The most effective measure to solve the problem of traffic congestion in cities is heavier punishments for violations of traffic rules. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The most effective measure to solve the problem of traffic congestion in cities is heavier punishments for violations of traffic rules.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believed that the most efficient way to solve the matter of traffic congestions in urban areas is stronger punishment for breaking traffic rules. From my point of view, I partly disagree with this opinion for following reasons.

On the one hand, it is understandable that people are afraid of getting tickets from the police officers. However, in a many nations, the amount of money they have to charge for their mistakes is too low to make them not reapeating again. They continue making bad decisions while being in traffic and it leads to a load of hazadous accidents for the others. Ergo, heavier punishments are crucial to reduce traffic problems. One of the most prominent illustrations is that the goverment of Viet Nam increased the amount of fines for violating traffic rules, which has sucessfully changed the behaviors of drivers.

On the other hand, especially in developing countries, the infrastructures of the city is also a big concern. There is a great number of who have come to there to look forward to getting a higher salary. That can lead to over-population so the roads are no longer enough for everyone. For instances, the road where I am currently living is always full of vehicles such as motorbikes, cars and taxies in 7 a.m and it continue cramped like that till aroung 10 p.m. Additionally, the quality the road is so bad because of being used extremely for a long time. Their faces are so unstable which become one of the unintentional factors of traffic accidents. Therefore, the goverment has to take action seriously about fixing and improving their transportation system.

In conclusion, while making the punishment for breaking traffic rules stronger is essential, the goverments also have to improve their transportation systems.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Many people believed" -> "Many people believe"
   Explanation: The verb tense should be consistent throughout the essay. Using the present tense "believe" aligns better with the ongoing discussion and avoids the past tense "believed," which is less appropriate for a general statement about ongoing beliefs.

2. "stronger punishment" -> "more stringent penalties"
   Explanation: "More stringent penalties" is a more precise and formal term than "stronger punishment," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.

3. "for following reasons" -> "for the following reasons"
   Explanation: Adding "the" before "following reasons" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

4. "in a many nations" -> "in many nations"
   Explanation: "In a many nations" is grammatically incorrect. The correct phrase should be "in many nations," which is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone.

5. "not reapeating again" -> "not repeating again"
   Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "reapeating" to "repeating," ensuring accuracy and professionalism in the text.

6. "load of hazadous accidents" -> "number of hazardous accidents"
   Explanation: "Load" is incorrectly used here; "number" is the correct term to quantify accidents. Also, "hazadous" is a spelling error; it should be "hazardous."

7. "heavier punishments" -> "more severe penalties"
   Explanation: "More severe penalties" is a more precise and formal way to describe the increased severity of punishments, fitting better in an academic context.

8. "the goverment of Viet Nam" -> "the government of Vietnam"
   Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "goverment" to "government" and "Viet Nam" to "Vietnam," adhering to the standard spelling and capitalization for country names.

9. "has sucessfully changed" -> "has successfully changed"
   Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "sucessfully" to "successfully," ensuring the text is free of typos and maintains professionalism.

10. "especially in developing countries, the infrastructures of the city is" -> "especially in developing countries, the city’s infrastructure"
    Explanation: "The infrastructures of the city" is awkward and incorrect; "the city’s infrastructure" is the correct and more natural way to express this idea.

11. "There is a great number of who have come to there" -> "There are many who have come to these cities"
    Explanation: "There is a great number of who have come to there" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "There are many who have come to these cities" corrects these issues and clarifies the meaning.

12. "For instances" -> "For example"
    Explanation: "For instances" is not a standard phrase; "For example" is the correct term used to introduce an illustration or example in formal writing.

13. "it continue cramped like that till aroung 10 p.m." -> "it remains congested until around 10 p.m."
    Explanation: "Continue cramped like that till aroung 10 p.m." is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Remains congested until around 10 p.m." corrects these issues and uses more precise language.

14. "Their faces are so unstable which become one of the unintentional factors of traffic accidents." -> "Their unstable faces, which become one of the unintentional factors of traffic accidents."
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammatical structure.

