The migration of people to cities is one of the biggest problems facing the world’s cities today. Discuss the main causes. What solutions could be used to tackle the situation?
The migration of people to cities is one of the biggest problems facing the world’s cities today.
Discuss the main causes. What solutions could be used to tackle the situation?
In contemporary society, there is a growing trend of city migration. Several factors contribute to this, such as more extensive employment opportunities and diverse experiences. These causes will be explained in this essay, and specific solutions will be recommended to tackle this problem.
On the one hand, there are some primary factors for this phenomenon. To begin with, many people seeking financial stability to support their livelihood, metropolitan regions can meet the demands of these individuals due to modernization and industrialization. This helps them have well-compensated positions that it allows them to access advanced technologies and enhance their living standards.
However, not only do they need working and earning capabilities, mastered communication level also plays a crucial role in their choice. Through the social interactions in cities, they can develop a wide range of personalities, expand their comprehension and raise awareness about other social issues. As a consequence, more and more villagers are being attracted by the opportunities offered in upscale and affluent municipalities. For instance, in Vietnam, the government always optimizes major cities like Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City, which boast historic significance, stunning landscapes and modern entertainment options as theaters and amusement parks. Undoubtedly, these cities offer a more appealing alternative instead remaining in impoverished rural areas.
On the other hand, there are practical initiatives to alleviate the rate of urban migration. First and foremost, it is advisable to educate individuals about the challenges associated with urbanization since it can broadens their horizons. For example, organizing numerous extracurricular programs can be an effective measure. Furthermore, governments should collaborate with local authorities in innovating the quality of infrastructure and facilities. In other words, this involves improving accommodations and increasing investment in essential services, including the medical and educational system which are fundamental societal conditions. As a result, these sophisticated improvements can retain resident's attention by providing them with greater opportunities and resources in order to continue contributing to the comprehensive development of their communities.
In conclusion, there are many causes of this migration, which are generally common in our current society, such as socioeconomic and living conditions. By offering suitable solutions through financial investments and social guidance, these issues can be effectively addressed. Therefore, this significantly acknowledges the cooperation between citizens and seniors to bridge inequalities and reduce discrimination.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In contemporary society" -> "In modern society"
Explanation: "Contemporary" can be replaced with "modern" to maintain a more straightforward and commonly used term in academic writing, enhancing clarity and readability. -
"growing trend of city migration" -> "increasing trend of urban migration"
Explanation: "Urban migration" is a more precise term than "city migration," which is less specific and less commonly used in academic contexts. -
"more extensive employment opportunities" -> "broader employment opportunities"
Explanation: "Broader" is more precise and academically appropriate than "more extensive," which can be vague and less formal. -
"diverse experiences" -> "varied experiences"
Explanation: "Varied" is a more formal and precise term than "diverse," which can be somewhat colloquial in this context. -
"will be explained in this essay" -> "will be discussed in this essay"
Explanation: "Discussed" is more appropriate in academic writing than "explained," as it implies a more nuanced and analytical approach. -
"primary factors for this phenomenon" -> "primary factors contributing to this phenomenon"
Explanation: Adding "contributing to" clarifies the relationship between the factors and the phenomenon, enhancing the academic tone. -
"metropolitan regions can meet the demands of these individuals" -> "metropolitan regions can satisfy the needs of these individuals"
Explanation: "Satisfy the needs" is a more precise and formal expression than "meet the demands," which is slightly less formal. -
"well-compensated positions that it allows them" -> "well-compensated positions that enable them"
Explanation: "Enable" is more precise and formal than "allows," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context. -
"mastered communication level" -> "adequate communication skills"
Explanation: "Adequate communication skills" is a more specific and formal term than "mastered communication level," which is awkward and unclear. -
"develop a wide range of personalities" -> "develop a diverse range of personalities"
Explanation: "Diverse" is more appropriate than "wide range" in this context, as it specifically refers to the variety of personalities, which is more precise. -
"upscale and affluent municipalities" -> "affluent and upscale municipalities"
Explanation: "Affluent" is typically used to describe wealth, making it more suitable in this context than "upscale," which can be less formal. -
"remaining in impoverished rural areas" -> "remaining in rural areas with limited resources"
Explanation: "Rural areas with limited resources" is a more precise and formal way to describe the conditions, avoiding the emotional connotation of "impoverished." -
"educate individuals about the challenges associated with urbanization" -> "inform individuals about the challenges associated with urbanization"
Explanation: "Inform" is more neutral and academically appropriate than "educate," which can imply a more formal or structured learning process. -
"can broadens their horizons" -> "can broaden their horizons"
Explanation: Correcting the verb form from "broadens" to "broaden" for grammatical accuracy. -
"collaborate with local authorities in innovating the quality of infrastructure and facilities" -> "collaborate with local authorities to improve the quality of infrastructure and facilities"
