The maps below show the layouts of nature Museum between 2010 and 2013.

The maps illustrate the difference of nature Museum design in 2010 and 2013.
Looking at the maps, it is obviously seen that the layout of the nature Museum has undergone spectacular changes. The most remarkable change lies in the addition of display areas to serve visitors.
The garden area was substituted with various areas such as “shop”, “cafe", “human origins display”, and “mammals". “Ice age” was constructed and replaced for the position of “mammals”. Followed by, “mammals” was renovated at the garden’s area. “Insects” was built in the place between “ice age” and “dinosaurs” to cater the needs of tourists.
The garden area was also left room for “shop” and “cafe” to serve people who were visiting the museum. The “ocean hall” area was expanded and reconstructed with more amenities. “Ocean hall” was located on the center of the map where people were convenient to visit.
Despite all changes above, the positions of entrance, lobby, and ticket desk remain unchanged during 3 over the years.

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Errors and Improvements:

"difference of nature Museum design" -> "variation in the design of the Natural History Museum"
Explanation: "Difference" is vague and lacks specificity. "Variation" is a more precise term to describe changes in design. "Natural History Museum" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.
"it is obviously seen" -> "it is evident"
Explanation: "Obviously seen" is redundant and less formal. "Evident" is a more sophisticated term that conveys the same meaning.
"The most remarkable change lies in" -> "The most notable alteration is"
Explanation: "Lies in" is a common phrase, but "alteration" and "notable" enhance the formality and precision of the statement.
"substituted with" -> "replaced by"
Explanation: "Substituted with" is imprecise and awkward. "Replaced by" is a more straightforward and accurate term to describe the change.
"areas such as" -> "sections including"
Explanation: "Areas such as" is less formal. "Sections including" is more precise and formal, providing a clearer description of the changes.
"constructed and replaced for" -> "erected and substituted in"
Explanation: "Constructed and replaced for" is grammatically incorrect. "Erected and substituted in" offers a clearer and more formal expression of the replacement process.
"was renovated at the garden’s area" -> "underwent renovation in the garden section"
Explanation: "Renovated at" is awkward. "Underwent renovation in" is clearer and more formal, specifying the location of the renovation.
"to cater the needs of tourists" -> "to cater to the needs of tourists"
Explanation: "To cater the needs of" is grammatically incorrect. "To cater to the needs of" is the correct phrasing.
"left room for" -> "made space for"
Explanation: "Left room for" is less formal. "Made space for" is more precise and suitable in a formal context.
"more amenities" -> "additional amenities"
Explanation: "More amenities" is vague. "Additional amenities" specifies that there are extra facilities, providing clearer information.
"was located on the center of the map" -> "was situated at the center of the map"
Explanation: "Located on" is imprecise. "Situated at" is a more formal and accurate phrase.
"Despite all changes above" -> "Despite the aforementioned changes"
Explanation: "All changes above" is informal. "The aforementioned changes" is more formal and appropriate for academic or formal writing.
"during 3 over the years" -> "over the course of three years"
Explanation: "During 3 over the years" is grammatically incorrect. "Over the course of three years" is a clearer and more formal expression of the time period.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task by comparing the layouts of the nature Museum in 2010 and 2013. It provides an overview of the changes, highlighting the addition of new display areas and the expansion of the "ocean hall". The key features such as the substitution of areas, addition of amenities, and relocation of exhibits are mentioned, although some details are irrelevant (e.g., mentioning "mammals" twice).
How to improve:
To improve, ensure that details provided are accurate and relevant. Avoid repetition of information and focus on providing a clear, concise overview of the changes in the museum layout. Additionally, extend the discussion of key features with more specific details where necessary.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a coherent organization of ideas, with a clear overall progression from describing the changes in the museum layout over the years. There is an attempt to use cohesive devices effectively, such as transition words like "followed by" and "despite all changes above." However, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved for smoother flow and clarity. For example, the connection between the sentences discussing the addition of display areas and the renovation of the garden area could be more seamless.

While the essay attempts to use paragraphing, it is not always logical. Some ideas could be better grouped together within paragraphs to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, the details about the changes in specific areas of the museum could be consolidated into separate paragraphs to improve organization.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent description of the changes in the museum layout, there is room for improvement in the effective use of cohesive devices and logical paragraphing.

How to improve:

Ensure smoother transitions between sentences by using a variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases.
Group related ideas together within paragraphs to enhance coherence and logical progression.
Pay attention to the logical flow of ideas within and between paragraphs to ensure a clear and organized structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition ("nature Museum," "layout," "spectacular changes," etc.) and a minimal variety of lexical items. While there is an attempt to use descriptive language ("substituted," "constructed," "renovated"), it lacks sophistication and diversity. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation ("substituted with various areas," "mammals was renovated at the garden’s area"). The essay also contains some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "Museum" not capitalized consistently and some awkward phrasing ("The most remarkable change lies in the addition of display areas to serve visitors"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range by incorporating more diverse and precise lexical items. They can achieve this by using synonyms, exploring different word forms, and employing more sophisticated expressions. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors and refining the use of collocations will enhance the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is an attempt to use varied structures, although some sentences could be more complex for a higher score. While there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve the score, aim for a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex ones. Additionally, pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation to reduce errors and increase clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided maps depict the evolution of the nature Museum’s layout from 2010 to 2013. A clear observation reveals significant transformations in the museum’s design during this period.

It is immediately apparent that the most notable alteration involves the introduction of new display areas aimed at enhancing visitor experience. Notably, the garden area in 2010 was replaced with diverse sections such as a "shop," "cafe," "human origins display," and "mammals." Subsequently, the "ice age" exhibit was established, taking the place of the "mammals" section. Following this change, the "mammals" area underwent renovation within the garden zone. Additionally, a new "insects" exhibit was constructed between "ice age" and "dinosaurs," catering specifically to the tourists’ interests.

Furthermore, the garden space was reutilized to accommodate the "shop" and "cafe," catering to the needs of visitors exploring the museum. Noteworthy is the expansion and refurbishment of the "ocean hall" area, now equipped with enhanced facilities. Positioned centrally on the map, the "ocean hall" offers convenient access to visitors.

Despite these substantial modifications, certain key areas such as the entrance, lobby, and ticket desk remained unchanged throughout the three-year period, providing continuity in visitor access and services.

Overall, the maps vividly illustrate the dynamic changes implemented within the nature Museum’s layout between 2010 and 2013, showcasing a concerted effort to enhance visitor engagement and satisfaction.