The media should include more stories which report good news.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A controversial topic has been raised about how the media should work. One of the most notable arguments said that good news should be covered in the media. I personally agree with that statement and will explain my reasoning in my essay below.
On the one hand, triggering headlines about negative information creates anxieties and depressions among society. Psychologically, this type of news, unless managed properly, may keep readers in a state of stress, leading them to experience trauma. As the long-term consequences, children will be educated in the wrong way when easily absorbing toxic information on mass media and do not have the ability to filter it, leading to the upward trend of crime scenes rate. For instance, over 70% of teenage criminals in the US truly spoke that they were watching terrorist footage and crime scenes on the Internet in their childhood, and confirmed that it built up their character. Furthermore, bad news is the tool of spreading harassment and reactionary community in order to coup d'etat the current government. The prime example is Bangladesh, where the population was incited to overthrow the current government by hostile forces through disseminated information, even though national benefits in the country were still being maintained effectively. Because of all those drawbacks, we need the media to promote more good news.
On the other hand, good news also has a mental effect on society, but in the opposite mechanism. They restore our faith in humanity, inspiring moral courses of action to children to uphold ethical social values, which is the best way to educate people among modern society and the globalization trends. Additionally, they strengthen the belief of the current government, boosting the maximum national benefits, from the economy to the social welfare quality. For example, Vietnam has recovered from two fierce wars, and the first and ultimate goal of the government was to protect people from the misinterpretations of the enemy forces, strongly fine and prosecute any individual who has the idea to spread wrong information in the criminal states, resulting in being one of the fastest developing countries around the world.
In conclusion, I believe that more stories of good news can positively affect education, moral behavior and strengthen the faith of society and government, while reducing the crime scenes rate and the possibility of harassment activities.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A controversial topic has been raised about how the media should work." -> "A contentious issue has emerged regarding the role of the media."
Explanation: The phrase "A contentious issue has emerged" is more precise and formal, better fitting the academic style. "Regarding the role of the media" clarifies the subject matter more accurately than "how the media should work."
"One of the most notable arguments said that" -> "One of the most prominent arguments asserts that"
Explanation: "Asserts" is more formal and academically appropriate than "said," which is too conversational for academic writing. Additionally, "notable" is replaced with "prominent" to enhance the formality of the language.
"I personally agree with that statement" -> "I concur with this viewpoint"
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," and "viewpoint" is a more precise term than "statement" in this context.
"On the one hand, triggering headlines about negative information creates anxieties and depressions among society." -> "On the one hand, the dissemination of negative information through headlines can create anxiety and depression within society."
Explanation: "The dissemination of negative information through headlines" is a more precise and formal way to describe the process, and "within society" is more accurate than "among society."
"Psychologically, this type of news, unless managed properly, may keep readers in a state of stress, leading them to experience trauma." -> "Psychologically, this type of news, if not properly managed, can induce stress and potentially lead to trauma in readers."
Explanation: "If not properly managed" is more precise and formal than "unless managed properly." Also, "can induce stress and potentially lead to trauma" is a more academically appropriate phrasing.
"As the long-term consequences, children will be educated in the wrong way" -> "As a long-term consequence, children may be misinformed"
Explanation: "As a long-term consequence" is grammatically correct, and "may be misinformed" is a more precise and formal way to describe the potential impact on children’s education.
"do not have the ability to filter it" -> "lack the capacity to filter it"
Explanation: "Lack the capacity" is a more formal expression than "do not have the ability," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.
"over 70% of teenage criminals in the US truly spoke that they were watching terrorist footage and crime scenes on the Internet in their childhood" -> "more than 70% of teenage criminals in the US reported that they had viewed terrorist footage and crime scenes on the Internet during their childhood"
Explanation: "Reported" is more formal than "spoke," and "had viewed" is more precise than "were watching," which is less formal.
"bad news is the tool of spreading harassment and reactionary community in order to coup d’etat the current government" -> "bad news serves as a tool for spreading harassment and inciting reactionary communities to overthrow the current government"
Explanation: "Serves as a tool for spreading" is more precise and formal than "is the tool of spreading." Also, "inciting reactionary communities to overthrow" is more accurate and formal than "coup d’etat the current government."
"Because of all those drawbacks, we need the media to promote more good news." -> "Given these drawbacks, it is essential that the media prioritize the dissemination of positive news."
Explanation: "Given these drawbacks" is more formal and precise than "Because of all those drawbacks." "Prioritize the dissemination of positive news" is more formal and specific than "promote more good news."
"good news also has a mental effect on society, but in the opposite mechanism" -> "good news also has a positive impact on society, albeit through a different mechanism"
Explanation: "Positive impact" is more specific and formal than "mental effect," and "albeit through a different mechanism" is more precise and formal than "but in the opposite mechanism."
"They restore our faith in humanity, inspiring moral courses of action to children to uphold ethical social values" -> "They restore faith in humanity, inspiring moral actions in children to uphold ethical social values"
Explanation: "Restore faith in humanity" is more concise and formal than "restore our faith in humanity." Also, "inspiring moral actions in children" is more direct and formal than "inspiring moral courses of action to children."
"which is the best way to educate people among modern society and the globalization trends" -> "which is the most effective method of educating individuals in modern society and in the context of globalization"
Explanation: "The most effective method of educating individuals" is more precise and formal than "the best way to educate people." "In

