fbpx

The maps below show the layouts of a nature museum between 2010 and 2015.

The maps below show the layouts of a nature museum between 2010 and 2015.

The given maps compare some changes in the design of a nature museum in 2010 and 2015.
Overall, the museum’s total area and ocean hall were enlarged in 2015 Moreover, there was an additional room for ice age exhibition, as well as an area for shops and cafe.
In 2010, there was a large rectangle room used to exhibit dinosaur fossils at the left of the map. Next to it was the lobby area right from the entrance, which consisted of a table ticket on the left side and a door leading to the ocean hall. Both of the two rooms were unchanged 5 years later, except for the enlarged oval area for the ocean hall which was equal to the length of the lobby.
The mammals room was designed on the left of the ocean hall, which was lengthened to be equal to the length of the dinosaur room and used for other purposes: ice age and insect exhibition. Moreover, to the right of the map, the empty area in 2010 was newly-built for the mammals and human room. It was also a space for shops and cafe for visitors to relax.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "some changes" -> "alterations"
    Explanation: "Alterations" is a more precise and formal term that conveys the modifications or adjustments made to the design of the museum.

  2. "enlarged" -> "expanded"
    Explanation: "Expanded" carries a broader meaning and suggests growth or increase in size, which fits well with describing the museum’s total area and ocean hall.

  3. "an additional room" -> "an extra chamber"
    Explanation: "An extra chamber" adds a touch of sophistication and specificity, denoting an additional space within the museum beyond the previous design.

  4. "shops and cafe" -> "retail outlets and café"
    Explanation: "Retail outlets" is a more formal term for shops, while "café" adds a more refined touch compared to "cafe."

  5. "rectangle room" -> "rectangular chamber"
    Explanation: Using "rectangular chamber" maintains consistency in language and describes the shape of the room in a more precise manner.

  6. "table ticket" -> "ticket counter"
    Explanation: "Ticket counter" better conveys the function of the area where tickets are purchased or obtained upon entrance.

  7. "un­changed" -> "remained unchanged"
    Explanation: Expanding "unchanged" to "remained unchanged" provides a clearer description of the rooms that stayed the same over the specified period.

  8. "lengthened" -> "extended"
    Explanation: "Extended" presents a more expansive idea of the elongation of the mammals room, conveying growth or elongation effectively.

  9. "newly-built" -> "newly constructed"
    Explanation: "Newly constructed" is a more formal and descriptive phrase indicating the creation of the area for the mammals and human room.

  10. "relax" -> "unwind"
    Explanation: "Unwind" adds a more sophisticated touch, suggesting a leisurely or relaxing activity for the visitors in the shops and café area.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task by providing a comparison of the nature museum layouts in 2010 and 2015. The key features, such as the enlargement of the museum’s total area, the ocean hall, and the addition of an ice age exhibition, shops, and a cafe, are mentioned. The essay offers a generally clear overview of the main trends and changes in the museum’s design.

However, there are areas where the essay could be improved. While it highlights key features, the extension of these points could enhance the depth and clarity of the response. For instance, providing more details about the changes in the ocean hall or the purpose of the newly-built area for mammals and humans would add substance to the overview. Additionally, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "enlarged oval area," which could be clarified for a more precise description.

How to improve:

  1. Expand on key features: Elaborate on the changes in the ocean hall, the purpose of the enlarged oval area, and the specific details of the new areas for mammals, humans, shops, and cafe.
  2. Use precise language: Avoid ambiguous terms like "enlarged oval area." Instead, provide exact dimensions or details to enhance clarity.
  3. Ensure relevance: Double-check details for relevance and accuracy, ensuring that all information contributes directly to the comparison between 2010 and 2015 museum layouts.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear overall progression, organizing information in a coherent manner. The introduction succinctly presents the main changes in the museum layout, providing an overview. Paragraphing is generally logical, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the museum’s transformation. However, there is a minor deviation in the first paragraph when discussing the 2015 changes.

The use of cohesive devices is effective, contributing to the coherence of the essay. The essay employs referencing, such as "both of the two rooms" and "to the right of the map," aiding in the flow of ideas. However, there are instances where sentence-to-sentence cohesion could be improved for smoother transitions.

The conclusion provides a summary of the changes but could be more explicit in restating the main points discussed in the body paragraphs.

How to improve: Ensure a more seamless transition between sentences, especially when discussing changes in different time periods. Consider a more explicit summary in the conclusion, reiterating the key points discussed. This will further enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, providing a clear overview of the changes in the nature museum from 2010 to 2015. The writer effectively uses vocabulary related to the museum layout and changes, such as "enlarged," "additional room," and "ocean hall." There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, as seen in the mention of "ice age exhibition" and "insect exhibition." However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "an enlarged oval area for the ocean hall which was equal to the length of the lobby." The use of "equal to" may cause confusion, as it suggests identical lengths, while the intention seems to convey an increase in size. Additionally, some sentences could be more precisely worded for clarity.

There are a few errors in word formation and spelling, such as "table ticket" instead of "ticket table" and "ocean hall were unchanged 5 years later" where the word "remained" might be more appropriate. Despite these errors, they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource, the writer should focus on more precise word choices and collocations. For instance, instead of "enlarged oval area," the writer could use "expanded oval space." Additionally, paying attention to word order, such as changing "unchanged 5 years later" to "remained unchanged over the five-year period," would enhance clarity. Further, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling and word formation errors will contribute to a smoother and more polished essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, utilizing a variety of complex structures. There is a clear attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to overall coherence. Most sentences are error-free, and the essay maintains good control over grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances of minor errors, such as the missing article in "an enlarged oval area" and the lack of articles in "There was an additional room for ice age exhibition, as well as an area for shops and cafe." These errors do not significantly impede communication but are noticeable.

How to improve: To improve, pay closer attention to article usage and consistency. In the sentence "an enlarged oval area," include the article before "oval" for grammatical accuracy. Additionally, in the sentence "There was an additional room for ice age exhibition, as well as an area for shops and cafe," add articles before "ice age exhibition" and "shops and cafe" to enhance precision and clarity. Further proofreading for minor errors will enhance the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams illustrate changes in the layout of a nature museum from 2010 to 2015.

Introduction:
The maps present a comparison of the design alterations in a nature museum between 2010 and 2015.

Overview:
In 2015, there were notable expansions in the total area of the museum and the ocean hall. Additionally, a new section was introduced, dedicated to the exhibition of the ice age, along with designated spaces for shops and a cafe.

Detailed Analysis:
In 2010, the left side of the museum showcased a spacious rectangular room featuring dinosaur fossils. Adjacent to this, the entrance lobby included a ticket counter on the left and a doorway leading to the ocean hall. Five years later, both the dinosaur exhibition room and the lobby remained unchanged, except for the expansion of the ocean hall, now in an oval shape, equal in length to the lobby.

On the left of the extended ocean hall, the mammals room, now matching the length of the dinosaur room, underwent a transformation to accommodate diverse exhibits such as those related to the ice age and insects. Meanwhile, on the right side of the layout, a new section emerged in 2015, designated for mammals and humans. This area also incorporated spaces for shops and a cafe, providing visitors with a relaxing environment.

Conclusion:
[Note: As the original prompt did not call for a conclusion, one is not provided here.]

Bài viết liên quan

Phản hồi

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice