The most effective way to make crime rates go down is by giving the police more power. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is believed that increasing the power of the police is the best approach to reducing the crime rate. However, I partially disagree with this perspective. I believe that addressing the root causes of crime and investing in educational programs are more effective strategies for achieving long-term reductions in crime.

The argument that gives the police more power is reasonable to some extent. One of which is resource allocation. More funding and resources allow for additional training and better technology and devices such as surveillance cameras or data analysis to catch criminals and discourage criminal activity. Another reason is rapid response. Increasing police authority means allowing for faster decision-making in emergencies preventing crimes from escalating further and potentially saving lives.

Nevertheless, there are a variety of reasons why I also believe other approaches can be more efficient. The first main point is addressing the root causes of crime. Poverty, poor mental health, and lack of education are some of the reasons that drive some individuals to criminal activities. Investing in community resources to address root causes of crime and alleviate these issues. Another justification is that organizing social and educational programs can enhance public safety. Informing communities on how to avoid falling victim to crimes such as scams or identity theft and how to stay safe through educational programs and social engagement can lead to a decline in crimes.

In conclusion, although with a more powerful workforce, police can help mitigate the crime rate problem effectively, I believe that other methods such as addressing underlying issues and social programs are more sustainable and efficient solutions.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is believed that" -> "It is widely acknowledged that"
Explanation: "It is widely acknowledged that" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the introduction, indicating a broader consensus among experts or scholars.
"increasing the power of the police" -> "enhancing the authority of law enforcement"
Explanation: "Enhancing the authority of law enforcement" is a more specific and formal term that accurately describes the intended action, avoiding the vague and potentially misleading term "power."
"I partially disagree" -> "I partially disagree with this perspective"
Explanation: Adding "with this perspective" clarifies that the disagreement is specifically with the given viewpoint, enhancing clarity and formality.
"addressing the root causes of crime" -> "addressing the underlying causes of criminal behavior"
Explanation: "Underlying causes of criminal behavior" is a more precise and academically appropriate term that focuses on the specific aspect of crime, enhancing the specificity and formality of the language.
"investing in educational programs" -> "investing in educational initiatives"
Explanation: "Initiatives" is a more formal term than "programs," which aligns better with academic writing standards.
"resource allocation" -> "resource distribution"
Explanation: "Resource distribution" is a more precise term in the context of allocating resources to different areas or purposes, fitting better in an academic discussion.
"better technology and devices" -> "advanced technologies and equipment"
Explanation: "Advanced technologies and equipment" is more specific and formal, suitable for an academic context discussing law enforcement tools.
"rapid response" -> "swift response"
Explanation: "Swift response" is a more formal synonym for "rapid response," which is commonly used in academic and professional contexts.
"preventing crimes from escalating further" -> "preventing the escalation of crimes"
Explanation: "Preventing the escalation of crimes" is a more formal and concise way to express the idea, improving the academic tone.
"poor mental health" -> "mental health issues"
Explanation: "Mental health issues" is a more formal and precise term that avoids the colloquialism of "poor mental health."
"lack of education" -> "insufficient education"
Explanation: "Insufficient education" is a more formal and precise term that better captures the intended meaning in an academic context.
"organizing social and educational programs" -> "implementing social and educational initiatives"
Explanation: "Implementing social and educational initiatives" is a more formal and action-oriented phrase, suitable for an academic discussion on policy and strategy.
"Informing communities" -> "Educating communities"
Explanation: "Educating communities" is a more precise and formal term that better fits the context of imparting knowledge and skills to the public.
"how to stay safe" -> "strategies for personal safety"
Explanation: "Strategies for personal safety" is a more formal and specific phrase that enhances the academic tone and clarity of the instruction.
"other methods" -> "alternative approaches"
Explanation: "Alternative approaches" is a more formal and precise term that better fits the academic style, suggesting a deliberate consideration of multiple strategies.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging the effectiveness of increasing police power while also presenting an alternative viewpoint. The introduction clearly states a partial disagreement, which is a good approach to answering the question. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the extent of agreement or disagreement, as the prompt asks for a specific degree of opinion. The body paragraphs provide supporting arguments for both sides, but they could be more balanced to reflect the "to what extent" aspect of the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly articulate the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, providing a more detailed comparison of the effectiveness of police power versus other strategies would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that partially disagrees with the notion of increasing police power. However, while the stance is evident, the argument could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, the transition between supporting police power and discussing alternativemethods could be smoother to maintain clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use transitional phrases that reinforce their stance when moving between points. Explicitly stating how each point relates back to their overall position would also help in maintaining clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as resource allocation and rapid response as benefits of increased police power, and addressing root causes and educational programs as alternative strategies. However, some points lack depth and could be better supported with examples or evidence. For instance, the discussion on educational programs could benefit from specific examples of successful initiatives.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples or data that illustrate the effectiveness of their arguments. This could include referencing studies or statistics that support the claims made about crime reduction strategies.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding police power and alternative crime reduction strategies. However, there are moments where the discussion could stray slightly, particularly in the elaboration of the root causes of crime, which could be more tightly linked back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether increasing police power is the most effective way to reduce crime. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the prompt in each paragraph and ensuring that all examples and arguments serve to clarify or support the main thesis.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from clearer articulation of the position, deeper support for ideas, and tighter adherence to the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized around distinct points: the benefits of increased police power and the advantages of addressing root causes of crime. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing police power to alternative approaches feels somewhat abrupt, which can disrupt the logical flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate a shift in focus. For example, after discussing police power, a phrase like "On the other hand" could signal the transition to alternative solutions. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second body paragraph could be further developed to ensure that it fully explores the points made about root causes and social programs. The conclusion also feels slightly disconnected from the preceding arguments, as it introduces new ideas without fully integrating them into the overall discussion.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph development by ensuring that each point is elaborated with examples or explanations. For instance, in the second body paragraph, providing specific examples of educational programs or community resources could enhance the argument. In the conclusion, summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs to reinforce the overall argument and maintain cohesion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "another reason," and "nevertheless," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions could be more varied to avoid repetition. For example, the phrase "another reason" appears multiple times, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "another reason," consider alternatives like "in addition," "furthermore," or "moreover." Additionally, using conjunctions like "although" and "despite" can help to create more complex sentences that enhance cohesion.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "resource allocation," "surveillance cameras," and "community resources." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "addressing the root causes of crime" and "investing in educational programs." This limits the overall lexical variety and sophistication expected at higher band scores.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeating "addressing the root causes," they could use phrases like "tackling underlying issues" or "confronting fundamental problems." Additionally, integrating more advanced vocabulary related to crime prevention and social issues would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "increasing police authority means allowing for faster decision-making in emergencies" could be clearer. The term "authority" might imply a broader context than intended, which could confuse readers about the specific powers being discussed.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that chosen words accurately convey the intended meaning. In this case, replacing "authority" with "powers" or "responsibilities" would clarify the statement. Additionally, the writer should consider the context of their vocabulary choices to avoid ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is mostly accurate, with no glaring errors. Words like "surveillance," "criminal," and "educational" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any potential errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further strengthen spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "I believe that addressing the root causes of crime and investing in educational programs are more effective strategies" showcases a complex structure. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as "Another reason is" and "Another justification is," which could limit the perceived range of structures.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could experiment with different ways to introduce ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Another reason is," the writer could use phrases like "In addition," or "Furthermore," to vary the sentence openings. Additionally, incorporating more subordinate clauses could enhance complexity. For example, instead of "Increasing police authority means allowing for faster decision-making," the writer could say, "By increasing police authority, decision-making can be expedited during emergencies."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few errors that slightly detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the argument that gives the police more power is reasonable to some extent" could be more clearly expressed as "the argument for giving the police more power is reasonable to some extent." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as missing commas in compound sentences, e.g., "Increasing police authority means allowing for faster decision-making in emergencies preventing crimes from escalating further" should include a comma before "preventing."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on ensuring clarity in sentence construction. Reviewing the use of articles and prepositions can also help. For punctuation, practicing the use of commas in compound sentences and lists will enhance readability. For example, breaking up longer sentences into shorter ones or using commas to separate clauses can prevent run-on sentences and improve overall coherence.

By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the effectiveness of their essay and potentially achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that increasing the power of the police is the best approach to reducing crime rates. However, I partially disagree with this perspective. I believe that addressing the underlying causes of crime and investing in educational initiatives are more effective strategies for achieving long-term reductions in criminal activity.

The argument for granting the police more power is reasonable to some extent. One significant factor is resource distribution. More funding and resources allow for additional training and advanced technologies and equipment, such as surveillance cameras or data analysis tools, to catch criminals and discourage criminal behavior. Another reason is the swift response that increased police authority can facilitate. Allowing for faster decision-making in emergencies can prevent crimes from escalating further and potentially save lives.

Nevertheless, there are several reasons why I believe alternative approaches can be more effective. The first main point is addressing the root causes of crime. Poverty, mental health issues, and insufficient education are some of the factors that drive individuals toward criminal activities. Investing in community resources to tackle these underlying issues can alleviate the conditions that contribute to crime. Another justification is that implementing social and educational initiatives can enhance public safety. Educating communities on strategies for personal safety, such as avoiding scams or identity theft, can lead to a decline in criminal incidents.

In conclusion, although a more powerful police force can help mitigate the crime rate problem effectively, I believe that addressing underlying issues and implementing social programs are more sustainable and efficient solutions.