The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The maps below show an industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given pictures illustrate Norbiton industrial area in present days and the proposal for modifications of this site
Overall, while the town will remain absolutely unchanged, the mainland is likely to undergo substantial changes. Key transformations include the removal of factories to set up accomodations, the addition of local facilities and the expansion of road systems; all enhancing the site's convenience and accessiblity.
The upper section is going to change significantly. In present times, standing in the northern part is a river which totally seperates the farm land with the mainland. However there will be a newly-built bridge across the river which connects with the roundabouts in the centre, making it more straightforward for residents in the farmland to get access to the mainland.
Looking at the central and bottom area, in place of the places factories once stand, there will be new housings, running alongside the roads. Additionally, the site is expected to expand more road branches stemmed from the central roundabout to create an intersection which offers the dwellers direct access to local amenities located near houses. The southern part also witnesses the improvements to road system. It is forecasted to be rebuilt with a smaller roundabout in the middle linking directly with the main one

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given pictures illustrate" -> "The provided images depict"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is a bit vague and less formal than "depict," which is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts to describe visual representations.
"in present days" -> "in the present day"
Explanation: "In present days" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "In the present day" is the correct phrase and maintains a formal tone.
"the mainland is likely to undergo substantial changes" -> "the mainland is expected to undergo significant transformations"
Explanation: "Substantial changes" is somewhat vague and less formal. "Significant transformations" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"to set up accomodations" -> "to establish accommodations"
Explanation: "Accommodations" should be spelled as one word, and "set up" is informal; "establish" is more formal and precise.
"accessiblity" -> "accessibility"
Explanation: This is a spelling correction for the word "accessibility."
"standing in the northern part is a river" -> "in the northern part is a river"
Explanation: "Standing in the northern part" is awkward and unclear. "In the northern part" is more direct and clear.
"totally seperates" -> "completely separates"
Explanation: "Totally" is informal and less precise than "completely," which is more suitable for formal writing.
"a newly-built bridge" -> "a newly constructed bridge"
Explanation: "Built" is less formal than "constructed," which is preferred in academic contexts.
"making it more straightforward for residents" -> "facilitating easier access for residents"
Explanation: "Making it more straightforward" is informal and vague. "Facilitating easier access" is more precise and formal.
"the places factories once stand" -> "the sites where factories once stood"
Explanation: "The places factories once stand" is awkward and incorrect. "The sites where factories once stood" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"new housings" -> "new residential developments"
Explanation: "Housings" is an uncommon term and sounds informal. "Residential developments" is more specific and appropriate for formal writing.
"running alongside the roads" -> "aligned with the roads"
Explanation: "Running alongside" is informal and imprecise. "Aligned with" is more formal and precise.
"road branches stemmed from" -> "new roadways branching off"
Explanation: "Road branches stemmed from" is awkward and unclear. "New roadways branching off" is clearer and more formal.
"offers the dwellers" -> "provides residents"
Explanation: "Dwellers" is less common and slightly informal for this context. "Residents" is the standard term in formal writing.
"direct access to local amenities" -> "direct access to local facilities"
Explanation: "Amenities" can be vague; "facilities" is a more precise term in formal writing, especially in the context of urban planning and development.

These changes enhance the formality and precision of the text, aligning it more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the maps, but it does not fully address all the requirements of the task. The essay does not make comparisons between the two maps, which is a key requirement of the task. The essay also presents some details that are irrelevant or inaccurate, such as the statement that the town will remain absolutely unchanged.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by making more comparisons between the two maps. For example, the essay could compare the number of factories in the present day with the number of houses in the future development. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate information about the changes that are taking place. For example, the essay could state that the factories are being replaced by houses, rather than simply saying that the factories are being removed.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information coherently and shows a clear overall progression of ideas. The main features of the maps are summarized, and there is a logical arrangement of information regarding the changes planned for the industrial area. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, with instances of awkward phrasing and repetition. While paragraphing is present, it could be improved for better clarity and logical flow. There are also some grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that detract from the overall coherence.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Avoid repetitive phrases and ensure that transitions are smooth and natural.
Refine Paragraphing: Organize the essay into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct aspect of the maps. This will help in presenting a clearer central topic within each paragraph.
Grammar and Spelling: Proofread the essay to correct grammatical errors and spelling mistakes (e.g., "accommodations," "accessibility," "separates"). This will improve clarity and professionalism.
Variety in Sentence Structure: Incorporate a variety of sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. This can also help in demonstrating a higher level of language proficiency.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for basic communication of ideas. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "accommodations," "enhancing," and "intersections," but there are inaccuracies in word choice and spelling, such as "accomodations" (should be "accommodations") and "accessiblity" (should be "accessibility"). These errors do not impede overall communication but do detract from the lexical sophistication expected at higher band levels. The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the task, but the occasional errors and limited flexibility in expression prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Vocabulary: Incorporate a wider range of synonyms and less common lexical items to convey ideas more precisely and flexibly.
Accuracy in Word Choice: Pay close attention to word choice and ensure that terms are used correctly in context. This includes avoiding common spelling errors.
Variety in Expression: Use varied sentence structures and expressions to demonstrate a higher level of lexical control and sophistication.
Proofreading: Always proofread the essay to catch and correct any spelling or grammatical errors before submission.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective uses of complex structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "in present times" and "the mainland is likely to undergo substantial changes" are somewhat awkwardly constructed. Additionally, there are issues with spelling, such as "accomodations" and "accessiblity," which detract from the overall accuracy. However, the meaning is generally clear, and the errors do not significantly impede communication.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Proofreading: Carefully check for spelling errors and grammatical mistakes.
Variety in Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more subordinate clauses, to demonstrate flexibility.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to ensure clarity and correctness in sentence construction.
Complex Sentences: Practice constructing complex sentences accurately to reduce errors and improve overall grammatical control.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given pictures illustrate the Norbiton industrial area in present times and the proposed modifications for this site.

Overall, while the town will remain completely unchanged, the mainland is likely to undergo substantial changes. Key transformations include the removal of factories to establish accommodations, the addition of local facilities, and the expansion of road systems, all enhancing the site’s convenience and accessibility.

The upper section is set to change significantly. Currently, a river in the northern part completely separates the farmland from the mainland. However, a newly-built bridge across the river will connect to the roundabouts in the center, making it more straightforward for residents in the farmland to access the mainland.

In the central and bottom areas, new housing will replace the factories that once stood there, running alongside the roads. Additionally, the site is expected to expand with more road branches stemming from the central roundabout to create an intersection that offers residents direct access to local amenities located near their homes. The southern part will also see improvements to the road system, which is forecasted to be rebuilt with a smaller roundabout in the middle linking directly to the main one.