a.m. In addition, the number of tourists in summer had a downward trend from 11:30 a.m to 17:00 p.m. Compare with the winter, because of the cold weather, the number of travellers start decreased from 11:30 p.m to 14:15 p.m, then no more people come after that period of time.
In sum, there are many differences between winter and summer, so that lead to another consequences. However, people rather visit the museum in the afternoon than in the morning or evening in both seasons.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"average number of travellers" -> "average number of visitors"
Explanation: "Travellers" is less specific in this context, as it could imply people traveling to the museum from other places. "Visitors" is more precise and contextually appropriate for describing people who come to the museum.
"in the summer time" -> "during the summer"
Explanation: "During the summer" is a more formal and concise way to refer to the season, avoiding the colloquial "in the summer time."
"the quantity of visitors" -> "the number of visitors"
Explanation: "Quantity" is less commonly used to refer to people, and "number" is the more standard term in academic and formal writing.
"spread all of the day" -> "spread throughout the day"
Explanation: "Spread all of the day" is awkward and informal. "Spread throughout the day" is more natural and academically appropriate.
"from 8:30 a.m until 17:30 p.m" -> "from 8:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m."
Explanation: The periods should be written with a space and a period for clarity and consistency in time notation.
"it also reached 1500 people" -> "it also peaked at 1500 people"
Explanation: "Peaked at" is more precise and commonly used in academic writing to describe the highest point in a trend or series of data.
"the highest amount of visitors in winter just around 500-600 induavials" -> "the highest number of visitors in winter, approximately 500-600 individuals"
Explanation: "Induavials" is a typographical error; "individuals" is the correct term. Also, "just around" is informal and vague; "approximately" is more precise and formal.
"Compare with the winter" -> "Compared to winter"
Explanation: "Compare with" is grammatically incorrect; "Compared to" is the correct comparative form.
"because of the cold weather, the number of travellers start decreased" -> "due to the cold weather, the number of visitors decreased"
Explanation: "Start decreased" is grammatically incorrect. "Decreased" should be used as a verb, and "due to" is more formal than "because of."
"no more people come after that period of time" -> "no further visitors arrived after that period"
Explanation: "No more people come" is informal and imprecise. "No further visitors arrived" is more formal and accurate.
"there are many differences between winter and summer, so that lead to another consequences" -> "there are significant differences between winter and summer, which lead to various consequences"
Explanation: "So that lead to another consequences" is grammatically incorrect and vague. "Which lead to various consequences" corrects these issues and enhances clarity and formality.
"people rather visit the museum in the afternoon than in the morning or evening" -> "visitors tend to visit the museum more frequently in the afternoon than in the morning or evening"
Explanation: "Rather visit" is informal and imprecise; "tend to visit" is more appropriate for academic writing. Also, "more frequently" is more specific than "rather."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. It focuses on details, such as the specific times of the day when the number of visitors peaked, rather than on the overall patterns. The essay also includes some irrelevant information, such as the statement that "people rather visit the museum in the afternoon than in the morning or evening in both seasons." This statement is not supported by the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the number of visitors to the museum was significantly higher in summer than in winter, and that the number of visitors in summer peaked in the afternoon, while the number of visitors in winter peaked in the morning. The essay could also be improved by removing irrelevant information and focusing on the key features of the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to compare the number of visitors in summer and winter, the connections between ideas are not always clear, and there is a noticeable lack of cohesive devices. The paragraphing is present but not effectively structured, leading to some confusion in the flow of information. Additionally, there are inaccuracies in language and phrasing that detract from the coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately will help to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and avoiding repetition will strengthen the overall flow. Lastly, revising the language for grammatical accuracy and clarity will contribute to a more coherent essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it conveys the general idea of the data presented in the line graph, there are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the quantity of visitors" and "the highest amount of visitors" are awkward and could be expressed more naturally. Additionally, terms such as "induvials" and "start decreased" contain spelling errors and grammatical inaccuracies. Overall, while the essay communicates the main features of the graph, the lexical resource is restricted and lacks the sophistication required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, particularly by incorporating more precise and varied terms related to the topic. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items can help convey meanings more effectively. Additionally, attention should be paid to spelling and grammatical accuracy, as these errors can detract from the overall clarity of the essay. Reading high-scoring IELTS essays and analyzing their vocabulary usage can also provide valuable insights for improvement.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. While there are some accurate sentences, frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the quantity of visitors was much higher than in winter" and "the number of tourists spread all of the day" contain inaccuracies in word choice and structure. Additionally, the use of "induvials" is a spelling error that detracts from clarity. Overall, the essay’s grammatical issues hinder effective communication of the information presented.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to improve fluency and coherence.
Proofreading: Carefully check for spelling and grammatical errors before submission.
Practice Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to avoid run-on sentences and improve clarity.
Use of Vocabulary: Improve vocabulary choices to enhance the precision of language, such as using "visitors" instead of "travellers" in this context.
Clarity in Comparisons: Ensure that comparisons between summer and winter are clearly articulated to enhance understanding.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line chart provides information on the average number of visitors entering a museum during specific seasons in the past. It is clear that in the summer, the quantity of visitors was significantly higher than in winter.

In summer, the number of tourists was spread throughout the day, from 8:30 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. At peak times, it reached 1,500 people. In contrast, the highest number of visitors in winter was only around 500-600 individuals at 11:30 a.m. Additionally, the number of tourists in summer showed a downward trend from 11:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Compared to winter, due to the cold weather, the number of travelers began to decrease from 11:30 a.m. to 2:15 p.m., with no more visitors arriving after that period.

Overall, there are significant differences between winter and summer, leading to various consequences. However, people tended to visit the museum in the afternoon rather than in the morning or evening during both seasons.