The line graph shows the percentage of New Zealand population from 1950 to 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph shows the percentage of New Zealand population from 1950 to 2050.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates the proportion of people in New Zealand in different age groups over the period of 100 years starting from 1950.
Overall, the population at the age of 38-45 and under 14 witnessed an upward trend while the rate of people aged from 25-37 and over 65 decreased. It is clear that the proportion of people over 65 was highest of all groups.
People under 14 remained stable at 5 % until 1990, then increased slightly to 10 % in the following ten years before doubling for the rest of the period. There was a considerable growth from 25% to 50% in the rate of population from 38-45 in the first forty years, followed by a slight decrease by 10% over the past ten years. From the year 2000 onward, they levelled off.
In contrast, people in the age group of 25-37 dropped sharply from 20% to under 10% between 1950 and 1990, before remaining stable at this figure until 2000. During the last half of the period, this group hit the lowest point of 2%. The last group, aged over 65 rose gradually, reaching the peak at 70% in 1990 before falling for the rest of the period.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the proportion of people in New Zealand in different age groups" -> "the demographic distribution of individuals in New Zealand across various age groups"
Explanation: "Demographic distribution" is a more precise term that conveys the concept of population segments, while "individuals" is a more formal alternative to "people." "Across" is also more academically appropriate than "in." -
"witnessed an upward trend" -> "exhibited an upward trend"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal and precise term than "witnessed," which can imply passive observation rather than active change. -
"the rate of people aged from 25-37 and over 65 decreased" -> "the proportion of individuals aged 25-37 and over 65 declined"
Explanation: "Proportion" is a more accurate term in this context than "rate," and "declined" is a more formal alternative to "decreased." -
"was highest of all groups" -> "was the highest among all groups"
Explanation: "Among" is the correct preposition to use when comparing groups, making the phrase more precise and formal. -
"remained stable at 5 %" -> "remained constant at 5%"
Explanation: "Constant" is a more academically appropriate term than "stable," which can imply variability rather than consistency. -
"then increased slightly to 10 % in the following ten years" -> "subsequently increased modestly to 10% over the subsequent decade"
Explanation: "Subsequently" and "modestly" are more formal alternatives, and "over the subsequent decade" is clearer and more precise than "in the following ten years." -
"doubling for the rest of the period" -> "doubling throughout the remainder of the period"
Explanation: "Throughout the remainder" is more formal and precise than "for the rest," enhancing the academic tone. -
"considerable growth from 25% to 50% in the rate of population from 38-45" -> "significant growth from 25% to 50% in the population of individuals aged 38-45"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more formal term than "considerable," and the phrase is restructured for clarity and precision. -
"followed by a slight decrease by 10% over the past ten years" -> "followed by a modest decline of 10% over the last decade"
Explanation: "Modest decline" is more formal than "slight decrease," and "last decade" is more concise than "past ten years." -
"they levelled off" -> "the population levels stabilized"
Explanation: "Stabilized" is a more formal and precise term than "levelled off," enhancing the academic tone. -
"dropped sharply from 20% to under 10%" -> "declined sharply from 20% to below 10%"
Explanation: "Declined" is a more formal term than "dropped," and "below" is more precise than "under." -
"before remaining stable at this figure until 2000" -> "before stabilizing at this figure until 2000"
Explanation: "Stabilizing" is a more formal and active construction than "remaining stable." -
"hit the lowest point of 2%" -> "reached a nadir of 2%"
Explanation: "Reached a nadir" is a more formal and precise expression than "hit the lowest point." -
"aged over 65 rose gradually" -> "individuals aged over 65 increased gradually"
Explanation: "Increased" is a more formal term than "rose," and the phrase is restructured for clarity. -
"reaching the peak at 70% in 1990" -> "reaching a peak of 70% in 1990"
Explanation: "A peak of" is more precise than "the peak at," improving clarity. -
"before falling for the rest of the period" -> "before declining for the remainder of the period"
Explanation: "Declining" is more formal than "falling," and "the remainder of the period" is more precise than "the rest of the period."
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6
Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the line graph, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not adequately highlight the key features of the graph, and it does not make comparisons where relevant. For example, the essay states that the proportion of people over 65 was highest of all groups, but it does not compare this to the other age groups.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the main trends in the graph, highlighting the key features of the graph, and making comparisons where relevant. For example, the essay could compare the rate of growth of the different age groups, or it could discuss the reasons for the changes in the population structure of New Zealand.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression. The main trends are reported, and comparisons are made between different age groups. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and there are instances where referencing could be clearer. For example, the phrase "the last group" could be more explicitly linked to the age group mentioned earlier. While paragraphing is present, it is not always logically structured, which affects the overall clarity of the essay.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the clarity of referencing and ensuring that cohesive devices are used more naturally. Additionally, improving the logical flow of paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic would strengthen the coherence of the essay. More varied and sophisticated linking phrases could also enhance the overall cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. It attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "illustrates," "proportion," and "upward trend," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "the highest of all groups" which could be more precisely stated. There are also minor errors in word choice and some lack of fluency in expression. While the spelling and word formation are generally correct, there are a few awkward constructions that may hinder clarity.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items, while ensuring accurate usage. Improving fluency and precision in phrasing will also contribute positively. Additionally, reducing repetitive language and refining awkward expressions will help in achieving a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The grammatical control is generally good, but there are a few errors and awkward phrasings that detract from overall clarity. For example, phrases like "the highest of all groups" could be more clearly articulated. The use of punctuation is mostly accurate, but minor errors are present, such as inconsistent spacing around percentages. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 7 due to its effective use of complex structures and good grammatical control, despite some errors.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by reducing errors and improving clarity in sentence construction. This can be done by proofreading for awkward phrasing and ensuring that all sentences are clear and concise. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and varying sentence structures further could elevate the overall quality of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
The line graph illustrates the proportion of people in New Zealand across different age groups over a 100-year period, starting from 1950. Overall, the population aged 38-45 and those under 14 experienced an upward trend, while the percentage of individuals aged 25-37 and over 65 decreased. Notably, the proportion of people over 65 was the highest among all groups.
The percentage of individuals under 14 remained stable at 5% until 1990, then increased slightly to 10% in the following decade before doubling for the remainder of the period. There was significant growth in the population aged 38-45, rising from 25% to 50% in the first forty years, followed by a slight decline of 10% over the last ten years. From the year 2000 onward, this group levelled off.
In contrast, the age group of 25-37 experienced a sharp decline from 20% to under 10% between 1950 and 1990, before remaining stable at this figure until 2000. During the latter half of the period, this group reached its lowest point at 2%. The final group, individuals aged over 65, rose gradually, peaking at 70% in 1990 before declining for the rest of the period.
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