The map below shows the development of the village of Ryemouth between 1995 and present

The provided pictures illustrate the modifications that took place in a town named Ryemouth over a 29 years, commencing from 1995.
Overall, it is evident that the town witnessed a multitude of changes, the most significant of which were the destruction of a farmland and forest park to pave the way for golf and tennis courts catering entertainment purposes.
As depicted in the map, there have been more houses built in the northwest region of the village, while the establishment of a new road has facilitated mobile demands of villagers. Moreover, in the northeast area the farmland and forest park was transformed into golf and tennis courts, coupled with a construction of a new car park next to the hotel located to the west of the town to facilitate for visitors to travel and park their vehicles.
Shifting the focus on the remaining alterations, the chain of shops turned into restaurants in the middle of the map, but there was no change to the cafe situated in front of the T-junction. Further to this, the fish market was removed to construct new apartments to accommodate citizens in the Ryemouth village, assuming the form of fishing port on the bank of the sea, bringing financial support for fisheries in the village.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the modifications that took place in a town named Ryemouth" -> "the modifications that occurred in the town of Ryemouth"
Explanation: "Occurred" is a more formal term than "took place," and "the town of" is a more precise phrasing than "a town named."
"over a 29 years" -> "over a period of 29 years"
Explanation: "Over a period of" is grammatically correct and more formal than "over a 29 years," which is awkward and incorrect.
"the destruction of a farmland and forest park" -> "the conversion of farmland and a forest park"
Explanation: "Conversion" is more accurate as it implies a change in use rather than outright destruction, and "a farmland" should be "farmland" as it is an uncountable noun.
"to pave the way for golf and tennis courts catering entertainment purposes" -> "to accommodate golf and tennis courts for recreational purposes"
Explanation: "Accommodate" is a more precise term, and "for recreational purposes" is clearer and more formal than "catering entertainment purposes."
"the establishment of a new road has facilitated mobile demands of villagers" -> "the establishment of a new road has facilitated the mobility needs of residents"
Explanation: "Mobility needs" is more precise than "mobile demands," and "residents" is a more formal term than "villagers."
"the farmland and forest park was transformed into golf and tennis courts, coupled with a construction of a new car park" -> "the farmland and forest park were transformed into golf and tennis courts, along with the construction of a new car park"
Explanation: "Were" is necessary for subject-verb agreement, and "along with" is more formal than "coupled with."
"to facilitate for visitors to travel and park their vehicles" -> "to facilitate visitor travel and parking"
Explanation: "Facilitate visitor travel and parking" is more concise and avoids unnecessary prepositions.
"the chain of shops turned into restaurants in the middle of the map" -> "the chain of shops was converted into restaurants in the central area of the map"
Explanation: "Was converted" is more formal than "turned into," and "central area" is more precise than "middle."
"Further to this, the fish market was removed to construct new apartments to accommodate citizens in the Ryemouth village" -> "Additionally, the fish market was removed to construct new apartments to accommodate residents of Ryemouth"
Explanation: "Additionally" is a more formal transition than "Further to this," and "residents of Ryemouth" is clearer and more concise than "citizens in the Ryemouth village."
"assuming the form of fishing port on the bank of the sea" -> "assuming the role of a fishing port on the shore"
Explanation: "Role" is a more appropriate term than "form," and "shore" is a more precise term than "bank of the sea."
"bringing financial support for fisheries in the village" -> "providing economic support for the fisheries in the village"
Explanation: "Providing economic support" is more formal and precise than "bringing financial support."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes in the village of Ryemouth between 1995 and the present. It identifies the key features of the changes, such as the development of new housing, the conversion of farmland and forest park into golf and tennis courts, and the construction of a new car park. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the fish market was removed to construct new apartments, but the map shows that the fish market was replaced with a fishing port.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the changes in the village. For example, the essay could mention the number of new houses that were built, the size of the golf and tennis courts, and the location of the new car park. The essay could also be improved by avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate details. For example, the essay should not mention that the fish market was removed to construct new apartments, as this is not supported by the map.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the details of the changes in Ryemouth. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but there are instances where cohesion may feel mechanical or faulty, particularly in the transitions between sentences and ideas. For example, phrases like "Shifting the focus on the remaining alterations" could be more smoothly integrated. While paragraphing is attempted, it is not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas and ensuring that cohesive devices are used more naturally. This can be achieved by varying the types of cohesive devices used and ensuring that each paragraph presents a distinct central topic. Additionally, refining the transitions between sentences and paragraphs will help create a smoother reading experience.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, such as "modifications," "establishment," and "accommodate." However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary, like "facilitated" and "transform," but these are accompanied by inaccuracies and awkward phrasing, such as "to pave the way for golf and tennis courts catering entertainment purposes." There are also some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "facilitate for visitors" (should be "facilitate visitors") and "assuming the form of fishing port" (should be "assuming the form of a fishing port"). While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and sophistication of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring correct word forms. Additionally, incorporating more uncommon lexical items while maintaining appropriate collocations would elevate the essay’s quality. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. There are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, such as "a town named Ryemouth over a 29 years" (should be "over 29 years") and "to facilitate for visitors" (should be "to facilitate visitors"). While these errors do not significantly impede communication, they are noticeable and could lead to some confusion. The overall control of grammar and punctuation is adequate, but the presence of errors indicates that there is room for improvement.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of complex sentence structures and reducing grammatical errors. This can be accomplished by proofreading the essay for common mistakes and ensuring that punctuation is used correctly. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and ensuring that all sentences are error-free would enhance the overall grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pictures illustrate the modifications that took place in a town named Ryemouth over a period of 29 years, commencing from 1995. Overall, it is evident that the town witnessed a multitude of changes, the most significant of which were the removal of farmland and a forest park to make way for golf and tennis courts for recreational purposes.

As depicted in the map, there have been additional houses built in the northwest region of the village, while the establishment of a new road has facilitated the mobility needs of villagers. Moreover, in the northeast area, the farmland and forest park were transformed into golf and tennis courts, accompanied by the construction of a new car park next to the hotel located to the west of the town, allowing visitors to travel and park their vehicles conveniently.

Focusing on the remaining alterations, the chain of shops in the middle of the map was converted into restaurants, but there was no change to the café situated in front of the T-junction. Furthermore, the fish market was removed to construct new apartments to accommodate residents of Ryemouth village, taking the place of the fishing port on the bank of the sea, which continues to provide financial support for fisheries in the village.