The maps below show the changes in the art gallery ground floor in 2015 and present day

The given picture depicts the renovation occurring in the ground floor at an art
gallery from 2015 to the present.

In general, it is evident/apparent that this floor has experienced/undergone
striking transformation, with the most noticeable feature being the
addition/introduction of new amenities to cater for the demand of visitors.

As can be seen in the northwest, there used to be a café and a gallery office in
2015 which have been converted into a gallery shop and a vending machine in a
sequential order. To the southwest at the gallery, exhibition room 4 has been
demolished to make room for a temporary exhibition and a children’s area.

Regarding a central area, despite a constancy of the entrance and the entrance
hall, an access for the disabled has been constructed in the proximity of the
entrance. Moreover, the introduction of lift which is located next to the right of
stairs is witnessed in the present of art gallery. Lastly, to along the east side of
current gallery, remaining of three exhibition remain untouched

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the renovation occurring in the ground floor" -> "the renovation taking place on the ground floor"
Explanation: "Taking place" is a more formal and precise phrase than "occurring," and "on" is the correct preposition to use with "floor."
"it is evident/apparent that" -> "it is clear that"
Explanation: "Clear" is a more straightforward and academically appropriate term than "evident/apparent," which can sound vague or redundant.
"experienced/undergone striking transformation" -> "undergone a significant transformation"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more precise term than "striking," which can imply a more emotional or subjective response.
"addition/introduction of new amenities" -> "addition of new amenities"
Explanation: "Introduction" can imply a more formal or ceremonial context, while "addition" is more straightforward and appropriate in this context.
"cater for the demand of visitors" -> "meet the needs of visitors"
Explanation: "Meet the needs" is a more precise and formal expression than "cater for," which can sound informal.
"which have been converted into a gallery shop and a vending machine in a sequential order" -> "which have been converted into a gallery shop and a vending machine"
Explanation: "In a sequential order" is unnecessary and adds complexity without clarity; the conversion is implied.
"demolished to make room for a temporary exhibition and a children’s area" -> "demolished to accommodate a temporary exhibition and a children’s area"
Explanation: "Accommodate" is a more formal and precise term than "make room for," enhancing the academic tone.
"despite a constancy of the entrance and the entrance hall" -> "despite the unchanged status of the entrance and entrance hall"
Explanation: "Unchanged status" is clearer and more formal than "constancy," which can be vague.
"an access for the disabled has been constructed in the proximity of the entrance" -> "access for individuals with disabilities has been constructed near the entrance"
Explanation: "Access for individuals with disabilities" is more respectful and precise than "access for the disabled," and "near" is more concise than "in the proximity of."
"the introduction of lift which is located next to the right of stairs is witnessed in the present of art gallery" -> "the introduction of a lift, located to the right of the stairs, is evident in the current layout of the art gallery"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure, uses "evident" to maintain a formal tone, and corrects grammatical issues.
"remaining of three exhibition remain untouched" -> "the remaining three exhibitions have remained untouched"
Explanation: "The remaining three exhibitions" is grammatically correct and clearer than "remaining of three exhibition," and "have remained" ensures proper verb tense and agreement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes, and the information is recounted mechanically. The essay also focuses on details rather than key features.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the changes, highlighting the key features, and using more appropriate language. The essay should also avoid recounting details mechanically. For example, instead of saying "the café and gallery office have been converted into a gallery shop and a vending machine," the essay could say "the café and gallery office have been replaced with a gallery shop and a vending machine." This would be a more concise and accurate way of describing the change.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression. However, while it uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is faulty or mechanical. For example, phrases like "in a sequential order" and "to along the east side" are awkward and disrupt the flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the clarity and fluidity of sentences. This can be done by using more natural phrasing and ensuring that cohesive devices are used appropriately without overuse. Additionally, organizing paragraphs more logically by grouping related ideas together would enhance coherence. Finally, ensuring that all sentences contribute clearly to the main topic of each paragraph will improve overall cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary (e.g., "renovation," "amenities," "demolished"), but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing (e.g., "witnessed in the present of art gallery," "remaining of three exhibition remain untouched"). While the vocabulary allows for basic communication of ideas, some errors in word choice and collocation detract from the overall clarity and precision. Spelling and word formation errors are present but do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring that less common lexical items are used correctly. Additionally, improving spelling and word formation accuracy will contribute to a clearer presentation of ideas. Engaging with more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures can also elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at using complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "the introduction of lift" (should be "the introduction of a lift") and "remaining of three exhibition remain untouched" (should be "the remaining three exhibitions remain untouched"). These errors do not severely impede communication but do indicate a lack of control over grammatical structures.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures while ensuring they are grammatically accurate.
Proofreading: Carefully check for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes to enhance overall accuracy.
Clarity and Precision: Ensure that all phrases are clear and precise; for instance, using articles correctly (e.g., "a lift" instead of "lift") and ensuring subject-verb agreement.
Practice: Regularly practice writing essays and seek feedback to identify and rectify common errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given picture depicts the renovation occurring on the ground floor of an art gallery from 2015 to the present.

In general, it is evident that this floor has undergone a striking transformation, with the most noticeable feature being the addition of new amenities to cater to the demands of visitors.

As can be seen in the northwest, there used to be a café and a gallery office in 2015, which have been converted into a gallery shop and a vending machine in sequence. To the southwest, exhibition room 4 has been demolished to make room for a temporary exhibition and a children’s area.

Regarding the central area, despite the constancy of the entrance and the entrance hall, an access point for the disabled has been constructed near the entrance. Moreover, the introduction of a lift, located to the right of the stairs, is evident in the current layout of the art gallery. Lastly, along the east side of the gallery, three exhibition rooms remain untouched.