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The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is said that the most important aim of science should be to improve individual’s lives. To my mind, I totally agree with this statement as science brings many benefits to people in this day and age.
Firstly, science plays an important role in daily life. It provides people a lot of knowledge in many fields. For example, individual can search for all hot news in the world with a click and it seen to be a kind of entertainment for humans to relax such as AI. Moreover, in education, science bring more opportunities to students who live far from school can connect in online class or learn from Internet for free.

Secondly, the environment has been enhances since science growing. People can reduce carbon footprint by using public transportation – inventing by science or know when will rains or sunny by predictions of science. Next, in medical fields science saves many lifes from death. For example, in covid-19 disease, individuals invest vaccine by science form to solve with virus.

To sum up, the most essential target of science should be improve human a quality life. In a different way the more science growing, the better space people live.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "It is said that" -> "It is commonly argued that"
    Explanation: "It is commonly argued that" introduces a more formal and academic tone, indicating that the statement is a widely discussed topic rather than a casual assertion.

  2. "individual’s lives" -> "individuals’ lives"
    Explanation: The possessive form "individual’s" should be pluralized to "individuals’" to match the plural subject "individuals" in the sentence.

  3. "To my mind, I totally agree" -> "I firmly believe"
    Explanation: "I firmly believe" is a more direct and formal expression, avoiding the colloquial "To my mind" and the superfluous "totally" which can be seen as overly emphatic in academic writing.

  4. "science brings many benefits to people in this day and age" -> "science offers numerous benefits to individuals in contemporary society"
    Explanation: "Offers numerous benefits" is more precise and formal than "brings many benefits," and "individuals in contemporary society" is a more formal and specific way to refer to people in the current era.

  5. "It provides people a lot of knowledge" -> "It furnishes individuals with extensive knowledge"
    Explanation: "Furnishes individuals with extensive knowledge" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal "a lot of" with "extensive" and using "individuals" instead of "people" for a more formal tone.

  6. "individual can search for all hot news" -> "individuals can access all current news"
    Explanation: "Access" is a more precise term than "search for," and "current news" is more appropriate than "hot news," which is informal and vague.

  7. "it seen to be a kind of entertainment" -> "it is perceived as a form of entertainment"
    Explanation: "It is perceived as a form of entertainment" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.

  8. "science bring more opportunities" -> "science provides more opportunities"
    Explanation: "Provides" is the correct verb form to use with "science" in this context, aligning with the formal tone of the essay.

  9. "can connect in online class" -> "can participate in online classes"
    Explanation: "Participate in online classes" is a more formal and accurate description of engaging in online educational activities.

  10. "the environment has been enhances" -> "the environment has been enhanced"
    Explanation: Corrects the verb form to "enhanced" to match the past participle required by the passive construction.

  11. "know when will rains or sunny" -> "predict weather patterns"
    Explanation: "Predict weather patterns" is a more precise and formal way to describe the ability to forecast weather conditions, replacing the informal and grammatically incorrect "know when will rains or sunny."

  12. "science saves many lifes from death" -> "science has saved numerous lives"
    Explanation: "Has saved numerous lives" is grammatically correct and more formal, avoiding the awkward and incorrect "saves many lifes from death."

  13. "invest vaccine by science form to solve with virus" -> "develop vaccines through scientific methods to combat viruses"
    Explanation: "Develop vaccines through scientific methods to combat viruses" is a more precise and academically appropriate way to describe the process of creating vaccines to fight diseases, replacing the informal and grammatically incorrect "invest vaccine by science form to solve with virus."

  14. "the most essential target of science should be improve human a quality life" -> "the primary objective of science should be to improve human quality of life"
    Explanation: "The primary objective of science should be to improve human quality of life" corrects grammatical errors and uses more formal language, aligning with academic standards.

