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The migration of people to cities is one of the biggest problems facing the world’s cities today. Discuss the main causes.What solutions could be used to tackle the situation?

The migration of people to cities is one of the biggest problems facing the world's cities today.
Discuss the main causes.What solutions could be used to tackle the situation?

In this day and age, there is an increasing trend of urban migration. Several factors contribute to this, such as greater employment options and better social services. These causes will be explained hereafter, and specific solutions will be recommended to tackle this problem.

On the one hand, there are some primary causes for this phenomenon.To begin with, many individuals seeking a stable income to make a living, urban areas are highly suggested due to modernization and industrialization. Thus, they can access advanced technologies, higher living standards and well-compensated positions. Indeed, not only do they need working and earning capabilities, but medical and educational demands also play a crucial role in their choices.By experiencing in various ways, they can develop a wide range of personalities, enrich their knowledge and also raise awareness about other social issues. With this in mind, more and more rural inhabitants draw attention to growth centres in both upscale and affluent municipalities. For instance, in Vietnam, the government always concentrates significantly on famous capitals like Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City since they have historic values, opener career chances and the most contemporary entertainments, a more attractive alternative instead of staying in less developed areas. Consequently, it brings about a remarkable decline in the resident population, which is one of the most popular reasons why it contributes to the acceleration of urbanization.

After having established the reasons for urban migration, it is essential to explore potential solutions to reduce the rate of urban migration. First and foremost, it is advisable to educate people about the drawbacks of this tendency. Promoting and operating numerous extracurricular activities are the optimal measures. Moreover, governments and local councils need to collaborate to encourage people to return by innovating the quality of infrastructure. In other words, they should renovate accommodations and invest in workplace improvements, even for different aspects of life as all of these factors are fundamentally societal conditions and have a strong correlation. These enhancements can hold the resident's attention, and their home will be able to be more livable. Therefore, rural areas will become prosperous places because they distribute wealth and are inclusive for most residents. As a result, a sophisticated development may occur in that region sooner or later.

In conclusion, there are many causes of this migration, which are generally common in our current society, such as economic and living conditions. Provided that they offer a number of suitable solutions to deal with this, with financial investments and social guidance. This means that should citizens and seniors cooperate, gaps and discriminations will not be as problematic anymore.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In this day and age" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: "Currently" is a more concise and formal alternative to the colloquial phrase "In this day and age," which is better suited for academic writing.

  2. "greater employment options" -> "more extensive employment opportunities"
    Explanation: "More extensive employment opportunities" is a more precise and formal way to describe the variety of job choices available.

  3. "better social services" -> "enhanced social services"
    Explanation: "Enhanced" is a more specific and formal term than "better," which is vague and informal.

  4. "will be explained hereafter" -> "will be discussed subsequently"
    Explanation: "Will be discussed subsequently" is a more formal and precise way to indicate that the explanation will follow later in the text.

  5. "primary causes" -> "principal causes"
    Explanation: "Principal causes" is a more formal term than "primary causes," aligning better with academic style.

  6. "many individuals seeking a stable income to make a living" -> "numerous individuals seeking stable income to sustain themselves"
    Explanation: "Numerous individuals seeking stable income to sustain themselves" is more formal and precise, avoiding the redundancy of "to make a living."

  7. "urban areas are highly suggested" -> "urban areas are highly recommended"
    Explanation: "Recommended" is the correct term for suggesting something as a choice or option, whereas "suggested" is less formal and can imply a casual recommendation.

  8. "not only do they need working and earning capabilities" -> "they not only require working and earning capabilities"
    Explanation: "Require" is more formal than "need," and rephrasing the sentence improves the flow and clarity.

  9. "By experiencing in various ways" -> "By experiencing various aspects"
    Explanation: "Experiencing various aspects" is grammatically correct and more precise than the awkward and incorrect "experiencing in various ways."

  10. "a more attractive alternative" -> "a more attractive option"
    Explanation: "Option" is the correct term for choices or alternatives in formal writing, whereas "alternative" can be vague.

  11. "less developed areas" -> "less developed regions"
    Explanation: "Regions" is a more formal and precise term than "areas" in this context, referring to larger geographic areas.

  12. "it brings about a remarkable decline" -> "this leads to a significant decline"
    Explanation: "This leads to a significant decline" is more direct and formal, avoiding the passive construction "it brings about."

  13. "it is advisable to educate people" -> "it is recommended that people be educated"
    Explanation: "It is recommended that people be educated" is a more formal and precise way to suggest an action.

  14. "Promoting and operating numerous extracurricular activities" -> "Promoting and implementing numerous extracurricular programs"
    Explanation: "Implementing" is more specific and formal than "operating," and "programs" is more appropriate than "activities" in this context.

  15. "hold the resident’s attention" -> "retain the residents’ interest"
    Explanation: "Retain the residents’ interest" is more formal and accurate, as "hold attention" is somewhat informal and vague.

  16. "their home will be able to be more livable" -> "their homes will become more livable"
    Explanation: "Will become more livable" is a more direct and formal expression, avoiding the awkward construction "will be able to be."

  17. "Provided that they offer a number of suitable solutions" -> "Providing that they offer a range of suitable solutions"
    Explanation: "Providing that" is more formal and appropriate for conditional statements in academic writing, and "range" is more precise than "number."

  18. "with financial investments and social guidance" -> "through financial investments and social guidance"
    Explanation: "Through" is more appropriate than "with" in this context, indicating the means by which the solutions are implemented.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively identifies several causes of urban migration, such as economic opportunities and social services, and proposes solutions like education on the drawbacks of urbanization and improvements in rural infrastructure. However, while the causes are discussed, the solutions could be more explicitly linked to the identified causes, which would enhance the overall coherence of the response. For example, while the essay mentions educating people about the drawbacks of migration, it does not elaborate on how this education could be implemented or its potential effectiveness.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should clearly connect each proposed solution to the specific causes discussed. For instance, if the cause is the lack of job opportunities in rural areas, the solution could include specific job creation strategies that could be implemented in those areas.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position regarding the issues of urban migration and the need for solutions. However, the conclusion introduces some ambiguity by stating that "gaps and discriminations will not be as problematic anymore," which could confuse readers about the overall stance on the effectiveness of the proposed solutions. The position could be more assertively stated throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that their position is reiterated in the conclusion and that all arguments consistently support this position. Using phrases that reinforce the main argument throughout the essay can help maintain a clear stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a range of ideas regarding the causes and solutions to urban migration. However, some ideas lack sufficient development and support. For example, the mention of "extracurricular activities" as a solution is vague and not well explained. The essay would benefit from more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made, particularly in the solutions section.
    • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate the effectiveness of the proposed solutions. Additionally, expanding on the implications of each cause and solution can help deepen the analysis and provide a more robust argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on urban migration and its causes and solutions. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly tangential, particularly when discussing the benefits of urban living without directly linking them back to the solutions for rural areas.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the central question of urban migration. This can be achieved by consistently referencing the prompt throughout the essay and ensuring that every paragraph contributes to answering the question posed.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, but it would benefit from clearer connections between causes and solutions, more specific examples, and a more assertive position throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are divided into causes and solutions, which is a clear organizational choice. However, within the body paragraphs, the flow could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing causes to solutions could be more explicit, perhaps with a clearer topic sentence that signals this shift. The use of phrases like "on the one hand" and "after having established" helps guide the reader, but there could be more explicit connections between ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, linking sentences that explicitly connect the causes to the solutions would help the reader follow the argument more seamlessly. For instance, after discussing the causes of urban migration, a sentence like "Given these challenges, it is crucial to explore effective solutions" could serve as a better transition.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with a clear distinction between causes and solutions. Each paragraph contains multiple sentences that elaborate on the main idea. However, some paragraphs are quite dense, which may hinder readability. For instance, the first body paragraph could be broken down into smaller paragraphs to better manage the flow of information and avoid overwhelming the reader with too many ideas at once.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, aim for a more balanced approach by breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones that focus on a single idea or aspect. For example, the first body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on economic reasons for migration and the other on social factors. This would enhance clarity and allow for a more focused discussion of each point.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "moreover," and "as a result," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For instance, the use of synonyms or phrases that refer back to previously mentioned ideas could enhance cohesion. Additionally, some sentences could benefit from clearer connections, as in the case of the phrase "these enhancements can hold the resident’s attention," which could be better linked to the preceding ideas about rural improvements.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more synonyms and referring expressions to avoid repetition and enhance flow. For example, instead of repeatedly using "urban migration," you could use "this trend" or "the movement to cities" in subsequent references. Additionally, using more varied transition phrases, such as "in addition," "consequently," or "on the contrary," can help create smoother transitions between ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, focusing on clearer transitions, improved paragraph structure, and a broader range of cohesive devices will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of urban migration. Terms such as "urban migration," "modernization," "industrialization," "infrastructure," and "sophisticated development" showcase a good grasp of the subject matter. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "better social services" could be expanded to include terms like "enhanced public amenities" or "improved welfare systems" to avoid repetition and demonstrate a broader lexical range.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary diversity, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Creating a list of vocabulary related to urban migration and its causes and solutions could help in identifying alternative expressions to use in similar contexts.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, there are moments of imprecision that may confuse the reader. For instance, the phrase "draw attention to growth centres" could be interpreted ambiguously; it might be clearer to say "migrate towards growth centres" to specify the action of moving. Additionally, the term "opener career chances" appears to be a typographical error or a misphrasing, as "broader career opportunities" would convey the intended meaning more effectively.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should review their vocabulary choices and ensure that each term accurately reflects the intended meaning. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases or unclear expressions. Furthermore, using a thesaurus to find more precise alternatives can enhance clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally high level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. However, the phrase "opener career chances" likely contains a spelling or grammatical mistake, as "opener" does not fit the context. This could detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and phrases. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay backwards (from the end to the beginning) can help catch errors that might be overlooked during regular reading.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. By expanding vocabulary range, improving precision, and ensuring spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "By experiencing in various ways, they can develop a wide range of personalities, enrich their knowledge and also raise awareness about other social issues." This complexity adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "urban areas are highly suggested due to modernization and industrialization," which could be rephrased for clarity. The essay also employs some effective transitional phrases, such as "On the one hand" and "After having established the reasons," which help in organizing ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied conjunctions and relative clauses. For example, instead of saying "many individuals seeking a stable income to make a living," the writer could use a relative clause: "many individuals who seek a stable income find urban areas appealing." Additionally, practicing the use of inversion and conditional sentences could further diversify the sentence structures.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall quality. For example, the phrase "there are some primary causes for this phenomenon.To begin with," lacks a space after the period. Furthermore, the sentence "Indeed, not only do they need working and earning capabilities, but medical and educational demands also play a crucial role in their choices" is grammatically correct but could be clearer if restructured. The useof commas is inconsistent; for instance, there should be a comma before "which is one of the most popular reasons" for clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for minor errors, particularly with punctuation and spacing. Additionally, reviewing the rules for subject-verb agreement and ensuring that clauses are clearly connected would enhance clarity. It may also be beneficial to practice writing sentences that combine multiple ideas using correct punctuation to avoid run-on sentences or comma splices.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, but attention to detail in grammar and punctuation, as well as further diversification of sentence structures, would help elevate the score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, there is an increasing trend of urban migration. Several factors contribute to this, such as more extensive employment opportunities and enhanced social services. These principal causes will be discussed subsequently, along with specific solutions to tackle this problem.

