The maps below show Hunderstone town at present and a proposed plan for it. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (at least 150 words)

The maps below show Hunderstone town at present and a proposed plan for it.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
(at least 150 words)

Given is the two maps that illustrate a number of proposed changes in the future which are going to take place in Hunderstone town.

Overall, the town will be completely transformed after the constructions of several facilities.

At present, there is a railway in the middle of the town dividing it into two parts. On the left-hand side of the plan, there is an air field which is along side an A2 way located in the west of the town. Next to this air field, a roundabout is connected with the town center by another A2 road, between them there is a gas satation on the railway. The town center is surrounded by a build-up area ring road, which is in the east of the town.

As can be seen from the second picture, the most notable changes that will be take in Hunderstone is the construction of a new A4 road at the bottom of the plan. This road is going to be built to link the center with the west area of the town. Besides, a big roundabout next to the old gas station also will be constructed in the middle of the town. Moreover, the old air field is going to be demolished to make way for a new industrial estate. Finally, a high way will be erected from the town center to the vinicity of the town.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Given is the two maps" -> "The two maps are provided"
Explanation: "Given" is not typically used in this context to introduce visual aids. "The two maps are provided" is more appropriate and clear.
"going to take place" -> "scheduled to occur"
Explanation: "Going to take place" is somewhat informal and vague. "Scheduled to occur" is more precise and formal.
"completely transformed" -> "completely transformed"
Explanation: This phrase is correct as it is, but it could be strengthened to "significantly altered" to emphasize the extent of the changes in a more academic tone.
"the constructions of several facilities" -> "the construction of several facilities"
Explanation: "The constructions" is grammatically incorrect. "The construction of" is the correct phrase.
"air field" -> "airport"
Explanation: "Air field" is not a standard term; "airport" is the correct and widely recognized term.
"along side an A2 way" -> "adjacent to an A2 road"
Explanation: "Along side" is a typographical error and "A2 way" is not a standard term. "Adjacent to an A2 road" corrects these issues and improves formality.
"Next to this air field" -> "Adjacent to this airport"
Explanation: As mentioned earlier, "air field" should be "airport," and "next to" is less formal; "adjacent to" is preferred in academic writing.
"a roundabout is connected with the town center" -> "a roundabout connects the town center"
Explanation: "Is connected with" is passive and less direct; "connects" is more active and clear.
"between them there is a gas satation" -> "between them lies a gas station"
Explanation: "Gas satation" is a typographical error and should be "gas station." "Lies" is more formal than "is."
"the town center is surrounded by a build-up area ring road" -> "the town center is encircled by a built-up area ring road"
Explanation: "Surrounded by" is correct but "encircled" is a more precise and formal term, and "built-up" should be "built-up area" for clarity.
"the most notable changes that will be take" -> "the most significant changes that will take"
Explanation: "Will be take" is grammatically incorrect. "Will take" is the correct form.
"a big roundabout next to the old gas station" -> "a large roundabout adjacent to the former gas station"
Explanation: "Big" is informal and imprecise; "large" is more formal. "Former" is more precise than "old" in this context.
"the old air field is going to be demolished" -> "the former airport is slated for demolition"
Explanation: "Old air field" is less formal and "slated for demolition" is a more precise and formal way to express planned action.
"a high way will be erected from the town center to the vinicity of the town" -> "a highway will be constructed from the town center to the vicinity of the town"
Explanation: "High way" is a typographical error and "vinicity" is not a word; "vicinity" is correct. "Erected" is less specific than "constructed," which is more appropriate for building projects.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the maps, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. It also does not adequately highlight all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay does not mention the new roundabout that will be built next to the old gas station.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay could also be improved by highlighting all the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could mention the new roundabout that will be built next to the old gas station. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "the town will be completely transformed," the essay could say "the town will undergo significant changes."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information about the maps of Hunderstone town with some organization; however, there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the current layout and proposed changes, the flow of ideas is sometimes unclear, and the connections between sentences and paragraphs are not always logical. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and occasionally inaccurate, leading to confusion in understanding the relationships between different elements. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that summarize the main idea. They should also work on using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately, ensuring that transitions between sentences and ideas are smooth and logical. Improving the logical arrangement of information and ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates to the central topic will also help in achieving a higher band score. Lastly, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will further strengthen the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the maps and the proposed changes in Hunderstone town, the vocabulary used is often basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "satation," "vinicity") and word formation ("high way" should be "highway"), which may cause some difficulty for the reader. The use of phrases like "a number of proposed changes" and "the most notable changes" shows an attempt to vary language, but overall, the lexical resource is insufficient to convey precise meanings effectively.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items relevant to urban planning and development. Additionally, focusing on correct spelling and word formation will improve clarity. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures can also help to avoid repetition and convey ideas more precisely. Engaging with more sophisticated vocabulary through reading and practice can further develop lexical flexibility and control.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate sentences, frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation are present, which can cause difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the constructions of several facilities" and "the most notable changes that will be take in Hunderstone" contain grammatical inaccuracies. Additionally, the use of "gas satation" and "vinicity" reflects spelling errors that detract from overall clarity. Overall, the essay conveys the main ideas but lacks the grammatical precision expected at higher band levels.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to improve fluency and coherence.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors, ensuring that all sentences are clear and correctly formed.
Practice Grammar: Engage in targeted grammar exercises to strengthen understanding of complex structures and their correct usage.
Use of Connectors: Improve the use of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow and coherence of ideas within and between sentences.

Bài sửa mẫu

The two maps illustrate a number of proposed changes that are set to take place in Hunderstone town in the future.

Overall, the town will be completely transformed after the construction of several facilities.

At present, there is a railway in the middle of the town, dividing it into two parts. On the left-hand side of the plan, there is an airfield alongside an A2 road located in the west of the town. Next to this airfield, a roundabout connects the town center by another A2 road, and between them, there is a gas station on the railway. The town center is surrounded by a built-up area ring road, which is situated in the east of the town.

As can be seen from the second picture, the most notable changes that will take place in Hunderstone include the construction of a new A4 road at the bottom of the plan. This road is going to be built to link the center with the western area of the town. Additionally, a large roundabout next to the old gas station will also be constructed in the middle of the town. Moreover, the old airfield is set to be demolished to make way for a new industrial estate. Finally, a highway will be erected from the town center to the vicinity of the town.