the most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives.
to what extent do you agree and disagree with this statement?
In this modern technological era, the development of science is at the top-notch. Most of people argue that the main function of science improvement is serving human lives. In my point of view, I totally agree with this opinion because an easy live is always the goal that many scientists want to reach. This essay will give more information about my view.
Many modern technology was invented to improve individual’s life, firstly, the fundamental product of science is some machine in our house such as washing machine, television, air conditioner and so on. It proves that the greatest goal of developing science is supporting people’s lives. Likewise, scientific technologies can support underprivileged people with modernizing some products. A classic demonstration of this is intelligent wheelchair which can help disadvantageous people moving effortlessly by voice or a small control button. Moreover, besides some supportive tools, science can create drugs, medicines or vaccines for patients and some chronic diseases such as cancers.
Not only individual’s life but it also enhances the quality of community’s lives in many nations. With modern scientific products, in future, the strained performance of environment will be eradicated. One case in point is that the invention of clean gases for car by using water, which is now being studied in Japan, if this new invention is successfully implemented, air pollution will be solving entirely.
To sum up, the easier lives of people which have to depend on the development of science and technology also the biggest aim of many scientists try to accomplish in the future. The more modern technology and science, the easier lives people have. Hence, science should be the priority investments.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
- “the development of science is at the top-notch” -> “scientific advancements are at their zenith”
Explanation: Replacing “the development of science is at the top-notch” with “scientific advancements are at their zenith” provides a more sophisticated and formal expression of the idea, avoiding the colloquialism “top-notch.”
- “Most of people argue” -> “Many argue”
Explanation: Changing “Most of people argue” to “Many argue” enhances formality and precision. The use of “most of” is less specific than “many,” which is more appropriate in an academic context.
- “an easy live” -> “a convenient lifestyle”
Explanation: Substituting “an easy live” with “a convenient lifestyle” introduces a more formal and precise phrase. It aligns with the essay’s focus on the benefits of science in improving people’s lives.
- “fundamental product of science is some machine in our house” -> “significant outcomes of scientific progress include household appliances”
Explanation: Replacing “fundamental product of science is some machine in our house” with “significant outcomes of scientific progress include household appliances” provides a more specific and academic description, avoiding the use of “some machine.”
- “support underprivileged people with modernizing some products” -> “assist underprivileged individuals by modernizing various products”
Explanation: Changing “support underprivileged people with modernizing some products” to “assist underprivileged individuals by modernizing various products” enhances clarity and formality, specifying the type of products and improving sentence structure.
- “intelligent wheelchair which can help disadvantageous people” -> “smart wheelchair designed to assist individuals with disabilities”
Explanation: Substituting “intelligent wheelchair which can help disadvantageous people” with “smart wheelchair designed to assist individuals with disabilities” improves precision and formality, specifying the purpose of the wheelchair and using a more appropriate term than “disadvantageous.”
- “it also enhances the quality of community’s lives” -> “it also enhances the quality of life in communities”
Explanation: Changing “it also enhances the quality of community’s lives” to “it also enhances the quality of life in communities” streamlines the expression, making it more concise and academically appropriate.
- “strained performance of environment” -> “degraded state of the environment”
Explanation: Substituting “strained performance of environment” with “degraded state of the environment” offers a more accurate and formal description, clarifying the impact of environmental issues.
- “the invention of clean gases for car by using water” -> “the development of clean fuel for cars using water”
Explanation: Replacing “the invention of clean gases for car by using water” with “the development of clean fuel for cars using water” provides a more precise and academic description of the technological advancement.
- “if this new invention is successfully implemented, air pollution will be solving entirely” -> “if this new innovation is successfully implemented, air pollution will be significantly reduced.”
Explanation: Changing “if this new invention is successfully implemented, air pollution will be solving entirely” to “if this new innovation is successfully implemented, air pollution will be significantly reduced” improves the precision and formality of the statement, avoiding casual language.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6
- Quoted text: “In my point of view, I totally agree with this opinion because an easy live is always the goal that many scientists want to reach.”
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction of your position is clear but lacks depth in reasoning. Explaining why you agree and introducing the main ideas you plan to discuss would strengthen your introduction. Avoid general statements and focus on specific reasons.
- Improved example: “I firmly believe that the primary aim of scientific endeavors should be to enhance the quality of human life. This is because scientific advancements, when focused on practical applications, can significantly improve daily living, health, and societal progress. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss how technological innovations and medical advancements exemplify this viewpoint.”
- Quoted text: “Many modern technology was invented to improve individual’s life…”
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This sentence needs grammatical correction and more specific examples. Instead of a general statement, illustrate with clear examples how modern technology has improved life. Emphasize the impact of these technologies.
- Improved example: “Numerous modern technologies, such as the smartphone, have revolutionized individual lives by enhancing communication, providing access to information, and simplifying daily tasks. For instance, smartphones allow instant communication across the globe and offer a platform for educational and entertainment resources.”
- Quoted text: “One case in point is that the invention of clean gases for car by using water, which is now being studied in Japan, if this new invention is successfully implemented, air pollution will be solving entirely.”
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This sentence is overly optimistic and lacks a realistic approach. While it’s good to mention innovative technologies, it’s important to acknowledge their current limitations and potential for future development.
- Improved example: “An emerging technology, currently in research in Japan, involves the use of water to produce clean fuel for cars. If successfully developed and implemented, this innovation could significantly reduce air pollution, although challenges in scalability and infrastructure development remain.”
