The maps below show and industrial area in the town of Norbiton, and planned future development of the site

the two maps describle changes of industrial area in the town of Norbiton
between the present and the furture
Overall,the map show amost all changes .Notaly factory in the planer future will
disapear perfect and solely the roundabout stay unchanged
Now in Norbiton have roundabout big is built in the center city . To the
roundabot
have two road are the road in the east and the road in the south . A long side of
road in the east and roundabout are eight factorys . To the south of the river
In the planner future , see what’s changed the most is road. There will contruction a
roundabout smaller in front of roundabout old on south street .Moreover, have
two road will opent .First street to cut short and a long flollow the river . there are
a housing to the left near roundabout and a housing on the other side of the rive
will contruction in the future. The second street will buil in the nouth west also
countruction more a houing to the right hand street and a housing at the end of
the road.The most striking change is that the street to the east of the town will
demolised to make room a new playground behind housing to the left hand and
there is in front of the housing . Morover, a school will contruction at the end that
road. The shops and medical centre will open to the south west and south east
sequence by roundabout big.Finally, the farmland is located in the nouth east
across the rive will spring up

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the two maps describle" -> "the two maps describe"
Explanation: Correcting the verb "describle" to "describe" fixes a spelling error and ensures the verb aligns with the context of describing changes on the maps.
"the furture" -> "the future"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "further" to "future" corrects a typographical error, enhancing the professionalism of the text.
"amost all changes" -> "almost all changes"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "amost" to "almost" fixes a typographical error, improving the readability and accuracy of the text.
"factory in the planer future will disapear" -> "factories in the planned future will disappear"
Explanation: Changing "factory" to "factories" corrects the plural form to match the context, and "planer" to "planned" corrects a spelling error and enhances clarity. "Disapear" is also corrected to "disappear" for proper spelling.
"perfect and solely the roundabout stay unchanged" -> "completely and solely the roundabout will remain unchanged"
Explanation: Changing "perfect" to "completely" corrects a misuse of the word, and "stay" to "will remain" corrects the tense to match the future context.
"Now in Norbiton have roundabout big" -> "Currently, in Norbiton, there is a large roundabout"
Explanation: Replacing "Now in Norbiton have" with "Currently, in Norbiton, there is" improves sentence structure and formality. "Roundabout big" is replaced with "a large roundabout" for clarity and grammatical correctness.
"To the roundabot" -> "at the roundabout"
Explanation: Correcting "roundabot" to "roundabout" fixes a spelling error and corrects the preposition usage.
"have two road are the road in the east and the road in the south" -> "there are two roads: one in the east and one in the south"
Explanation: Changing "have two road are" to "there are two roads" corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the structure.
"A long side of road in the east and roundabout are eight factorys" -> "Alongside the road in the east and the roundabout are eight factories"
Explanation: Replacing "A long side" with "Alongside" corrects a prepositional phrase, and "factorys" to "factories" corrects the plural form.
"To the south of the river" -> "south of the river"
Explanation: Removing "To the" simplifies the phrase, making it more concise and appropriate for formal writing.
"see what’s changed the most is road" -> "the most significant change is the road"
Explanation: Replacing "see what’s changed the most is road" with "the most significant change is the road" corrects the awkward phrasing and improves clarity.
"roundabout smaller in front of roundabout old on south street" -> "a smaller roundabout in front of the existing roundabout on South Street"
Explanation: Correcting "roundabout smaller" to "a smaller roundabout" and "roundabout old" to "the existing roundabout" clarifies the description and corrects the prepositional usage. "South street" should be capitalized as "South Street" for proper noun form.
"will opent" -> "will open"
Explanation: Correcting "opent" to "open" fixes a spelling error.
"a housing to the left near roundabout and a housing on the other side of the rive" -> "housing to the left near the roundabout and housing on the opposite side of the river"
Explanation: Replacing "a housing" with "housing" corrects the article usage, and "the rive" to "the river" corrects a spelling error.
"will buil in the nouth west" -> "will be built in the northwest"
Explanation: Correcting "buil" to "built" and "nouth west" to "northwest" corrects spelling and grammatical errors.
"countruction more a houing" -> "construction of more housing"
Explanation: Replacing "countruction" with "construction" and "a houing" with "housing" corrects spelling and grammatical errors.
"Morover, a school will contruction" -> "Moreover, a school will be constructed"
Explanation: Correcting "Morover" to "Moreover" and "contruction" to "constructed" fixes spelling and grammatical errors.
"The shops and medical centre will open

