The maps show the town of Wilden in 1990 and today.
The provided maps compares the differences of Wilden's town between the years 1990 and today.
Overall, it is noticeable that the town undergone some significant changes in land use. Including the notable demolition of factories and occupied with residential facilities instead. All while maintaining and expanding natural boundaries and residential zone.
Throughout the three decade period, the natural and residential zone in the top area witnessed some substantial adjustments to its urban planning. First, it is evident that the park was expanded westward, with the addition of more greenery alongside a mini golf course appeared. In the North East, where the houses and park were used to be situated has been necessitated with newly built community centre. Due to this, the home which is indicated in red have reduced in number in order to make way for the new centre.
A significant alteration occurred in the southern region where nearly a half amount of factories were replaced with restaurant alongside tables and chairs. Additionally, the remaining factories and cafe were occupied with the block of flats in which resulted in the appearance of the new residential zone.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"The provided maps compares" -> "The provided maps compare"
Explanation: The subject "maps" is plural, so the verb should also be plural, which is "compare" in this context.
"town undergone some significant changes" -> "town has undergone significant changes"
Explanation: Adding "has" before "undergone" creates the correct present perfect tense, indicating that the changes occurred in the past and have relevance to the present.
"occupied with residential facilities instead" -> "occupied by residential facilities instead"
Explanation: "Occupied by" is the correct phrase to indicate that something is taken up or filled with something else.
"witnessed some substantial adjustments to its urban planning" -> "witnessed significant modifications to its urban planning"
Explanation: "Modifications" is a more precise word choice than "adjustments," and "significant" adds emphasis.
"mini golf course appeared" -> "a mini golf course emerged"
Explanation: "Emerged" is a more dynamic verb to describe the appearance of a mini golf course.
"has been necessitated with newly built community centre" -> "has been necessitated by the construction of a newly built community centre"
Explanation: "Necessitated by" is the correct phrase to show that the construction of the community center caused the necessity.
"home which is indicated in red" -> "homes indicated in red"
Explanation: Plural "homes" is more appropriate when referring to multiple homes.
"have reduced in number" -> "has reduced in number"
Explanation: "Has reduced" is the correct verb form because it agrees with the singular subject "home."
"nearly a half amount of factories" -> "almost half of the factories"
Explanation: "Almost half" is a more concise way to express the idea, and "amount of" can be replaced with "of" when referring to countable objects like factories.
"restaurant alongside tables and chairs" -> "restaurants with accompanying tables and chairs"
Explanation: "Accompanying" is a more descriptive term to show the relationship between the restaurants and the tables and chairs.
"occupied with the block of flats" -> "occupied by a block of flats"
Explanation: "Occupied by" is the correct phrase to indicate what occupied the space.
"resulted in the appearance of the new residential zone" -> "resulted in the emergence of a new residential zone"
Explanation: "Emergence" is a more dynamic word choice for the creation of a new residential zone.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by comparing the town of Wilden in 1990 and today. It provides an overview with information appropriately selected, including changes in land use, the expansion of natural boundaries and residential zones, and specific developments in various areas of the town.
The essay highlights key features and bullet points, such as the expansion of the park, the construction of a community center, and the replacement of factories with restaurants and residential buildings. It offers a clear description of these changes and their impact on the town.
However, the essay has some room for improvement. While it adequately covers key features and bullet points, some details may be inaccurate or need further elaboration. For instance, it could provide more specific data about the extent of changes, such as the exact number of factories replaced or the size of the park expansion.
How to improve: To improve the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim for more accuracy and precision in describing the changes. Providing specific data and statistics where available would enhance the clarity and depth of the response. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more organized structure with clear transitions between different aspects of the town’s transformation for a smoother flow of information.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates some organization and coherence but has several issues that prevent it from scoring higher.
Organization: The essay starts with an introduction but lacks a clear structure with distinct paragraphs. It would benefit from a more structured approach with clear paragraphing.
