The maps below show how the town of Harborne changed from 1936 to 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The maps illustrate the transformation of the town called Harborne between 1936 and 2007.

From an overall perspective, it is evident that Harbone experienced substantial changes, with the addition of modern facilities, infrastructure, and a significant reduction of green spaces, which caters for both commercial and recreational purposes.

From 1936 to 2007, much of the greenery in the northwest was cut down, whereas the northeastern river was replaced by a residential area. In the central area, only the post office, the bank, and the library remained unchanged. The sweet shop and butchers were completely demolished to make way for a big supermarket and a shopping centre, while the previous flower shop opposite the post office was converted into a travel agent.

During this period, the cycle path on the southwestern side was developed into an expanded road. The government offices in the southeast were also turned into a museum, and the adjacent farm land was redesigned as a golf course.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the transformation of the town called Harborne" -> "the transformation of the town of Harborne"
Explanation: "The town called Harborne" is unnecessarily informal. "The town of Harborne" is more concise and aligns better with academic writing conventions.

2."it is evident that Harbone experienced substantial changes" -> "it is apparent that Harborne underwent significant changes"
Explanation: "Apparent" is a more formal synonym for "evident," and "underwent" is a more precise verb than "experienced," enhancing the academic tone.

"which caters for both commercial and recreational purposes" -> "which serves both commercial and recreational purposes"
Explanation: "Serves" is a more formal and precise verb than "caters for," improving clarity and maintaining an academic tone.
"much of the greenery in the northwest was cut down" -> "much of the greenery in the northwest was removed"
Explanation: "Removed" is a more neutral and formal term than "cut down," which may carry informal connotations.
"the northeastern river was replaced by a residential area" -> "the northeastern river was supplanted by a residential area"
Explanation: "Supplanted" is a more precise term that conveys the idea of one thing being replaced by another, enhancing the academic quality of the writing.
"the sweet shop and butchers were completely demolished" -> "the sweet shop and butcher’s were entirely demolished"
Explanation: "Butcher’s" is the correct possessive form for the shop, and "entirely" is a more formal synonym for "completely," improving precision.
"to make way for a big supermarket and a shopping centre" -> "to accommodate a large supermarket and a shopping center"
Explanation: "Accommodate" is a more formal term than "make way for," and "large" is a more precise descriptor than "big." Additionally, "shopping center" is the preferred spelling in American English, while "shopping centre" is British; consistency in spelling should be maintained based on the intended audience.
"the previous flower shop opposite the post office was converted into a travel agent" -> "the former flower shop opposite the post office was converted into a travel agency"
Explanation: "Former" is a more formal term than "previous," and "travel agency" is the correct term for such a business, enhancing clarity.
"the cycle path on the southwestern side was developed into an expanded road" -> "the cycle path on the southwestern side was transformed into an expanded roadway"
Explanation: "Transformed" is a more impactful verb than "developed," and "roadway" is a more formal term than "road," improving the academic tone.
"the adjacent farm land was redesigned as a golf course" -> "the adjacent farmland was repurposed as a golf course"
Explanation: "Repurposed" conveys a more precise meaning than "redesigned," indicating a change in use rather than just a redesign, which enhances clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes in Harborne between 1936 and 2007. It identifies the main features of the changes, such as the reduction of green spaces and the development of new facilities. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features. For example, the essay mentions that the sweet shop and butchers were demolished to make way for a supermarket and shopping centre, but it does not provide any further details about these changes.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more details about the key features of the changes. For example, the essay could mention the size of the supermarket and shopping centre, or the types of shops that are located in the shopping centre. The essay could also provide more specific information about the changes to the green spaces, such as the number of trees that were cut down or the size of the golf course.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout the response. It effectively describes the changes in Harborne over the specified period, with a clear central topic in each paragraph. However, while cohesive devices are used appropriately, there are instances where their use may be slightly mechanical, and some transitions could be smoother. Overall, the paragraphing is clear, but there is room for improvement in the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices.

How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between ideas are seamless. Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence structures and linking phrases could improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay. Finally, ensuring that each paragraph not only presents a central idea but also connects more fluidly to the next would strengthen the overall cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the changes in Harborne from 1936 to 2007. The use of terms such as "transformation," "modern facilities," and "green spaces" indicates an awareness of the topic’s context. Additionally, the essay incorporates less common lexical items like "demolished," "converted," and "redesigned," which shows an attempt to enhance the vocabulary. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "cater for" instead of "catering to," and some minor errors in spelling (e.g., "Harbone" instead of "Harborne"). These factors prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more extensive range of sophisticated vocabulary used with precision. Reducing inaccuracies in word choice and ensuring correct spelling would enhance clarity. Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence structures and linking phrases could improve the overall fluency and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. For instance, "Harbone" should be "Harborne," which indicates a slip rather than a fundamental misunderstanding of grammar. The use of cohesive devices is effective, allowing the essay to flow logically. However, there are some instances of awkward phrasing, such as "which caters for both commercial and recreational purposes," which could be more clearly articulated.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the complexity and variety of sentence structures further, ensuring that all sentences are error-free. Additionally, refining awkward phrases and ensuring precise vocabulary usage will contribute to greater clarity and coherence. Finally, reviewing for minor slips in spelling and grammar will help solidify the overall accuracy of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps illustrate the transformation of the town of Harborne between 1936 and 2007.

From an overall perspective, it is evident that Harborne underwent substantial changes, characterized by the addition of modern facilities and infrastructure, alongside a significant reduction in green spaces, which now serve both commercial and recreational purposes.

Between 1936 and 2007, much of the greenery in the northwest was removed, while the northeastern river area was replaced by a residential zone. In the central area, only the post office, bank, and library remained unchanged. The sweet shop and butcher’s were completely demolished to make way for a large supermarket and shopping centre, while the former flower shop opposite the post office was converted into a travel agency.

During this period, the cycle path on the southwestern side was developed into an expanded road. Additionally, the government offices in the southeast were transformed into a museum, and the adjacent farmland was redesigned as a golf course.