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative impact of bad news and the positive effects of good news. The author presents a clear agreement with the statement that the media should include more good news. However, while the essay mentions both sides, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the counterargument regarding the necessity of some negative news for societal awareness. The examples provided, such as the impact of bad news on children and the political implications in Bangladesh, are relevant and illustrate the points well.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could explicitly acknowledge the potential importance of negative news in informing the public about critical issues. This could involve a brief discussion on how a balance between good and bad news could serve the public interest, thereby addressing all parts of the question more comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position throughout the essay, consistently advocating for the inclusion of more good news in the media. Phrases such as "I personally agree with that statement" and the concluding remarks reinforce this stance. However, the transition between the discussion of bad news and good news could be smoother to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and maintain a consistent position, the author should use clearer transitional phrases when shifting between points. For example, explicitly stating how the discussion of bad news leads to the need for good news can help maintain a cohesive argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the psychological effects of bad news and the inspirational role of good news. The use of examples, like the impact of media on teenage criminals and Vietnam’s recovery, effectively supports these ideas. However, some arguments could be further developed. For instance, the connection between good news and moral education could be elaborated with additional examples or explanations.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on key points with more detailed examples or data. For instance, discussing specific good news stories that have had a positive societal impact could provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of good and bad news in the media. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off course, particularly in the second paragraph when discussing the political situation in Bangladesh. While relevant, the connection to the main argument could be clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly supports the central thesis. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to answering the prompt directly. Additionally, revisiting the main argument at the end of each paragraph can help reinforce relevance.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in balance, clarity, elaboration, and focus, it could achieve an even higher score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, agreeing that the media should report more good news. The organization is generally logical, with a clear division between the arguments for negative and positive news. However, the transition between the two sides could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the negative impacts of bad news to the benefits of good news feels abrupt and could benefit from a more explicit linking statement that prepares the reader for the change in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of paragraphs, such as "Conversely," or "On the other hand," to signal shifts in argument more clearly. Additionally, outlining the main points in the introduction can provide a roadmap for the reader, making it easier to follow the essay’s progression.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first paragraph is quite dense with information, while the second paragraph, although informative, could be expanded to match the complexity of the first.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph contains a similar amount of detail and complexity. You might consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible parts within the paragraphs. For instance, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the psychological impacts of bad news and another discussing its societal consequences.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to structure the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connection between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the transition between sentences discussing the psychological impact of bad news and the example of teenage criminals could be more fluid.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition," and "Consequently." This will not only improve the flow between sentences but also enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help to create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in terms of logical organization, paragraph balance, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument, potentially raising their score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "controversial," "psychologically," "anxieties," and "harassment." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases such as "good news" and "bad news" are repeated without variation, which could detract from the overall quality of the writing. Additionally, some phrases like "upward trend of crime scenes rate" could be expressed more naturally as "increase in crime rates."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should consider using synonyms or more descriptive phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "good news," alternatives like "positive stories," "uplifting news," or "constructive reports" could be employed. The writer should also explore more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "media representation," "psychosocial impact," or "public sentiment."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the upward trend of crime scenes rate" is awkward and imprecise; it would be clearer to say "the rising crime rate." Additionally, the term "coup d’etat" is used incorrectly in this context, as it refers specifically to the overthrow of a government, which may not accurately reflect the writer’s intended meaning regarding media influence.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that the vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and correctness. For example, replacing "the upward trend of crime scenes rate" with "the increase in crime rates" and rephrasing "coup d’etat" to something like "inciting unrest" would enhance clarity. The writer should also consider using context-specific terminology that aligns with the essay’s themes.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, there are instances where spelling issues could lead to confusion, such as "coup d’etat," which is not only a spelling error but also a misuse of the term. Additionally, "mass media" is incorrectly written as "mass media and do not have the ability to filter it," where the phrase could be clearer and more grammatically correct.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring that technical terms are used correctly. Utilizing spell-check tools or asking for peer reviews can also help identify and correct spelling errors before submission. Practicing writing with a focus on correct terminology and spelling in context can further solidify these skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improving the range and precision of vocabulary, along with careful attention to spelling, will help elevate the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "As the long-term consequences, children will be educated in the wrong way when easily absorbing toxic information on mass media and do not have the ability to filter it" is somewhat convoluted and could be simplified or restructured for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more conditional sentences, passive voice constructions, and varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of using "As the long-term consequences," you might say, "As a long-term consequence of this exposure," which clarifies the relationship between the ideas. Additionally, practicing the use of relative clauses could add depth to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, the phrase "the upward trend of crime scenes rate" should be corrected to "the upward trend in crime rates." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion. For example, "the population was incited to overthrow the current government by hostile forces through disseminated information, even though national benefits in the country were still being maintained effectively" could benefit from a clearer structure and punctuation to separate ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. For punctuation, review the rules for using commas in complex sentences and practice breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into effective punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