Cohesion: While the essay attempts to use cohesive devices, there are instances of faulty or inadequate cohesion. For example, the phrase "All while maintaining and expanding natural boundaries and residential zone" is somewhat disjointed and lacks clear cohesion with the previous sentence. Additionally, some sentences lack smooth transitions, making it less cohesive.
Repetition: There is some repetition, particularly in the phrases "natural boundaries and residential zone," which appears twice in the essay.
Lack of Overall Progression: The essay does present information about the changes in Wilden’s town, but the progression of ideas could be clearer. It’s essential to guide the reader through the changes systematically.
How to Improve:
Paragraph Structure: Divide the essay into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This will improve the overall organization and readability.
Cohesion: Ensure that each sentence flows smoothly to the next, providing a logical progression of ideas. Avoid abrupt transitions or disconnected sentences. Use cohesive devices such as pronouns and transitional words more effectively.
Avoid Repetition: Review the essay to eliminate unnecessary repetition of phrases or ideas.
Clear Progression: Provide a more structured and systematic presentation of the changes in the town, possibly in chronological order or by geographic location. This will help readers follow the development more easily.
Proofread: Carefully proofread the essay for grammatical and spelling errors to enhance clarity and coherence.
Overall, while the essay conveys information about the changes in Wilden’s town, it needs better organization, improved cohesion, and less repetition to achieve a higher band score for Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
The essay falls into the Band 5 category for Lexical Resource. It uses a somewhat limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While the writer attempts to convey the changes in the town of Wilden from 1990 to the present day, the vocabulary used is quite basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice, word formation, and some awkward phrasing that may cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, "it is noticeable that the town undergone" should be "it is noticeable that the town underwent," and "has been necessitated with newly built community centre" should be "has been necessitated by a newly built community center." These errors in word choice and word formation hinder the clarity of the essay.
How to improve:
- Expand your vocabulary: Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely. Avoid repetitive words and phrases.
- Proofread for errors: Carefully proofread your essay to identify and correct errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation.
- Improve sentence structure: Work on sentence structure and clarity to make your writing more fluent and coherent.
- Use transitional phrases: Incorporate transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and ideas.
By focusing on these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay falls within the Band 6 criteria for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. Here’s why:
Range of Structures: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. It uses a variety of sentence structures to convey ideas, although some sentences are less complex than others.
Error Frequency: While there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues in the essay, they do not significantly reduce communication. For example, there are minor issues like "the town undergone" (should be "the town underwent"), "in land use" (should be "in land usage"), and "have reduced in number" (should be "has reduced in number"). These errors, though noticeable, do not hinder comprehension.
Complex Structures: The essay attempts to use complex structures, such as "Due to this," "in which resulted," and "necessitated with newly built." While these structures are not always used perfectly, they contribute to a sense of variety in sentence structure.
Overall Clarity: The essay effectively communicates the changes in Wilden’s town between 1990 and today. It provides a clear description of the alterations in different areas of the town, indicating an understanding of the topic.
How to Improve: To move to a higher band score (e.g., Band 7), the writer should aim for more consistent accuracy in grammar and punctuation. They should also work on using a wider range of complex sentence structures with greater precision. Additionally, proofreading the essay for minor errors and improving sentence clarity would enhance the overall quality of writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided maps compare the town of Wilden in 1990 and its current state.
Overall, it is noticeable that the town has undergone significant changes in land use, including the notable demolition of factories, which have been replaced with residential facilities. Additionally, natural boundaries and the residential zone have been maintained and expanded.
Over the three-decade period, the natural and residential zone in the upper area witnessed substantial adjustments to its urban planning. Firstly, the park expanded westward, incorporating more greenery and the addition of a mini golf course. In the northeast, where houses and a park were previously situated, a new community center has been built, leading to a reduction in the number of homes, as indicated in red, to accommodate the new center.
A significant alteration occurred in the southern region, where nearly half of the factories were replaced with restaurants featuring outdoor seating with tables and chairs. Furthermore, the remaining factories and the cafe were transformed into a block of flats, resulting in the emergence of a new residential zone.