- Quoted text: “To sum up, the easier lives of people which have to depend on the development of science and technology also the biggest aim of many scientists try to accomplish in the future.”
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion is somewhat repetitive and lacks a clear summary of the essay’s main points. A more effective conclusion would succinctly restate your position and summarize the key arguments made.
- Improved example: “In conclusion, the primary objective of scientific advancement should indeed be to simplify and enhance human life. As illustrated, technologies in household appliances and medical research, as well as potential environmental innovations, demonstrate the profound impact science has on improving our daily existence.”
Overall, the essay addresses the task with relevant points and maintains a clear position. However, it lacks depth in idea development, and some ideas are overgeneralized or not focused enough. The conclusion could be more concise and better summarize the main arguments.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates overall coherence and cohesion, presenting ideas in a reasonably organized manner. The introduction sets the stage by stating the agreement with the idea that science should improve lives. The body paragraphs provide examples and arguments to support this viewpoint. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and sentence-to-sentence cohesion is not consistently maintained. For instance, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the logical progression within sentences could be improved.
Paragraphing is generally appropriate, but there is room for improvement. Some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, and the overall structure could be refined for better clarity and coherence. Additionally, there are minor issues with referencing and substitution, making the expression less fluid in places.
How to Improve:
- Enhance Cohesive Devices: Work on using a variety of cohesive devices more naturally to improve the overall flow and coherence. Ensure that each sentence smoothly connects to the next to create a seamless progression of ideas.
- Refine Paragraph Structure: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical order of ideas. This will contribute to a more organized and cohesive essay structure.
- Improve Referencing: Pay attention to the clarity and appropriateness of referencing and substitution. Make sure pronouns and other referencing devices are used consistently and effectively.
By addressing these points, the essay can achieve a more cohesive and logically organized structure, potentially elevating the coherence and cohesion score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision, placing it within the Band 7 criteria. The writer uses a mix of common and less common lexical items with a degree of awareness of style and collocation. Examples include “top-notch,” “underprivileged people,” and “strained performance of the environment.” However, there are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, such as “easy live” instead of “easy life,” “disadvantageous” instead of “disadvantaged,” and “strained performance” instead of “strained condition.” Despite these errors, they do not significantly impede communication.
How to Improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on improving accuracy in word choice, spelling, and word formation. Proofreading for minor errors and refining the use of less common vocabulary will contribute to a more sophisticated and precise expression of ideas. Additionally, expanding the range of vocabulary even further would add depth to the essay.
Note: While the content and structure of the essay are not evaluated in this analysis, it’s essential to recognize that Lexical Resource is just one of the criteria used in IELTS Task 2 essay grading. Other criteria, such as Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, and Grammatical Range and Accuracy, also contribute to the overall band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay falls within the Band 6 category for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. It uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, demonstrating some variety in sentence structures. While there are noticeable errors in grammar, they do not significantly hinder communication. The essay also features several instances of awkward phrasing and word choices.
How to improve:
- Grammar and Punctuation: The essay needs a thorough review for grammatical errors. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure. Correct any errors to improve overall accuracy.
- Sentence Clarity: Some sentences are convoluted and could be simplified for clarity. Make sure your ideas are expressed clearly and concisely.
- Vocabulary and Word Choice: The essay could benefit from a more precise choice of words. Avoid repetitive or vague language and strive for a richer vocabulary.
- Organization: Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make sure your ideas flow logically from one paragraph to the next.
- Proofreading: Always proofread your work to catch spelling and punctuation errors. This will improve the overall readability of your essay.
- Developed Ideas: While the essay touches on some valid points, consider providing more detailed examples and elaborating on your arguments to strengthen your essay’s content.
By addressing these areas of improvement, you can aim for a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.
Bài sửa mẫu
In our contemporary technological era, scientific advancements hold a paramount position. The prevailing argument asserts that the principal objective of scientific progress should be to enhance human lives. In my perspective, I wholeheartedly concur with this viewpoint as the pursuit of a convenient life is an enduring aspiration for many scientists. This essay aims to elaborate on my stance.
Numerous technological marvels have been devised to elevate individual lives. Primarily, the quintessential outcome of scientific endeavors manifests in household appliances like washing machines, televisions, and air conditioners. This substantiates that the primary impetus behind scientific development is to bolster the well-being of individuals. Furthermore, scientific innovations extend support to disadvantaged individuals through the modernization of essential products. A noteworthy illustration is the intelligent wheelchair, designed to facilitate easy movement for those facing physical challenges through voice commands or a small control button. Moreover, beyond assistive tools, science plays a pivotal role in formulating drugs, medicines, and vaccines to combat various ailments, including chronic diseases like cancer.
The impact of scientific progress extends beyond individual lives to enhance the overall quality of communities in numerous nations. With the advent of modern scientific products, future strides may be made in mitigating environmental stress. A case in point is the ongoing research in Japan on clean gases for cars that utilize water. If successfully implemented, this innovative solution could entirely alleviate air pollution.
In conclusion, the paramount goal for many scientists is to contribute to the realization of easier lives for individuals, contingent upon the advancements in science and technology. The more sophisticated our technology and scientific understanding become, the more accessible and comfortable lives people can lead. Consequently, prioritizing investments in science is imperative for fostering the well-being of humanity.