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes, and it focuses on details rather than key features. For example, the essay mentions that "the most striking change is that the street to the east of the town will be demolished to make room for a new playground," but it does not mention that the factories have been replaced by housing.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes, highlighting the key features of the development, and using more accurate language. For example, the essay could start by stating that the industrial area has been transformed into a residential area, and then go on to describe the specific changes that have been made. The essay could also use more precise language to describe the changes, such as "the factories have been demolished" instead of "the factories will disappear."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas, but they are not arranged coherently, and there is no clear progression in the response. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate, leading to confusion in understanding the relationships between ideas. The paragraphing is inadequate, with a lack of clear separation between different ideas and topics. Overall, the essay fails to meet the requirements for a higher band score due to these issues.
How to improve: To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer should focus on organizing ideas logically and ensuring a clear progression throughout the text. This can be achieved by using appropriate cohesive devices more effectively and avoiding repetition. Additionally, the writer should work on paragraphing by clearly separating different ideas and ensuring that each paragraph presents a single central topic. Finally, proofreading for grammatical and spelling errors will enhance clarity and readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with frequent repetition and inappropriate word choices that hinder clarity. Basic vocabulary is used, but there are numerous spelling and grammatical errors that strain comprehension. The lexical resource is insufficient for the task, with phrases like "the map show amost all changes" and "have two road will opent" reflecting a lack of control over word formation and collocation. Overall, the vocabulary used does not effectively convey the intended meaning, leading to confusion for the reader.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by learning synonyms and less common lexical items relevant to the topic. Practicing correct spelling and grammatical structures will also help improve clarity. Additionally, using a wider range of sentence structures and varying word choice can contribute to a more sophisticated and precise expression of ideas. Engaging with sample essays and vocabulary exercises can further aid in developing a stronger lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a very limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors that significantly hinder communication. While there are some attempts to use complex sentences, they are often inaccurate and lead to confusion. The use of simple sentences is also marred by grammatical mistakes, and punctuation is frequently faulty. Overall, the errors predominate, and the meaning is often distorted, which aligns with the criteria for Band 4.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Practice using a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Grammar and Punctuation: Review basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and punctuation usage. Regular practice can help reduce errors.
Proofreading: Implement a proofreading strategy to catch and correct errors before finalizing the essay. This can help improve the overall clarity and coherence of the writing.
Vocabulary Development: Expand vocabulary to express ideas more clearly and accurately, which can also help in constructing more complex sentences.

Bài sửa mẫu

The two maps describe changes to the industrial area in the town of Norbiton between the present and the future. Overall, the maps show almost all changes. Notably, the factories in the planned future will disappear completely, and solely the roundabout will remain unchanged.

Currently, in Norbiton, there is a large roundabout built in the center of the city. Around the roundabout, there are two roads: one to the east and one to the south. Alongside the road in the east, there are eight factories. To the south of the river, there are additional features.

In the planned future, the most significant change is to the roads. A smaller roundabout will be constructed in front of the existing roundabout on South Street. Moreover, two new roads will open. The first road will cut through and run parallel to the river. There will be housing to the left near the roundabout, and additional housing will be constructed on the other side of the river. The second road will be built in the northwest, also allowing for more housing to the right-hand side of the street and at the end of the road.

The most striking change is that the street to the east of the town will be demolished to make room for a new playground behind the housing on the left-hand side, which will be in front of the housing. Moreover, a school will be constructed at the end of that road. Shops and a medical center will open to the southwest and southeast, adjacent to the large roundabout. Finally, the farmland located in the northeast across the river will be developed.