The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and 2010.

The given maps provide information on how the Stokeford village changed from 1930 to 2010.
Overall, there was a wide range of changes including the disappaerance of farmland and the growing number of residential houses during a 80-year period.
In 1930, along the main road connected with the bridge at the North, there were few domestics. However, the expansion of two narrow roads and a roundabout route which loacted at both sides of the huge previous road witnessed a vast quantity of household settled in the town in 2010. Additionally, besides the vanishment of two solely shopping malls, the front garden of three large buildings was destroyed and villagers constructed two extra homes for the retired senior group. Stokeford people stopped developing on agriculture that the demolishment of milk-cow farms was seen obviously. In the inverse situation, a variety of constructions consisting of post office and primary school and the flowing Stoke River remained unchanged throughout 1930-2010 period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"disappaerance" -> "disappearance"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the word is spelled correctly and maintaining professionalism in academic writing.
"a wide range of changes" -> "a significant range of changes"
Explanation: Adding "significant" enhances the precision of the description, indicating the extent of the changes observed, which is more appropriate for academic contexts.
"the growing number of residential houses" -> "the increasing number of residential structures"
Explanation: Replacing "houses" with "structures" broadens the scope to include other types of buildings, aligning with a more formal and comprehensive academic tone.
"few domestics" -> "few dwellings"
Explanation: "Domestics" is not the correct term here; "dwellings" is the appropriate term to describe buildings used as homes, enhancing clarity and accuracy.
"narrow roads and a roundabout route" -> "narrow roads and a circular route"
Explanation: "Roundabout" typically refers to a type of traffic circle, not a route. "Circular" is more precise and contextually appropriate for describing a route shape.
"vast quantity of household settled" -> "large number of households settled"
Explanation: "Vast quantity" is somewhat informal and vague; "large number" is more precise and suitable for academic writing.
"vanishment" -> "demolition"
Explanation: "Vanishment" is not a standard term in English; "demolition" is the correct term for the destruction of buildings, enhancing clarity and formality.
"the front garden of three large buildings was destroyed" -> "the front gardens of three large buildings were destroyed"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical number agreement to match the plural subject "buildings" with the plural verb "were," ensuring grammatical accuracy.
"villagers constructed two extra homes" -> "villagers built two additional dwellings"
Explanation: "Built" is more specific and formal than "constructed," and "additional dwellings" is more precise than "extra homes," aligning with formal academic language.
"Stokeford people stopped developing on agriculture" -> "the agricultural development in Stokeford ceased"
Explanation: "Stokeford people stopped developing on agriculture" is awkward and unclear; "the agricultural development in Stokeford ceased" is more direct and formal, improving clarity and flow.
"demolishment of milk-cow farms" -> "demolition of dairy farms"
Explanation: "Demolishment" is not a standard term; "demolition" is correct. "Milk-cow farms" is redundant; "dairy farms" is more concise and appropriate.
"a variety of constructions consisting of post office and primary school" -> "a variety of constructions including a post office and a primary school"
Explanation: "Consisting of" is less formal and slightly vague; "including" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, emphasizing the presence of these structures.
"the flowing Stoke River" -> "the flowing Stoke River"
Explanation: This is likely a typographical error; the word "the" should not be repeated unnecessarily, maintaining grammatical correctness.
"1930-2010 period" -> "period from 1930 to 2010"
Explanation: "Period" is a noun and should not be used with a hyphen; "period from" is grammatically correct and clearer in formal writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes that have taken place in Stokeford. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "the expansion of two narrow roads and a roundabout route which loacted at both sides of the huge previous road witnessed a vast quantity of household settled in the town in 2010." This is a detail, not a key feature. The essay also states that "Stokeford people stopped developing on agriculture that the demolishment of milk-cow farms was seen obviously." This is a repetitive statement that does not provide any new information.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes that have taken place in Stokeford. The essay should also focus on key features/bullet points, rather than details. The essay should also avoid repetition. The writer should also check their grammar and spelling. For example, the word "disappaerance" is misspelled. The writer should also use more precise language. For example, instead of saying "a vast quantity of household settled in the town," the writer could say "the number of houses increased significantly."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are notable issues with overall progression. While the writer attempts to describe the changes in Stokeford, the ideas are not always logically sequenced, leading to a lack of clarity. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which contributes to confusion. There are instances of repetition and unclear referencing, particularly in the transition between ideas. The paragraphing is present but not effectively structured, which further detracts from coherence.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing ideas and ensuring a clear progression throughout the essay. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, improving the clarity of referencing and substitution will reduce repetition. Finally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a logical structure will strengthen the overall organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey changes in the village of Stokeford, the vocabulary used is often basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "disappaerance," "loacted," "demolishment") and word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader. The use of phrases like "a variety of constructions" and "the flowing Stoke River" shows some attempt at using less common vocabulary, but overall, the lexical resource is insufficient to convey precise meanings effectively.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and sophisticated terms related to urban development and geographical changes. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and word formation errors would improve clarity. Practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions could also help convey meaning more precisely and naturally.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. While there are instances of grammatical accuracy, frequent errors in grammar and punctuation are present, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases like "the disappaerance of farmland" and "the vanishment of two solely shopping malls" contain spelling errors, and the sentence structure is often awkward, leading to unclear meaning. Additionally, the use of "the demolishment of milk-cow farms was seen obviously" is grammatically incorrect and affects clarity. Overall, while the essay conveys the main ideas, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder effective communication.

How to improve:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to enhance the overall grammatical range. Practice using subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to catch spelling and grammatical errors. Utilizing tools or peer reviews can help identify mistakes that may be overlooked.
Focus on Clarity: Ensure that each sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning. Avoid awkward phrasing and strive for more natural expressions.
Grammar Practice: Engage in targeted grammar exercises to strengthen understanding and application of complex structures, particularly in terms of subject-verb agreement and correct tense usage.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given maps provide information on how the village of Stokeford changed from 1930 to 2010. Overall, there was a wide range of changes, including the disappearance of farmland and the growing number of residential houses during the 80-year period.

In 1930, along the main road connected to the bridge in the north, there were few domestic properties. However, the expansion of two narrow roads and a roundabout, located on both sides of the main road, witnessed a vast increase in the number of households settled in the town by 2010. Additionally, alongside the disappearance of two standalone shopping malls, the front gardens of three large buildings were removed, and villagers constructed two extra homes for retired seniors. The people of Stokeford ceased agricultural development, as evidenced by the noticeable demolition of dairy farms. In contrast, a variety of constructions, including a post office and a primary school, as well as the flowing Stoke River, remained unchanged throughout the 1930-2010 period.