On the one hand, there are some primary causes for this phenomenon. To begin with, numerous individuals seeking stable income to sustain themselves find urban areas highly recommended due to modernization and industrialization. Thus, they can access advanced technologies, higher living standards, and well-compensated positions. Indeed, they not only require working and earning capabilities, but medical and educational demands also play a crucial role in their choices. By experiencing various aspects of urban life, they can develop a wide range of personalities, enrich their knowledge, and raise awareness about other social issues. With this in mind, more and more rural inhabitants are drawn to growth centres in both upscale and affluent municipalities. For instance, in Vietnam, the government consistently concentrates on prominent capitals like Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City, as they offer historic values, broader career opportunities, and the most contemporary entertainment options, making them a more attractive option compared to staying in less developed regions. Consequently, this leads to a significant decline in the resident population in rural areas, which is one of the most popular reasons contributing to the acceleration of urbanization.

After establishing the reasons for urban migration, it is essential to explore potential solutions to reduce the rate of this trend. First and foremost, it is recommended that people be educated about the drawbacks of urban migration. Promoting and implementing numerous extracurricular programs are optimal measures. Moreover, governments and local councils need to collaborate to encourage people to return by enhancing the quality of infrastructure. In other words, they should renovate accommodations and invest in workplace improvements, as all of these factors fundamentally relate to societal conditions. These enhancements can retain the residents’ interest, making their homes more livable. Therefore, rural areas will become prosperous places, distributing wealth and being inclusive for most residents. As a result, sophisticated development may occur in these regions sooner or later.

In conclusion, there are many causes of this migration, which are generally common in our current society, such as economic and living conditions. Providing that they offer a range of suitable solutions to address this issue, through financial investments and social guidance, it is likely that gaps and discriminations will not be as problematic anymore if citizens and authorities cooperate effectively.

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