The maps below show the changes of a community center in 10 years time.

The pictures delineate the modification of specific community centers within 10 years.
Overall, the community center underwent a number of dramatic alterations, the most important of which is the development of indoor sports and the conversion of the coffee bar into a cafe area. Notably, the car park remained in its original position throughout the period shown.
In the northwest, the garden was changed into indoor sports while the car part in the southwest as well as the reception and cloakroom stayed in the same location. In the center of the community, the hall with 100 seats remained, whereas the storage adjacent to the hall was narrowed in order to build toilet systems catering to citizens.
In the northeast of the downtown zone, there used to be four office buildings and a storage, but it was then demolished to make room for the cafe spot. Although no changes were made to the kitchen, the coffee bar and toilets were transformed into an office southeast of the community.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"delineate" -> "depict"
Explanation: "Delineate" is more commonly used in contexts where precise boundaries or distinctions are being outlined. "Depict" is a more suitable term for describing the portrayal of changes in visuals, as in this case.
"alterations" -> "transformations"
Explanation: While "alterations" is a valid term, "transformations" conveys a stronger sense of significant change, which is more appropriate given the context of the community center undergoing dramatic changes.
"Notably" -> "Significantly"
Explanation: "Notably" is appropriate for drawing attention to a noteworthy detail, but "significantly" better emphasizes the importance of the following statement regarding the unchanged car park, aligning better with the level of impact conveyed in the essay.
"car part" -> "parking area"
Explanation: "Car part" is incorrect in this context; "parking area" is the more precise term for the space designated for parking vehicles.
"adjacent to" -> "beside"
Explanation: "Adjacent to" means next to or adjoining something. However, "beside" specifically denotes being at the side of something, which better describes the relationship between the hall and the storage area.
"catering to citizens" -> "serving the public"
Explanation: While "catering to citizens" is not incorrect, "serving the public" is a more formal and commonly used phrase that fits the tone of the essay better.
"downtown zone" -> "central district"
Explanation: "Downtown zone" may not be incorrect, but "central district" is a more precise and commonly used term to refer to the main area of a city or town.
"demolished" -> "razed"
Explanation: "Demolished" is a general term meaning destroyed, while "razed" specifically refers to the complete destruction of a building or structure, which better captures the intensity of the action described in the essay.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

[
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the changes to the community center over the given period. It mentions the development of indoor sports, the conversion of the coffee bar into a cafe area, and the retention of the car park’s original position. The key features are highlighted, such as the changes in specific areas of the community center, including the northwest, center, and northeast zones.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more detailed descriptions of the changes, particularly in terms of the scale and significance of each modification. Additionally, clearer transitions between different areas of the community center and their respective changes would enhance the coherence of the response. Ensure all details are relevant and accurate to avoid any confusion or inaccuracies.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay presents a coherent overview of the changes in the community center over the given period. There is a clear attempt to organize the information logically, with a progression from one area of the community center to another. The writer effectively introduces the main changes observed, such as the development of indoor sports and the conversion of the coffee bar into a cafe area. Additionally, the essay attempts to use cohesive devices to connect ideas and provide a sense of continuity, although there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved. Paragraphing is utilized, but some transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on enhancing the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to strengthen the connections between ideas. Additionally, consider refining the organization of information to provide a clearer and more structured progression of ideas. This can be achieved by establishing stronger topic sentences for each paragraph and ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the changes in the community center. Finally, pay attention to the clarity of referencing and the logical relationship between ideas to further enhance coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It effectively describes the changes in the community center over the given time frame. The vocabulary used is suitable and conveys the intended meanings, although there is room for improvement in using more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. Some less common lexical items are used, such as "delineate," "modification," "dramatic alterations," and "adjacent," which contribute to the overall clarity and precision of the essay. However, there are instances where more varied vocabulary could enhance the lexical resource further.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource and aim for a higher band score, the essay can incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, especially more sophisticated and precise terms related to architectural changes, urban development, and community facilities. Additionally, utilizing synonyms and alternative expressions where appropriate can enhance lexical variety. Paying attention to collocation and word choice to ensure accuracy and appropriateness will also contribute to a more polished lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical range and accuracy. There is a variety of complex structures used throughout the essay, including subordinate clauses and compound sentences, which contributes to the overall coherence and cohesion of the text. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrasings present, such as "the modification of specific community centers within 10 years," which could be improved for smoother clarity.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, focus on refining the sentence structures for clearer expression. Pay attention to articles ("the modification of specific community centers" could be revised to "the modifications to specific community centers"), verb tenses, and word choices for more precise communication. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors like subject-verb agreement and ensuring consistency in verb tense usage will help elevate the essay’s overall quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided illustrations illustrate the evolution of specific community centers over a period of ten years. Overall, significant changes occurred within the community center, notably the establishment of indoor sports facilities and the transformation of the coffee bar into a cafe area. Interestingly, the car park retained its original location throughout the depicted period.

In the northwest section, the outdoor garden was replaced with indoor sports facilities, while the car park in the southwest, along with the reception and cloakroom, remained unchanged in their respective positions. In the heart of the community, the 100-seat hall remained intact, although the adjacent storage area was reduced to accommodate the construction of toilet facilities for the public.

Moving to the northeast part of the downtown area, four office buildings and a storage facility were previously present, but these structures were demolished to create space for the new cafe area. While no alterations were made to the kitchen, the coffee bar and restroom facilities were repurposed into an office located in the southeast corner of the community.