The maps show the development of a particular college campus from 1975 to 2002 and the proposed development of 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The first map illustrates the college’s outlook from 1975 to 2002 and the second one contains data for certain proposed changes to the campus’s design as of 2020.
As is evident from the maps, significant changes will be made for the overall layout of the campus such as an increase in the number of facilities, and more land will be used for construction.
In both the original design and the proposed one, the sports center is situated at the northeast corner of the campus; however, in 2020, the sports center will be operated indoors. Additionally, trees were cut down making room for an additional facility which is the IT room located next to the library, as it will be reduced in size compared to the 1975’s library.
Both the car park and the lecture room in the northeast and southeast sides respectively will be expanded, allowing larger capacity for students’ needs. In 2020, the drama department next to the car park will be replaced by the emergence of a geology and music department. On top of that, there will be a science building on the main walking path next to the geology/ music room.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The first map illustrates the college’s outlook from 1975 to 2002 and the second one contains data for certain proposed changes to the campus’s design as of 2020." -> "The first map depicts the college’s evolution from 1975 to 2002, and the second map presents data on proposed alterations to the campus design as of 2020."
Explanation: Replacing "illustrates the college’s outlook" with "depicts the college’s evolution" provides a more precise and academically appropriate term for describing changes over time. Similarly, "contains data for certain proposed changes" is replaced with "presents data on proposed alterations" to enhance the formal tone and clarity.
"significant changes will be made for the overall layout of the campus" -> "substantial changes are planned for the overall campus layout"
Explanation: Changing "will be made" to "are planned" shifts the verb tense to the present continuous, which is more appropriate for describing ongoing or future plans. "Significant" is replaced with "substantial" for a more formal tone.
"more land will be used for construction" -> "additional land will be allocated for construction"
Explanation: "More land will be used" is vague; "additional land will be allocated" specifies the action more clearly and formally.
"the sports center is situated at the northeast corner of the campus" -> "the sports center is located at the northeastern corner of the campus"
Explanation: "Situated" is less precise than "located," which is more commonly used in formal texts to describe spatial positions.
"trees were cut down making room for an additional facility" -> "trees were cleared to accommodate an additional facility"
Explanation: "Cut down" is somewhat informal and imprecise; "cleared" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. "Making room for" is replaced with "to accommodate" for a more direct and formal expression.
"as it will be reduced in size compared to the 1975’s library" -> "as it will be smaller than the 1975 library"
Explanation: "Reduced in size compared to" is verbose and awkward; "smaller than" is more concise and direct.
"the car park and the lecture room in the northeast and southeast sides respectively" -> "the car park and the lecture room, respectively, located in the northeast and southeast areas"
Explanation: Adding "respectively" after the commas clarifies the parallel structure, and "in the northeast and southeast areas" is more precise than "in the northeast and southeast sides."
"will be replaced by the emergence of a geology and music department" -> "will be replaced by the establishment of a geology and music department"
Explanation: "Emergence" is not typically used in this context; "establishment" is more appropriate for describing the creation of a new department.
"On top of that, there will be a science building on the main walking path next to the geology/ music room." -> "Additionally, a science building will be constructed along the main pedestrian path adjacent to the geology and music rooms."
Explanation: "On top of that" is informal and vague; "Additionally" is more formal. "There will be" is replaced with "will be constructed" for clarity and specificity, and "main walking path" is replaced with "main pedestrian path" for a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by providing an overview of the main features of the maps and making some comparisons. However, the essay lacks a clear and concise overview of the main trends or changes. The essay also presents some details that are irrelevant or inaccurate, such as the statement that the library will be reduced in size in 2020.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the main changes to the campus, such as the increase in the number of facilities and the expansion of the car park and lecture room. The essay could also be improved by focusing on the most significant changes and avoiding irrelevant details. For example, the essay could mention that the sports center will be moved indoors and that the drama department will be replaced by a geology and music department, but it does not need to mention that the library will be reduced in size.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a generally coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the description of the maps to the proposed changes. However, while it does use cohesive devices, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from clearer paragraphing that groups related ideas together. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between sentences and ideas are smooth would enhance the overall flow. Providing a more structured introduction and conclusion that summarizes the main points could also improve coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "illustrates," "significant changes," and "emergence," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "the sports center will be operated indoors," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are some errors in word choice and collocation, such as "trees were cut down making room" which could be more effectively phrased. While the meaning is generally clear, there are some spelling and word formation errors that do not impede communication but could cause minor confusion.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise and varied word choices. They should also pay attention to collocation and ensure that phrases are natural and contextually appropriate. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items, while ensuring accuracy, will help to elevate the overall quality of the writing. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors can further improve clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some effective sentence structures, there are also noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the sports center will be operated indoors" could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are instances of punctuation errors, such as missing commas that could help clarify the meaning of certain sentences. Overall, while the communication is maintained, the errors present suggest that the writer has not fully controlled grammar and punctuation.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation. This can be done by proofreading the essay for common errors and practicing complex sentence structures to enhance variety. Additionally, ensuring that each sentence is clear and concise will help improve overall coherence and readability. Engaging with more advanced grammatical forms and expanding vocabulary can also contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

The first map illustrates the college’s layout from 1975 to 2002, while the second map presents the proposed changes to the campus design as of 2020.

As is evident from the maps, significant alterations will be made to the overall layout of the campus, including an increase in the number of facilities and a greater allocation of land for construction.

In both the original design and the proposed layout, the sports center is located at the northeast corner of the campus; however, in 2020, the sports center will be moved indoors. Additionally, trees have been removed to accommodate a new facility, the IT room, which will be situated next to the library, which will be reduced in size compared to the library in 1975.

Both the car park and the lecture room, located on the northeast and southeast sides respectively, will be expanded to allow for a larger capacity to meet students’ needs. In 2020, the drama department next to the car park will be replaced by the introduction of a geology and music department. Furthermore, there will be a new science building along the main walking path adjacent to the geology and music room.