Explanation: "To improve" is a clearer and more direct verb phrase than "in innovating," which is awkward and less commonly used in this context. -
"increasing investment in essential services, including the medical and educational system" -> "increasing investment in essential services, such as the healthcare and education systems"
Explanation: "Such as" is more precise and formal than "including," and "healthcare and education systems" are more specific and formal terms than "medical and educational system." -
"retain resident’s attention" -> "retain residents’ attention"
Explanation: Correcting the possessive form from "resident’s" to "residents’" to match the plural subject "residents." -
"acknowledges the cooperation between citizens and seniors" -> "acknowledges the cooperation between citizens and residents"
Explanation: "Residents" is a more appropriate term than "seniors," which is typically used to refer to older adults, not all individuals in a community.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively identifies and discusses the main causes of urban migration, such as employment opportunities and social interactions. It also proposes solutions, including education about urban challenges and improvements in infrastructure. However, while the causes are addressed, the solutions could be more specific and directly linked to the problems identified. For instance, the mention of "educating individuals about the challenges associated with urbanization" lacks detail on how this education would be implemented or its expected impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each solution is explicitly tied to the corresponding cause. For example, if discussing employment opportunities as a cause, the essay could suggest specific job creation initiatives or training programs designed to improve skills in rural areas, thereby reducing the need for migration.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position regarding the causes and solutions of urban migration. However, the transition between discussing causes and solutions could be more seamless. The phrase "On the other hand" is somewhat abrupt and does not clearly indicate a shift from causes to solutions, which could confuse the reader about the overall stance.
- How to improve: The writer should use clearer transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, using "In response to these challenges" before introducing solutions would help clarify the relationship between the identified problems and the proposed actions.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the causes of migration and potential solutions. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the essay mentions the appeal of cities like Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City, it does not delve into specific statistics or studies that illustrate the extent of migration or the effectiveness of proposed solutions.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should include more concrete examples and data to support claims. For instance, citing specific statistics about migration rates or referencing successful case studies of urban planning initiatives would provide a stronger foundation for the arguments made.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes and solutions related to urban migration. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly vague, particularly in the conclusion, where the mention of "cooperation between citizens and seniors" introduces a new concept that is not clearly linked to the previous arguments.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all parts of the essay directly relate back to the main prompt. The conclusion should summarize the key points made in the essay without introducing new ideas. A more effective conclusion would reiterate the main causes and solutions discussed, reinforcing the overall argument without diverging into unrelated topics.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher score in the Task Response criteria.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes, and a section on solutions. The logical flow is generally effective, as the causes are presented before the solutions, which aligns with the essay prompt. However, some points within the paragraphs could be better connected. For instance, the transition from discussing employment opportunities to communication skills feels abrupt, lacking a clear link that would enhance the reader’s understanding of how these factors interrelate.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing employment opportunities, you could add a sentence like, "In addition to financial stability, the social environment in cities also plays a significant role in attracting migrants." This would create a smoother transition and clarify the relationship between the points.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, which helps the reader follow the argument. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided to distinguish between the causes and the examples provided, as it currently combines multiple ideas in a single paragraph, making it slightly convoluted.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the second body paragraph into two: one focusing on the factors influencing migration and the other providing specific examples, such as the mention of Vietnam’s cities. This would improve clarity and allow each point to be developed more fully, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "However," and "For example," which help guide the reader through the argument. Nevertheless, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. Some sentences feel repetitive in their structure, and the use of conjunctions could be more varied to enhance fluidity.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "first and foremost," you could alternate with phrases like "To begin with," "Additionally," or "Moreover." This would not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, addressing the highlighted areas for improvement will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of urban migration. Words such as "contemporary society," "financial stability," "modernization," and "affluent municipalities" indicate a solid grasp of academic language. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "growing trend of city migration" could be enhanced by using synonyms or related terms like "urban influx" or "metropolitan migration."
