The maps below show a science park in 2008 and the same park today.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The images depict how science parks have transformed since 2008.
Overall, it is notable that the places have seen great modernization throughout the period in question.
In the northern site, if we look at the maps, we can see that woodland has remained, although in the western wings of the site, grassland has disappeared to pave the way for a research and development centre. Moreover, in the eastern wing of Woodland, the offices have been unchanged, but the reception has been pulled down to make way for a university hub. To the east of offices and reception, the road has been converted into a cycle path. In addition to the southern wing of grassland, the business units have remained unchanged.
Moving further south, it is evident that the woodland has remained; however, in the eastern region of the woodland, the IT centre has been replaced by a new innovation centre. Furthermore, the car park has been resized and become smaller, while cybersecurity has widened and occupied the grassland area. On the railway, a new station has been erected to serve people and goods’s movements. In particular, each region has been connected by a path to make it easier to move.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
- “depict” -> “illustrate”
Explanation: Replacing “depict” with “illustrate” adds a more precise and formal tone to the sentence, aligning with the context of discussing changes in science parks.
- “it is notable that” -> “it is noteworthy that”
Explanation: Substituting “it is notable that” with “it is noteworthy that” elevates the formality of the statement, offering a more sophisticated expression of significance.
- “if we look at” -> “upon examining”
Explanation: Replacing “if we look at” with “upon examining” enhances the academic tone of the sentence, providing a more scholarly approach to the analysis of maps.
- “pave the way for” -> “facilitate the establishment of”
Explanation: Replacing “pave the way for” with “facilitate the establishment of” introduces a more nuanced and sophisticated phrase, conveying the idea of making room for a research and development centre more elegantly.
- “unchanged” -> “unchanged in structure”
Explanation: Adding “in structure” after “unchanged” provides a more detailed description, specifying that the offices have remained unchanged in their structural form.
- “pulled down” -> “demolished”
Explanation: Substituting “pulled down” with “demolished” offers a more formal and precise term to describe the removal of the reception to make way for a university hub.
- “grassland, the business units” -> “grassland; however, the business units”
Explanation: Adding a semicolon after “grassland” and changing “have remained unchanged” to “however, the business units have remained unchanged” improves the sentence’s structure and flow.
- “Moving further south” -> “Progressing southward”
Explanation: Replacing “Moving further south” with “Progressing southward” introduces a more refined and dynamic expression, contributing to a more polished narrative.
- “it is evident that” -> “it is evident from the observations that”
Explanation: Expanding “it is evident that” to “it is evident from the observations that” provides a clearer link between the speaker’s statements and the visual evidence being discussed.
- “become smaller” -> “been reduced in size”
Explanation: Substituting “become smaller” with “been reduced in size” offers a more precise and formal description of the changes in the car park.
- “occupied the grassland area” -> “expanded into the grassland area”
Explanation: Changing “occupied the grassland area” to “expanded into the grassland area” conveys the idea of growth and utilization more effectively, enhancing the clarity of the sentence.
- “erected to serve people and goods’s movements” -> “constructed to facilitate the movement of people and goods”
Explanation: Replacing “erected to serve people and goods’s movements” with “constructed to facilitate the movement of people and goods” provides a more formal and concise expression of the purpose of the new station.
- “each region has been connected by a path” -> “a path now links each region”
Explanation: Restructuring “each region has been connected by a path” to “a path now links each region” enhances the sentence’s flow and clarity, presenting the information in a more organized manner.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task, providing a clear overview of the main changes in the science park from 2008 to the present. The key features and transformations are presented, highlighting the changes in land use and infrastructure. The essay effectively compares the two maps and reports on the main features.
How to improve:
To enhance the essay and move to a higher band score, consider providing more specific details and elaborating on the significance of the changes. Additionally, ensure that the information is logically organized and presented in a more cohesive manner. This can be achieved by using more complex sentence structures and transitions between ideas. Aim for a more thorough extension of key features, ensuring that the details provided are relevant, accurate, and appropriately detailed.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with clear progression throughout. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the science park, presenting a coherent overview of the changes. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as “if we look at the maps,” “moving further south,” and “in particular.” There is a variety of cohesive devices, contributing to overall coherence. Additionally, paragraphing is generally logical, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the science park transformation.
How to improve: While the essay is well-organized, there are areas for improvement. The writer could enhance cohesion by using a wider range of cohesive devices to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensuring a more balanced distribution of information across paragraphs and avoiding minor inaccuracies, such as “the places have seen great modernization” (consider specifying which places), would contribute to a more polished response. Overall, a more nuanced and precise use of language could elevate the essay to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with an attempt at using less common lexical items. The writer effectively conveys the changes in the science park over time, describing modifications in various areas such as woodland, grassland, and specific buildings. The use of phrases like “research and development centre,” “university hub,” and “innovation centre” shows a variety of vocabulary related to the topic. While there are some minor errors and awkward phrasings, they do not significantly impede communication.
How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer could strive for more precision in word choice and improve the fluency of expression. Additionally, paying closer attention to collocations and refining the use of less common lexical items would further elevate the vocabulary range. It’s essential to proofread the essay to eliminate minor errors and ensure the language flows smoothly. This will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures and accuracy, falling within the Band 7 descriptor. The writer employs a variety of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and descriptive phrases, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. Most sentences are error-free, and the writer exhibits good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrasings, such as “places have seen great modernization” which could be improved for better clarity.
How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer could focus on refining certain sentences for smoother expression. For example, instead of “places have seen great modernization,” a more precise and concise phrasing like “the science parks have undergone significant modernization” would be preferable. Additionally, attention to word choice and clarity in expression can further elevate the overall quality of the essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided maps illustrate the transformation of a science park from 2008 to the present day. Overall, the evolution of these areas is apparent, showcasing significant modernization over the specified period.
In the northern section, while woodland has endured, the western portion has witnessed the disappearance of grassland to accommodate a research and development center. Simultaneously, the eastern part of the woodland, where offices persist, has seen the removal of the reception to make space for a university hub. Additionally, the road adjacent to the offices and reception has been repurposed into a cycling path. In contrast, the business units in the southern grassland remain unaltered.
Moving southward, the woodland in this region remains, yet the eastern part has undergone changes with the replacement of the IT center by an innovation hub. Moreover, the car park has been resized, shrinking in size, while the cybersecurity sector has expanded to encompass the former grassland. A new station has been erected on the railway, serving the transportation needs of both people and goods. Notably, a connecting path now links each region, facilitating ease of movement.