The maps below show the changes in a town after the construction of a hydroelectric power dam.

The pictures demonstrate how a town changed after the development of a hydroelectric power dam between 1990 and 2010.
Overall, this town was experienced significant changes, the most important of which were the narrowing of the river, together with the emergence of the lake and a hydroelectric dam system.
Looking first at the layout of 1990, the town was divided into two by a river stretching from North to South, with mountains, acient structures, rare plants and animals spread from Northwest to Southwest. To the east of the town, there were mountains, irrigated farmlands and villages also spread from Northeast to Southeast.
Turning to the year 2010, when the hydroelectric dam was completed, the river was narrowed by half to the north, along with the disappearance of structures to the northwest to be replaced by an artificial lake. Irrigated farmlands were also demolished to turned into hotel. Meanwhile, the hydroelectric dam system was built around the remaining part of the river, and the villages was relocated to the south of the river bank.

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Errors and Improvements:

"this town was experienced significant changes" -> "this town experienced significant changes"
Explanation: Remove "was" to maintain grammatical accuracy and clarity in the sentence structure.
"narrowing of the river" -> "constriction of the river"
Explanation: "Constriction" conveys the idea of narrowing in a more precise and sophisticated manner.
"acient structures" -> "ancient structures"
Explanation: Correct the spelling of "ancient" for accuracy.
"spread from Northwest to Southwest" -> "scattered from Northwest to Southwest"
Explanation: "Scattered" more accurately describes the distribution of the mentioned elements.
"Turning to the year 2010" -> "Turning to 2010"
Explanation: Simplify the phrase for conciseness without losing meaning.
"disappearance of structures to the northwest to be replaced by an artificial lake" -> "disappearance of structures to the northwest, replaced by an artificial lake"
Explanation: Restructure the sentence for clarity and to avoid ambiguity.
"demolished to turned into hotel" -> "demolished to be turned into a hotel"
Explanation: Correct the grammatical structure for clarity and accuracy.
"Meanwhile, the hydroelectric dam system was built around the remaining part of the river, and the villages was relocated" -> "Simultaneously, the hydroelectric dam system was constructed along the remaining stretch of the river, and the villages were relocated"
Explanation: Use "Simultaneously" for a more formal transition. Correct the subject-verb agreement by using "were" instead of "was" to match the plural noun "villages." Reorganize the sentence for better flow and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by describing the changes in the town after the construction of the hydroelectric power dam. It provides an overview of the main changes such as the narrowing of the river, emergence of a lake, and the construction of the dam system. Key features like the layout of the town before and after the construction are adequately highlighted.

How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more specific details and extend the discussion of the changes, focusing on the impact of these changes on the town and its inhabitants. Additionally, ensuring accuracy in describing the changes and avoiding irrelevant details would enhance the clarity and coherence of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the description of the town in 1990 to its changes by 2010. The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and the changes observed. However, there are some coherence issues within and between sentences, such as the abrupt shift from discussing the river to the eastern landscape in 1990. Additionally, the connection between the changes described in 2010 and their impacts on the town’s layout could be strengthened for better cohesion.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure a smoother transition between different aspects of the town’s description. Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences. Additionally, provide more explicit connections between the changes described and their implications for the town’s layout and structure. Finally, consider revising the organization of paragraphs to ensure logical progression and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey ideas with some flexibility and precision. There is use of less common lexical items (e.g., hydroelectric, irrigated farmlands) with an awareness of style and collocation. Some errors in word choice and word formation are present but do not significantly impede understanding.
How to improve: To improve lexical resource and aim for a higher band score, focus on using a wider variety of vocabulary throughout the essay. Pay attention to word choice and ensure accuracy in word formation to reduce occasional errors. Additionally, strive to use more sophisticated and natural language structures to enhance lexical control further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. It demonstrates an effort to vary the structure, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear sentence construction that hinder communication. There is an attempt at complex sentences, but they tend to be less accurate than simple ones. Grammatical errors and punctuation faults are frequent, causing some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring clarity in expression. Work on improving the accuracy of complex sentence constructions, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence cohesion. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and punctuation faults would help in presenting a clearer and more polished essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided illustrations depict the transformation of a town following the establishment of a hydroelectric power dam spanning the years 1990 to 2010.

In general, the town underwent substantial alterations, prominently marked by the narrowing of the river, the creation of a lake, and the implementation of a hydroelectric dam system.

Beginning with the town’s layout in 1990, it was characterized by a river dividing it into two sections, running from the North to the South. To the Northwest and Southwest, there were mountainous terrains, ancient structures, and diverse flora and fauna. Towards the East, mountains, irrigated farmlands, and villages were distributed from the Northeast to the Southeast.

Moving forward to 2010, the completion of the hydroelectric dam resulted in significant changes. Notably, the river’s width decreased by half towards the North, accompanied by the formation of an artificial lake, replacing previous structures to the northwest. Additionally, irrigated farmlands were repurposed into a hotel. Concurrently, the construction of the hydroelectric dam system encompassed the remaining stretch of the river, while villages were relocated to the southern riverbank.

In summary, the town’s landscape underwent notable modifications, primarily influenced by the installation of the hydroelectric power dam, resulting in changes to the river’s width, the creation of a lake, and the relocation of villages.