15. "the goverments" -> "the governments"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "goverments" to "governments," ensuring the text is free of typos and maintains professionalism.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the argument for heavier punishments and the counterargument regarding infrastructure issues. The introduction clearly states the writer’s partial disagreement, which is a good start. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides. The first body paragraph focuses heavily on the need for stricter punishments, while the second paragraph, although relevant, could provide a clearer link back to the main argument of the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are explored more equally. This could involve dedicating a paragraph to discussing the effectiveness of punishments and another to the importance of infrastructure, while consistently linking back to how these factors interplay in solving traffic congestion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The position is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the clarity of the position could be improved. Phrases like "partly disagree" can create ambiguity. The essay does not consistently reinforce this stance throughout, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the focus shifts to infrastructure without a clear connection to the position on punishments.
  • How to improve: The writer should explicitly state how each point relates back to their overall position. For instance, when discussing infrastructure, they could clarify how improving it complements the need for stricter punishments, thereby reinforcing their stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the effectiveness of increased fines in Vietnam, but lacks depth in elaboration and support. The examples provided are somewhat vague and could be strengthened with more specific data or studies. The second body paragraph introduces valid points about infrastructure but lacks concrete examples or statistics to support these claims.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should provide more detailed examples and evidence for their claims. For instance, they could include statistics on traffic accidents related to poor infrastructure or cite studies that show the impact of fines on driver behavior. This would enhance the persuasiveness of their arguments.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic, addressing traffic congestion and the measures to combat it. However, the second body paragraph diverges slightly by focusing more on infrastructure without clearly tying it back to the central argument of punishments. This could confuse readers about the main focus of the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. They could preface the discussion of infrastructure with a statement that connects it to the effectiveness of punishments, thereby maintaining a cohesive argument throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness of their essay, potentially raising their band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the writer’s stance, and each body paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing punishments to infrastructure issues feels somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that connects these two points logically.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For instance, after discussing the need for heavier punishments, a sentence like "However, it is also important to address the underlying infrastructure issues that contribute to traffic congestion" could serve as a bridge to the next paragraph.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the first paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, as the current opening sentence is somewhat vague.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly state the main point. For example, the first paragraph could begin with, "One significant approach to alleviating traffic congestion is to impose stricter penalties for traffic violations." This would provide a clearer framework for the argument that follows.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate contrasting ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be improved. For example, phrases like "For instances" and "Additionally" are used, but they could be more varied to enhance the essay’s overall cohesion.
  • How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Incorporate phrases such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In contrast" to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that all cohesive devices are used correctly; for instance, "For instance" should be "For instance" (singular) and should be followed by a specific example.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, enhancing its overall clarity and effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "traffic congestion," "punishment," and "infrastructure." However, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "traffic rules" and "traffic problems," which could be varied to enhance the lexical diversity. Additionally, phrases like "the most efficient way" and "stronger punishment" are somewhat basic and could be replaced with more sophisticated alternatives.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeating "traffic rules," you could use "road regulations" or "driving laws." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary such as "penalties," "infringements," or "urban mobility" could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices are imprecise or incorrect, which can lead to confusion. For instance, "the amount of money they have to charge for their mistakes" could be more accurately phrased as "the fines imposed for violations." The phrase "a load of hazardous accidents" is also awkward; "a number of hazardous accidents" would be more appropriate. Furthermore, "the infrastructures of the city" should be "the infrastructure of the city," as "infrastructure" is an uncountable noun.
  • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that conveys your ideas clearly and accurately. Reviewing common collocations and phrases related to traffic and urban planning can help. For example, instead of "the amount of money," you could say "the financial penalties." Additionally, ensure that nouns are used correctly in terms of countability.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "congestions" (should be "congestion"), "reapeating" (should be "repeating"), "hazadous" (should be "hazardous"), "goverment" (should be "government"), "sucessfully" (should be "successfully"), "aroung" (should be "around"), and "taxies" (should be "taxis"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can affect clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review your essay with fresh eyes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch errors. Regularly practicing spelling difficult words and keeping a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the overall quality of the essay can be significantly improved, potentially leading to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduce contrasting ideas. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive. The use of phrases such as "it is understandable that" and "there is a great number of" shows an attempt at complexity, but these could be expanded further.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the amount of money they have to charge for their mistakes is too low," you could say, "Although the amount of money charged for their mistakes is low, it fails to deter repeat offenders." Additionally, varying the placement of clauses can enhance the flow and readability of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "the matter of traffic congestions" should be "the matter of traffic congestion," as "congestion" is an uncountable noun. The phrase "in a many nations" is incorrect; it should be "in many nations." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences and incorrect use of "who" in "there is a great number of who have come." These errors can confuse the reader and disrupt the flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review the rules for noun usage, subject-verb agreement, and relative clauses. Practicing sentence construction and seeking feedback on specific grammatical points can also be beneficial. For punctuation, familiarize yourself with the rules regarding commas, especially in compound and complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking or where sentences may be awkwardly constructed.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and structure, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and addressing grammatical and punctuation errors will significantly improve the score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people believe that the most effective way to solve the issue of traffic congestion in urban areas is to impose more stringent penalties for breaking traffic rules. From my perspective, I partly disagree with this opinion for the following reasons.

On the one hand, it is understandable that people are apprehensive about receiving tickets from police officers. However, in many nations, the fines for their infractions are too low to deter them from repeating their mistakes. They continue to make poor decisions while driving, which leads to a number of hazardous accidents for others. Therefore, heavier punishments are crucial to reducing traffic problems. One of the most prominent illustrations is that the government of Vietnam increased the amount of fines for violating traffic rules, which has successfully changed the behaviors of drivers.

On the other hand, especially in developing countries, the city’s infrastructure is also a significant concern. There are many who have come to these cities in search of better job opportunities, which can lead to overpopulation, making the roads insufficient for everyone. For example, the road where I currently live is always congested with vehicles such as motorbikes, cars, and taxis at 7 a.m., and it remains congested until around 10 p.m. Additionally, the quality of the roads is poor due to extensive use over a long period. Their unstable faces, which become one of the unintentional factors contributing to traffic accidents, highlight the need for improvement. Therefore, the governments must take serious action to fix and enhance their transportation systems.

In conclusion, while imposing more severe penalties for breaking traffic rules is essential, the governments also need to focus on improving their transportation systems.