A controversial topic has emerged regarding how the media should operate. One of the most notable arguments asserts that good news should be covered in the media. I personally concur with this viewpoint and will explain my reasoning in my essay below.

On the one hand, triggering headlines about negative information creates anxiety and depression within society. Psychologically, this type of news, unless managed properly, may keep readers in a state of stress, leading them to experience trauma. As a long-term consequence, children may be misinformed when easily absorbing toxic information from mass media and lack the capacity to filter it, leading to an upward trend in crime rates. For instance, more than 70% of teenage criminals in the US reported that they had viewed terrorist footage and crime scenes on the Internet during their childhood, and confirmed that it shaped their character. Furthermore, bad news serves as a tool for spreading harassment and inciting reactionary communities to overthrow the current government. A prime example is Bangladesh, where the population was incited to overthrow the current government by hostile forces through disseminated information, even though national benefits in the country were still being maintained effectively. Given these drawbacks, it is essential that the media promote more good news.

On the other hand, good news also has a positive impact on society, albeit through a different mechanism. They restore faith in humanity, inspiring moral actions in children to uphold ethical social values, which is the most effective method of educating individuals in modern society and in the context of globalization. Additionally, good news strengthens the belief in the current government, boosting national benefits, from the economy to social welfare quality. For example, Vietnam has recovered from two fierce wars, and the first and ultimate goal of the government was to protect people from the misinterpretations of enemy forces, strongly fining and prosecuting any individual who attempted to spread false information, resulting in it becoming one of the fastest-developing countries in the world.

In conclusion, I believe that more stories of good news can positively affect education, moral behavior, and strengthen the faith of society and government, while reducing crime rates and the possibility of harassment activities.