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The maps below show the future plan about the Biology School in particular university.

The maps below show the future plan about the Biology School in particular
university.

The given maps illustrate how the Biology School in particular university will be developed in the future. Overall, the layout of this area will undergo significant alterations, particularly the woodland, which will be shrinked for building a new laboratory and office in the north and a car park for staffs in the south.
According to the maps, the indoor sports hall located in the north-east will remain unchanged. The central library, which currently dominates the centre of the map, will also be preserved; meanwhile, the adjacent drama centre will be transformed into a music centre. Shifting toward the southern side of this area, only the cafe will maintain its size and position. Whilst the teaching building and the lecture room undergo vertical development through being upgraded to two stories, the IT centre will be expanded in a horizontal direction, becoming approximately four times larger than its initial size.
In a nutshell, the future plan demonstrates alterations of the overall layout in this area. While the green spaces are declined, the academic facilities will be extended to serve a larger number of students.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "in particular university" -> "in a particular university"
    Explanation: The article "a" is necessary to specify that the university is one among many, improving grammatical accuracy.

  2. "will be shrinked" -> "will be reduced"
    Explanation: "Shrinked" is an incorrect form; the correct term is "reduced," which conveys the intended meaning of making something smaller in a more formal manner.

  3. "for staffs" -> "for staff"
    Explanation: "Staff" is a collective noun that does not require an "s" for pluralization, thus improving grammatical correctness.

  4. "the cafe will maintain its size and position" -> "the café will retain its size and position"
    Explanation: "Retain" is a more formal and precise term than "maintain," enhancing the academic tone of the writing.

  5. "the teaching building and the lecture room undergo vertical development through being upgraded to two stories" -> "the teaching building and the lecture room will undergo vertical development by being upgraded to two stories"
    Explanation: Adding "will" clarifies the future tense, and "by" is more appropriate than "through" in this context, improving clarity.

  6. "the IT centre will be expanded in a horizontal direction" -> "the IT centre will be expanded horizontally"
    Explanation: "Horizontally" is a more concise and academically appropriate adverb that conveys the same meaning without unnecessary wording.

  7. "the future plan demonstrates alterations of the overall layout in this area" -> "the future plan illustrates changes to the overall layout of this area"
    Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise verb than "demonstrates," and "changes to" is a clearer phrase than "alterations of," enhancing clarity and formality.

  8. "While the green spaces are declined" -> "While the green spaces are diminished"
    Explanation: "Diminished" is a more formal and precise term than "declined," which can imply a decrease in quality rather than size, improving clarity.

  9. "to serve a larger number of students" -> "to accommodate a larger number of students"
    Explanation: "Accommodate" is a more precise term that conveys the idea of providing space or facilities for students, enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main changes to the Biology School, highlighting the key features of the development plan. The essay adequately describes the changes to the woodland, the new buildings, and the expansion of the IT centre.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes, such as the exact size of the new buildings or the number of trees that will be removed. The essay could also benefit from a more concise and focused conclusion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the description of changes. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved. For example, phrases like "shifting toward the southern side" could be more clearly linked to the previous sentence for better flow. The paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured to enhance clarity, particularly in distinguishing between different areas of change.

How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be done by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph clearly presents a distinct aspect of the changes. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution would help in reducing any mechanical or repetitive elements in the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, allowing for clear communication of the changes depicted in the maps. However, there are instances of inaccuracies in word choice, such as "shrinked" instead of "shrunk," and awkward phrases like "the woodland, which will be shrinked." The use of less common vocabulary is attempted, but with some inaccuracies, which aligns with the criteria for a Band 6. Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation that do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more varied and sophisticated vocabulary, including the correct forms of words. It would also be helpful to ensure that less common lexical items are used accurately and appropriately. Furthermore, enhancing the overall fluency and flexibility of vocabulary use, while minimizing errors, would strengthen the lexical resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, demonstrating an understanding of various grammatical structures. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "shrinked" (should be "shrunk") and "for staffs" (should be "for staff"). These errors, while not severely impeding communication, do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors and ensuring correct verb forms and pluralization. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and ensuring that more sentences are error-free would strengthen the essay. Practicing complex sentence constructions and refining punctuation usage will also contribute to a more polished and sophisticated writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given maps illustrate how the Biology School at a particular university will be developed in the future. Overall, the layout of this area will undergo significant alterations, particularly the woodland, which will be reduced to accommodate a new laboratory and office in the north, as well as a car park for staff in the south.

According to the maps, the indoor sports hall located in the northeast will remain unchanged. The central library, which currently dominates the center of the map, will also be preserved; meanwhile, the adjacent drama center will be transformed into a music center. Shifting toward the southern side of this area, only the café will maintain its size and position. While the teaching building and the lecture room will undergo vertical development by being upgraded to two stories, the IT center will be expanded horizontally, becoming approximately four times larger than its initial size.

In summary, the future plan demonstrates alterations to the overall layout of this area. While the green spaces are diminished, the academic facilities will be extended to accommodate a larger number of students.

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