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The line graph shows the number of kilometers traveled per car in five countries between 1990 and 2010.

The line graph shows the number of kilometers traveled per car in five countries between 1990 and 2010.

  The line graph gives information about the number of kilometers which people commuted by car in 5 different countries from 1990 to 2010.

    Overall, the number of kilometers which car users in Germany, Japan and France has an upward trend.In contrast,  A sharp growth was seen in the figure for the United States and Britain. Especially in the period of 20 years, cars were used consistently the largest among 5 different nations.

   Looking at the graph more closely, The number of kilometers of car users in Germany was 1600 kilometers, 2 times more than Japan in 1990.The period between 1990 and 2010 witnessed a minimal decrease to 1400 kilometers in that of car users in Germany. Besides, The number of people using cars in Japan hit the lowest point of 400 kilometers.Furthermore, In the first period , starting from 1990 to 2005, the figure for France remained unchanged ,but  going down slightly in 5 years later.

   On the other hand, Starting at approximately 1700 kilometers , Car users in the United states stood at the highest point. Although it went up and down several times, A dramatical climb to 1800 kilometers in the last 5 years. The data of Car users in Britain was 1300 kilometers , after continuing to vary minimally and it peaked at 1400 kilometers in 2010.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "The line graph gives information about" -> "The line graph presents data on"
    Explanation: "Presents data on" is more precise and formal than "gives information about," aligning better with academic style by emphasizing the presentation of quantitative data.

  2. "the number of kilometers which people commuted by car" -> "the distance traveled by car"
    Explanation: "Distance traveled by car" is a more direct and precise term than "the number of kilometers which people commuted by car," which is awkwardly phrased and verbose.

  3. "In contrast, A sharp growth was seen in the figure for the United States and Britain." -> "In contrast, a significant increase was observed in the figures for the United States and Britain."
    Explanation: "A significant increase was observed" is more formal and precise than "A sharp growth was seen," and "figures" is plural to match the multiple countries mentioned.

  4. "cars were used consistently the largest among 5 different nations" -> "the use of cars remained the highest among the five nations"
    Explanation: "The use of cars remained the highest" is clearer and more formal than "cars were used consistently the largest," which is grammatically incorrect and awkward.

  5. "Looking at the graph more closely, The number of kilometers of car users in Germany was 1600 kilometers, 2 times more than Japan in 1990." -> "Upon closer examination, the 1600 kilometers of car usage in Germany in 1990 was twice that of Japan."
    Explanation: "Upon closer examination" is more formal than "Looking at the graph more closely," and the rephrased sentence avoids the awkward construction of the original.

  6. "The period between 1990 and 2010 witnessed a minimal decrease to 1400 kilometers in that of car users in Germany." -> "Between 1990 and 2010, there was a minimal decrease to 1400 kilometers in German car usage."
    Explanation: "Between 1990 and 2010, there was a minimal decrease" is more concise and formal than the original, and "German car usage" is more specific than "that of car users in Germany."

  7. "The number of people using cars in Japan hit the lowest point of 400 kilometers." -> "The lowest point of 400 kilometers was reached by Japanese car usage."
    Explanation: "The lowest point of 400 kilometers was reached by Japanese car usage" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "hit the lowest point."

  8. "In the first period, starting from 1990 to 2005, the figure for France remained unchanged,but  going down slightly in 5 years later." -> "During the initial period (1990-2005), the French figure remained unchanged, but decreased slightly over the subsequent five years."
    Explanation: "During the initial period (1990-2005)" is more precise and formal than "In the first period," and "decreased slightly over the subsequent five years" is clearer and more formal than "going down slightly in 5 years later."

  9. "Car users in the United states stood at the highest point." -> "Car usage in the United States peaked at the highest point."
    Explanation: "Car usage in the United States peaked at the highest point" is more formal and precise than "Car users in the United states stood at the highest point," which is grammatically awkward.

  10. "A dramatical climb to 1800 kilometers in the last 5 years." -> "A significant increase to 1800 kilometers over the last five years."
    Explanation: "A significant increase over the last five years" is more formal and precise than "A dramatical climb to 1800 kilometers in the last 5 years," which uses an informal adjective and incorrect capitalization.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the information presented in the line graph. However, the essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay also presents key features/bullet points but does not adequately cover them. For example, the essay states that "The number of kilometers of car users in Germany was 1600 kilometers, 2 times more than Japan in 1990," but it does not provide any further details about the trend in Germany or Japan.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay could also be improved by providing more details about the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could state that "The number of kilometers of car users in Germany was 1600 kilometers in 1990, which was 2 times more than Japan. However, the number of kilometers traveled in Germany decreased slightly to 1400 kilometers in 2010, while the number of kilometers traveled in Japan remained relatively stable." This would provide a clearer overview of the trends in Germany and Japan.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe trends in the data, the structure is somewhat disjointed, leading to confusion in the flow of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the clarity of the information presented. There are instances of repetition and unclear referencing, particularly in the transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be more effectively separated.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the data being discussed. Improving the logical flow of ideas by using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensuring they are used appropriately will also help. Additionally, the writer should work on maintaining a consistent structure throughout the essay, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical. Finally, reducing redundancy and improving referencing will contribute to a more cohesive overall response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "commuted by car" instead of "driven" or "traveled by car," and "dramatic climb" which could be more precisely expressed. There are also errors in spelling and word formation, such as "A dramatical climb" instead of "A dramatic climb." These errors do not completely impede communication, but they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. Practicing the use of synonyms and more sophisticated phrases can help. Additionally, careful proofreading to catch spelling and grammatical errors will improve clarity. Engaging with more complex texts can also aid in developing a better understanding of appropriate collocations and nuanced word choices.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors and punctuation issues are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "the number of kilometers which car users in Germany, Japan and France has an upward trend") and sentence fragments or run-ons (e.g., "A sharp growth was seen in the figure for the United States and Britain. Especially in the period of 20 years…"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

How to improve:

  1. Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentences and subordinate clauses to enhance grammatical range.
  2. Focus on Subject-Verb Agreement: Ensure that subjects and verbs agree in number and tense to avoid basic grammatical errors.
  3. Punctuation Practice: Review punctuation rules to reduce errors, particularly with commas and periods, which can help clarify sentence structure.
  4. Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay for any slips or errors that could be corrected before submission, improving overall accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph provides information about the number of kilometers that people commuted by car in five different countries from 1990 to 2010.

Overall, the number of kilometers traveled by car users in Germany, Japan, and France shows an upward trend. In contrast, a sharp increase was observed in the figures for the United States and Britain. Notably, throughout the 20-year period, cars were consistently used the most among the five nations.

Looking at the graph more closely, the number of kilometers traveled by car users in Germany was 1,600 kilometers, which was two times more than that in Japan in 1990. Between 1990 and 2010, there was a minimal decrease to 1,400 kilometers for car users in Germany. Additionally, the number of kilometers traveled by car users in Japan reached the lowest point of 400 kilometers. Furthermore, during the first period, from 1990 to 2005, the figure for France remained unchanged, but it declined slightly five years later.

On the other hand, starting at approximately 1,700 kilometers, car users in the United States were at the highest point. Although the figure fluctuated several times, there was a dramatic increase to 1,800 kilometers in the last five years. The data for car users in Britain was 1,300 kilometers, which continued to vary minimally before peaking at 1,400 kilometers in 2010.

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