The maps show the waterfront section of a city before and after a development project

The two maps illustrate how a waterfront section of a city changed before and after a development project. Overall, the project intentionally changed this area from an industrial area into a residential area.
Before the project, on the west side of the river, where the most significant changes occurred. Warehouses were all demolished and replaced by a hotel. There were two factories which were knocked down to make room for an apartment building and a park. In addition, the container ship piers were removed and a pleasure boat marina was constructed in this area.
On the east side of the river, it is clear that the ferry terminal located in the north of the land remained unchanged. Moreover, an office tower was added across the river from the apartment building. While two factories along the harbour were replaced by another apartment building, a park was opened in the northeast side of the land.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the two maps illustrate" -> "the two maps depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more formal and precise term than "illustrate," which is often used in a more casual context. It conveys a clearer sense of representation in an academic setting.
"changed this area from an industrial area into a residential area" -> "transformed this area from an industrial zone into a residential zone"
Explanation: "Transformed" conveys a more significant and deliberate change than "changed," and "zone" is a more precise term than "area," particularly in urban planning contexts.
"the most significant changes occurred" -> "the most substantial changes occurred"
Explanation: "Substantial" is a more formal and precise term than "significant," which can be vague. It emphasizes the degree of change more effectively.
"were all demolished" -> "were completely demolished"
Explanation: The addition of "completely" enhances clarity by emphasizing the totality of the demolition, which is relevant in a formal description of urban development.
"knocked down" -> "demolished"
Explanation: "Demolished" is a more formal and precise term than "knocked down," which is colloquial and less suitable for academic writing.
"to make room for" -> "to accommodate"
Explanation: "To accommodate" is a more formal and precise phrase than "to make room for," which can sound informal and vague in an academic context.
"pleasure boat marina" -> "recreational marina"
Explanation: "Recreational marina" is a more formal and precise term that encompasses a broader range of boating activities, making it more suitable for academic writing.
"it is clear that" -> "it is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal phrase than "it is clear that," aligning better with academic writing standards.
"the ferry terminal located in the north of the land" -> "the ferry terminal situated in the northern part of the area"
Explanation: "Situated" is a more formal term than "located," and "northern part of the area" is clearer and more precise than "north of the land."
"was added across the river from the apartment building" -> "was constructed across the river from the apartment building"
Explanation: "Constructed" is a more formal term than "added," which is more appropriate for describing the development of buildings in an academic context.
"two factories along the harbour were replaced by another apartment building" -> "two factories along the harbor were replaced with an additional apartment building"
Explanation: "Replaced with" is more precise than "replaced by," and "additional" is a more formal choice than "another," enhancing the academic tone.
"a park was opened in the northeast side of the land" -> "a park was established in the northeastern part of the area"
Explanation: "Established" is a more formal term than "opened," and "northeastern part of the area" is clearer and more precise than "northeast side of the land."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main changes that occurred in the waterfront section of the city. It accurately identifies the key features of the development project, such as the conversion of industrial land to residential land, the construction of a hotel and apartment buildings, and the creation of a pleasure boat marina. The essay also highlights the key features of the development project, such as the removal of the container ship piers and the addition of a park. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more detailed information about the changes that occurred. For example, the essay could provide more specific information about the size and location of the new buildings, or it could discuss the impact of the development project on the environment.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the changes that occurred. For example, the essay could provide more specific information about the size and location of the new buildings, or it could discuss the impact of the development project on the environment. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the changes that occurred. For example, instead of saying that the container ship piers were "removed," the essay could say that they were "demolished" or "relocated."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression from the description of the changes on the west side of the river to those on the east side. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. Additionally, paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between ideas are smooth will also improve coherence. Furthermore, organizing the information in a more logical manner, perhaps by grouping similar changes together, would enhance the overall clarity and progression of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in describing the changes in the waterfront area. The use of terms such as "demolished," "knocked down," "constructed," and "remained unchanged" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are instances where word choice could be improved for greater clarity and precision, such as the phrase "the most significant changes occurred," which could be more effectively expressed. Additionally, there are minor errors in word formation and sentence structure that detract from the overall fluency.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary, particularly more sophisticated synonyms and phrases that convey precise meanings. Additionally, reducing errors in word choice and ensuring correct collocations will improve clarity. Practicing the use of uncommon lexical items in context and refining spelling and word formation will also contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, which aligns well with the criteria for Band 7. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "on the west side of the river, where the most significant changes occurred" lacks a main clause, making it a fragment. However, these errors do not significantly hinder communication, and the overall structure of the essay is coherent and logical.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the range of grammatical structures used, particularly by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring that all clauses are complete. Additionally, minimizing minor errors and ensuring that all sentences are error-free would enhance the overall accuracy and flexibility of the writing. More varied vocabulary and sentence structures could also contribute to a more sophisticated essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The two maps illustrate how a waterfront section of a city transformed before and after a development project. Overall, the project intentionally converted this area from an industrial zone into a residential neighborhood.

Before the project, significant changes occurred on the west side of the river. Warehouses were demolished and replaced by a hotel. Additionally, two factories were knocked down to make way for an apartment building and a park. Furthermore, the container ship piers were removed, and a pleasure boat marina was constructed in this area.

On the east side of the river, it is evident that the ferry terminal located in the northern part of the land remained unchanged. Moreover, an office tower was added across the river from the apartment building. While two factories along the harbor were replaced by another apartment building, a park was established in the northeast section of the land.