The map below shows the changes in an American town between 1954 and 2014

The provided map delineates the evolution of a town in America from 1954 to 2014.

Overall, significant commercial development occurred in areas situated to the north-west of the canal, while the residential zones in the south-east remained largely unchanged. Additionally, several public amenities were established.

In the town's central region, situated to the north-west of the canal, the former industrial facilities were replaced by a new airport, accompanied by the introduction of various commercial structures. Furthermore, the lake area was cleared to accommodate a local supermarket, while the petrol station remained unchanged. In the central part of the town, to the south-west of the canal, all previous edifices were razed, making way for the erection of commercial buildings.

It is notable that the residential districts to the north-east of the canal experienced no discernible alterations. The most recent modification observed was the construction of a sports stadium to the south-east of the canal, necessitating the demolition of a former church.

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Errors and Improvements:

"delineates" -> "illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more commonly used and straightforward term to describe the depiction of something on a map.
"commercial development occurred" -> "commercial expansion ensued"
Explanation: "Ensu" provides a more dynamic and varied alternative to "occurred," adding sophistication to the description of the town’s growth.
"edifices" -> "structures"
Explanation: While "edifices" is not incorrect, "structures" is a simpler and more widely understood term, enhancing clarity without sacrificing meaning.
"razed" -> "demolished"
Explanation: "Demolished" is a more commonly used term that maintains clarity and simplicity in describing the destruction of buildings.
"discernible alterations" -> "visible changes"
Explanation: "Visible changes" is a clearer and more direct phrase, conveying the idea of noticeable differences without unnecessary complexity.
"modification observed" -> "change noted"
Explanation: "Change noted" is a more concise and direct way to express the idea of observing modifications in the residential districts.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main changes that occurred in the town between 1954 and 2014. It presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages, highlighting key features such as commercial development and the establishment of public amenities. The response demonstrates a good understanding of the map and effectively communicates the changes observed.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could further extend the discussion of key features, providing more detailed descriptions where necessary. Additionally, ensuring accuracy and precision in describing the changes would enhance the clarity and completeness of the response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates clear logical organization and progression of ideas. It effectively describes the changes in the town from 1954 to 2014, with a focus on commercial development in the north-west and minimal changes in residential areas. The essay uses cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas, providing a smooth flow of information. Each paragraph centers on a clear topic related to the changes observed in different parts of the town, enhancing coherence.

How to improve: To further improve coherence and cohesion, the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices. Additionally, ensuring consistency in referencing and maintaining a consistent tone throughout the essay would enhance cohesion. Consider incorporating transitions between paragraphs to strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the changes in the town from 1954 to 2014. There is a good use of vocabulary to describe different aspects of the map, such as "commercial development," "residential zones," "industrial facilities," "public amenities," "sports stadium," etc. Additionally, some less common lexical items are used appropriately, like "edifices," "razed," "accommodate," etc. The writer shows awareness of style and collocation by using phrases like "delineates the evolution," "significant commercial development," "former industrial facilities," etc. Although there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "erected" instead of "construction of," and "razed" instead of "demolished," they do not significantly detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, strive for more precise and varied vocabulary usage. Proofreading for minor errors in word choice and collocation can help improve accuracy. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of academic or domain-specific vocabulary relevant to urban development and city planning could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable use of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and passive voice constructions, enhancing the overall sophistication of the writing. The essay effectively utilizes a variety of sentence forms, contributing to coherence and cohesion. There is evident control over grammar and punctuation, with the majority of sentences being error-free. However, there are a few minor errors scattered throughout the essay, which do not significantly impede communication but prevent it from achieving a higher band score.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical accuracy and range further, focus on meticulous proofreading to identify and rectify the minor errors present. Additionally, strive for even greater diversity in sentence structures to elevate the overall complexity and sophistication of the essay, ensuring consistency in maintaining error-free sentences.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided map illustrates the transformation of an American town spanning the years from 1954 to 2014.

Overall, significant commercial development took place in areas located to the north-west of the canal, while the residential zones in the south-east remained largely unaltered. Additionally, several public amenities were established.

In the central region of the town, situated to the north-west of the canal, the former industrial facilities were replaced by a new airport, accompanied by the introduction of various commercial structures. Furthermore, the lake area was cleared to accommodate a local supermarket, while the petrol station remained unchanged. In the central part of the town, to the south-west of the canal, all previous edifices were demolished, making way for the construction of commercial buildings.

It is worth noting that the residential districts to the north-east of the canal underwent no discernible alterations. The most recent modification observed was the construction of a sports stadium to the south-east of the canal, necessitating the demolition of a former church.