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. This can be achieved by brainstorming alternative phrases before writing and using a thesaurus to explore different vocabulary options. Additionally, practicing writing with prompts that require diverse vocabulary can help in this regard.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "well-compensated positions" and "advanced technologies," which effectively convey the intended meaning. However, there are also instances of imprecise usage, such as "mastered communication level," which is awkward and unclear. The phrase could be more accurately expressed as "proficient communication skills." Additionally, "broadens their horizons" in the context of educating individuals about urbanization is somewhat vague and could be more specific.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. Reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that terms accurately reflect the intended meaning is crucial. Engaging in exercises that emphasize the importance of context in vocabulary selection can also be beneficial.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with few errors. However, there are minor issues, such as "broadens" in the phrase "it can broadens their horizons," which should be corrected to "broaden." Additionally, "resident’s attention" should be "residents’ attention" to indicate plural possession correctly.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should make a habit of proofreading their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked during silent reading. Furthermore, practicing commonly misspelled words and engaging in spelling exercises can enhance overall spelling proficiency.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary suitable for an IELTS Task 2 essay, there are areas for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "not only do they need working and earning capabilities, mastered communication level also plays a crucial role" showcases an attempt to use inversion for emphasis. However, some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly constructed, such as "This helps them have well-compensated positions that it allows them to access advanced technologies," which could confuse readers due to its unclear structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of sentence types more fluidly. For example, breaking down overly complex sentences into clearer, more concise statements can improve readability. Additionally, incorporating more varied conjunctions and transitional phrases can help in linking ideas more effectively, such as using "Moreover," or "In addition," to introduce new points.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "which boast historic significance, stunning landscapes and modern entertainment options as theaters and amusement parks" lacks parallel structure and clarity. Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, can lead to misinterpretation. The sentence "By offering suitable solutions through financial investments and social guidance, these issues can be effectively addressed" could be misread due to its structure, as it suggests that "these issues" are the subject of the first clause, which is not the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that modifiers are placed correctly to avoid ambiguity. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on complex sentence structures, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, especially in longer sentences, can help clarify meaning and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Using tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting these issues.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a range of ideas, focusing on refining sentence structures and correcting grammatical inaccuracies will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary society, there is an increasing trend of urban migration. Several factors contribute to this phenomenon, such as broader employment opportunities and varied experiences. These causes will be discussed in this essay, along with specific solutions that could be implemented to tackle this issue.
On the one hand, there are some primary factors contributing to this phenomenon. To begin with, many individuals seek financial stability to support their livelihoods, and metropolitan regions can satisfy the needs of these individuals due to modernization and industrialization. This enables them to secure well-compensated positions that allow access to advanced technologies and enhance their living standards. However, not only do they require working and earning capabilities, but also adequate communication skills play a crucial role in their decision-making process. Through social interactions in cities, they can develop a diverse range of personalities, expand their understanding, and raise awareness about various social issues. As a consequence, an increasing number of villagers are attracted to the opportunities offered in affluent and upscale municipalities. For instance, in Vietnam, the government continually optimizes major cities like Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City, which boast historic significance, stunning landscapes, and modern entertainment options such as theaters and amusement parks. Undoubtedly, these cities present a more appealing alternative to remaining in rural areas with limited resources.
On the other hand, there are practical initiatives to alleviate the rate of urban migration. First and foremost, it is advisable to inform individuals about the challenges associated with urbanization, as this can broaden their horizons. For example, organizing numerous extracurricular programs can be an effective measure. Furthermore, governments should collaborate with local authorities to improve the quality of infrastructure and facilities. This involves enhancing accommodations and increasing investment in essential services, such as healthcare and education systems, which are fundamental societal conditions. As a result, these improvements can retain residents’ attention by providing them with greater opportunities and resources, allowing them to continue contributing to the comprehensive development of their communities.
In conclusion, there are many causes of this migration, which are generally prevalent in our modern society, such as socioeconomic factors and living conditions. By offering suitable solutions through financial investments and social guidance, these issues can be effectively addressed. Therefore, this acknowledges the cooperation between citizens and local authorities to bridge inequalities and reduce discrimination.