The maps below show Colwick Arts Centre in 2005 and today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The maps below show Colwick Arts Centre in 2005 and today.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make
comparisons where relevant.
The "Colwick Arts Centre" map demonstrates changes in this area from 2005 to today. It's enormous development clearly, renovates and builds more new places to serve human's life. The meeting room was moved to the northwest and divided into two small rooms (first and second). Two galleries were added to the big one and moved to the left, opposite the meeting room. The toilet has disappeared. The concert hall and cinema were separated into two areas. The concert hall is to theis the right and extends from the northeast to the southeast, next to the cinema. Besides, there is a drama studio between the cinema and the meeting room. Transferring the concert hall and narrow cinema helped create more space for a central exhibition area. Below the central exhibition area is the information deskdesk still remains. The wasteland was transformed into an outdoor exhibition and performance area. The stage was placed in the center with trees around it but didn'tdon't have trees belowtrees in below it to make space for performersperformer can walk. There are decorative bricks on both sides.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"It’s enormous development clearly, renovates and builds more new places to serve human’s life." -> "The significant development evident, renovates, and constructs additional facilities to enhance human life."
Explanation: Replacing "It’s enormous development clearly" with "The significant development evident" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language. "Constructs additional facilities" is more precise than "builds more new places," and "enhance human life" is a more formal expression than "serve human’s life." -
"The meeting room was moved to the northwest and divided into two small rooms (first and second)." -> "The meeting room was relocated to the northwest and subdivided into two smaller rooms, designated as the first and second."
Explanation: "Relocated" is more precise than "moved," and "subdivided" is more specific than "divided." Designating the rooms as "first and second" clarifies their order and function. -
"Two galleries were added to the big one and moved to the left, opposite the meeting room." -> "Two galleries were appended to the existing one and relocated to the left, opposite the meeting room."
Explanation: "Appended" is more formal than "added," and "existing one" is clearer than "the big one." "Relocated" is preferred over "moved" for a more formal tone. -
"The toilet has disappeared." -> "The toilet facility has been removed."
Explanation: "Facility" is a more formal term than "toilet," and "been removed" is more precise than "has disappeared," which can imply a more permanent loss. -
"The concert hall and cinema were separated into two areas." -> "The concert hall and cinema were separated into distinct areas."
Explanation: "Distinct" is more formal and precise than "two areas," emphasizing the separation. -
"The concert hall is to theis the right" -> "The concert hall is to the right"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality. -
"Besides, there is a drama studio between the cinema and the meeting room." -> "Additionally, a drama studio is situated between the cinema and the meeting room."
Explanation: "Additionally" is more formal than "Besides," and "situated" is more precise than "there is." -
"Transferring the concert hall and narrow cinema helped create more space for a central exhibition area." -> "The relocation of the concert hall and the narrowing of the cinema facilitated the creation of a central exhibition area."
Explanation: "Relocation" and "narrowing" are more specific and formal terms than "transferring" and "narrow cinema." "Facilitated" is more academically appropriate than "helped." -
"Below the central exhibition area is the information deskdesk still remains." -> "Below the central exhibition area is the information desk, which remains."
Explanation: Corrects the typographical error "deskdesk" and uses "which remains" for grammatical correctness and clarity. -
"The wasteland was transformed into an outdoor exhibition and performance area." -> "The vacant land was transformed into an outdoor exhibition and performance space."
Explanation: "Vacant land" is more precise than "wasteland," and "space" is a more formal term than "area." -
"The stage was placed in the center with trees around it but didn’tdon’t have trees belowtrees in below it to make space for performersperformer can walk." -> "The stage was positioned centrally, surrounded by trees, without trees beneath it, to accommodate performer movement."
Explanation: Corrects the typographical errors and awkward phrasing, replacing it with a more formal and clear description. -
"There are decorative bricks on both sides." -> "Decorative bricks adorn both sides."
Explanation: "Adorn" is a more formal verb than "are," enhancing the academic tone of the description.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to summarize the changes at Colwick Arts Centre, but it lacks a comprehensive overview of the main features. While it mentions specific changes, such as the relocation of the meeting room and the addition of galleries, it does not adequately compare the two maps or highlight the most significant transformations. For example, the essay states that the toilet has disappeared but does not discuss the implications of this change or how it affects the overall functionality of the center.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should ensure that they clearly identify and summarize the key features of both maps. Including a brief introduction that outlines the main changes and a concluding statement that reflects on the overall transformation of the center would enhance clarity. Additionally, making explicit comparisons between the two time periods would provide a more rounded response.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear position regarding the significance of the changes. While it describes various modifications, it does not convey a coherent perspective on how these changes impact the Colwick Arts Centre or its users. The phrase "enormous development" is vague and does not clarify whether the changes are viewed positively or negatively.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should articulate their viewpoint on the changes. This could involve discussing whether the developments enhance the center’s functionality or aesthetic appeal. Using phrases that indicate the writer’s opinion, such as "This change improves…" or "This development could lead to…", would help establish a consistent stance throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the changes but lacks depth and support. For instance, while it mentions the addition of a central exhibition area, it does not elaborate on its significance or how it compares to the previous layout. The description of the outdoor exhibition area is also brief and lacks detail about its potential uses or benefits.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing examples of how the new spaces might be used or the benefits they bring. Including specific details about the layout changes and their implications for visitors would strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive overview.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the changes at Colwick Arts Centre. However, there are instances of unclear phrasing and repetition that detract from the overall coherence. For example, phrases like "the stage was placed in the center with trees around it but didn’t have trees below it" are convoluted and could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should strive for concise and straightforward language. Avoiding redundancy and ensuring that each sentence contributes to the overall argument will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, organizing the information in a logical sequence—perhaps by grouping related changes together—would enhance clarity and coherence.
Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the task but requires significant improvement in structure, clarity, and depth to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear overview of the changes at the Colwick Arts Centre, but the organization of information could be improved. For instance, the description of the concert hall and cinema is somewhat convoluted, with phrases like "the concert hall is to theis the right" creating confusion. Additionally, the sequence of changes is not entirely chronological, which can disrupt the reader’s understanding of the transformations over time.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider structuring the essay chronologically or thematically. Start with a brief introduction summarizing the overall changes, followed by a systematic description of each area (e.g., meeting room, galleries, concert hall, outdoor area) in the order they appear on the map. Using transitional phrases such as "first," "next," and "finally" can also help guide the reader through the changes.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which makes it difficult to distinguish between different sections of information. For example, the description of the concert hall and cinema is mixed with other details, leading to a cluttered presentation. Each idea could benefit from being housed in its own paragraph.
- How to improve: Implementing clear paragraph breaks will enhance readability. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the changes, such as one for the meeting room, another for the galleries, and a third for the outdoor area. This structure not only aids coherence but also allows the reader to digest information more easily.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, but their use is inconsistent and at times incorrect. For example, phrases like "besides" and "but" are used, but they do not always connect ideas effectively. Additionally, there are instances of repetition, such as "the concert hall and cinema," which could be varied for better cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms and varying sentence structures. For instance, instead of repeatedly stating "the concert hall," you could use "this venue" or "the performance space." Additionally, incorporating more linking words (e.g., "furthermore," "in contrast," "as a result") can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the clarity and effectiveness of the communication.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some appropriate terms such as "renovates," "galleries," and "performance area." However, the use of phrases like "enormous development" and "serve human’s life" lacks sophistication and variety. The repetition of certain terms, such as "meeting room" and "cinema," indicates a limited lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of "enormous development," alternatives like "significant expansion" or "substantial transformation" could be used. Additionally, diversifying the vocabulary related to the features of the arts centre (e.g., "exhibition space" instead of "central exhibition area") would strengthen the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "human’s life," which is vague and somewhat awkward. The phrase "the concert hall is to theis the right" contains a typographical error that affects clarity. Additionally, the term "wasteland" may not accurately reflect the intended meaning, as it typically refers to an uninhabited or barren area rather than a space that has been transformed for use.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim for clarity and appropriateness in word choice. For example, replacing "human’s life" with "community needs" would convey the intended meaning more effectively. Ensuring that terms accurately describe the features of the arts centre will enhance the overall clarity of the essay.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "theis" instead of "the," "deskdesk" instead of "desk," and "didn’tdon’t" instead of "didn’t." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or reading the essay aloud can help identify and correct spelling mistakes. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and maintaining a list of frequently used terms can aid in reducing errors in future writings.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary usage, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance clarity and engagement. For instance, phrases like "The meeting room was moved to the northwest and divided into two small rooms" and "The concert hall is to the right and extends from the northeast to the southeast" are straightforward but do not incorporate more complex structures, such as relative clauses or varied conjunctions. Additionally, the use of phrases like "was moved" and "has disappeared" indicates a reliance on passive voice, which can limit the dynamism of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses or relative clauses. For example, instead of saying "The concert hall is to the right," you could say, "The concert hall, which is located to the right, extends from the northeast to the southeast." This not only adds variety but also provides more information in a single sentence.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "It’s enormous development clearly, renovates and builds more new places to serve human’s life" is awkwardly phrased and contains a grammatical error with "It’s" (it should be "Its"). The phrase "theis the right" contains a typographical error, and "deskdesk still remains" is a repetition error. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, leading to run-on sentences and confusion, such as in "The stage was placed in the center with trees around it but didn’tdon’t have trees belowtrees in below it to make space for performersperformer can walk."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch typographical errors and ensure proper word forms are used. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly with commas and conjunctions, will help clarify sentence structure. For example, breaking long sentences into shorter, clearer ones can improve readability. Instead of "The stage was placed in the center with trees around it but didn’tdon’t have trees belowtrees in below it to make space for performersperformer can walk," consider revising to: "The stage was placed in the center, surrounded by trees. However, there were no trees below it, allowing space for performers to walk."
By focusing on these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
The “Colwick Arts Centre” map illustrates the changes in this area from 2005 to today. The significant development evident clearly renovates and constructs additional facilities to enhance human life. The meeting room was relocated to the northwest and subdivided into two smaller rooms, designated as the first and second. Two galleries were appended to the existing one and relocated to the left, opposite the meeting room. The toilet facility has been removed. The concert hall and cinema were separated into distinct areas, with the concert hall situated to the right, extending from the northeast to the southeast, adjacent to the cinema. Additionally, a drama studio is located between the cinema and the meeting room. The relocation of the concert hall and the narrowing of the cinema facilitated the creation of a central exhibition area. Below the central exhibition area is the information desk, which remains. The vacant land was transformed into an outdoor exhibition and performance space. The stage was positioned centrally, surrounded by trees, without trees beneath it, to accommodate performer movement. Decorative bricks adorn both sides.