  15. "the better space people live" -> "the better living conditions for people"
    Explanation: "The better living conditions for people" is a clearer and more formal expression than "the better space people live," which is vague and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by agreeing with the statement that the primary aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees. The essay provides some examples of how science benefits daily life, education, the environment, and healthcare, but it does not explicitly discuss any counterarguments or alternative perspectives, which would be necessary for a more balanced response.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their agreement or disagreement with the statement. This could involve acknowledging other potential aims of science, such as exploration or knowledge for its own sake, and discussing how these might also contribute to improving lives. Including a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed would also strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of the statement, but the clarity is somewhat undermined by vague language and grammatical errors. Phrases like "individual’s lives" and "the most essential target of science should be improve human a quality life" lack precision and coherence, making it difficult for the reader to fully grasp the writer’s stance.
    • How to improve: The writer should focus on using precise language and clear sentence structures. A strong thesis statement in the introduction that clearly outlines the writer’s position and the main arguments will help maintain clarity throughout the essay. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea will help reinforce the position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of science, such as its impact on education and healthcare. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient detail. For instance, the mention of online classes lacks specific examples or statistics that would strengthen the argument. The phrase "individuals invest vaccine by science form to solve with virus" is unclear and does not effectively convey the intended message.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. Each point made should be supported with relevant evidence, such as statistics, studies, or specific instances that illustrate the benefits of science. Additionally, the writer should ensure that ideas are logically connected and flow smoothly from one to the next.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing how science can improve people’s lives. However, there are moments where the ideas become somewhat disjointed, such as the abrupt transition from discussing education to environmental issues without clear connections. The phrase "the more science growing, the better space people live" is vague and does not clearly relate back to the main argument about improving lives.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the central thesis. Using clear transitions between ideas and ensuring that each point logically follows from the previous one will help maintain coherence. Additionally, the writer should avoid introducing unrelated ideas that do not directly support the main argument.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on addressing all parts of the prompt comprehensively, presenting a clear and consistent position, developing and supporting ideas with specific examples, and maintaining focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of the statement that the primary aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. The introduction effectively states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide supporting points. However, the organization within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of science in daily life to its impact on the environment feels abrupt. The ideas are somewhat related but lack a clear connective thread that would enhance the logical flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "On the other hand" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. Structuring the essay to follow a clear pattern, such as problem-solution or cause-effect, could also improve coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs themselves could be more effectively structured. For example, the first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be more clearly delineated. The mention of AI as a form of entertainment feels somewhat out of place and could benefit from further elaboration or a clearer connection to the main argument.
    • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by examples and explanations. Consider breaking down the first body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the role of science in daily life and another on its impact on education. This would allow for more in-depth discussion and clearer presentation of ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "To sum up." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions are not used effectively, leading to a disjointed reading experience. For example, the phrase "Next, in medical fields" could be better connected to the previous point about the environment.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "In contrast" when presenting opposing views or "Consequently" when discussing the results of scientific advancements. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is contextually appropriate and enhances the flow of ideas rather than interrupting it.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "benefits," "knowledge," "opportunities," and "environment." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the word "science" is used excessively without synonyms or related terms, which could enhance the richness of the language. Phrases like "improve individual’s lives" and "enhances since science growing" show attempts to vary expression but are not fully developed.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "science," alternatives like "scientific advancements," "research," or "scientific inquiry" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases such as "quality of life" instead of "improve individual’s lives" would add depth to the vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "individual can search for all hot news" is vague and could be more accurately expressed as "individuals can access the latest news." Similarly, "the environment has been enhances since science growing" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The phrase "invest vaccine by science form" is also confusing and lacks clarity regarding the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy. Revising sentences to ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed accurately is crucial. For example, changing "the environment has been enhances since science growing" to "the environment has improved due to scientific advancements" would clarify the message. Additionally, using more specific terms related to the context, such as "technological innovations" or "scientific research," would enhance precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "individual’s" (should be "individuals"), "enhances" (should be "enhanced"), "lifes" (should be "lives"), and "invest vaccine by science form" (which is unclear and likely contains multiple errors). These mistakes detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises focused on commonly misspelled words and utilizing spell-check tools. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct spelling errors. Reading more extensively can also improve spelling and familiarity with word forms.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to utilize a range of vocabulary, improvements in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, the sentence "It provides people a lot of knowledge in many fields" is straightforward and could be enhanced with more complex structures. The use of phrases like "individual can search for all hot news" indicates a basic understanding but lacks variety in sentence construction. The essay does include some attempts at complex sentences, such as "the environment has been enhances since science growing," but these attempts are often flawed and do not contribute effectively to the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences, such as those that use subordinate clauses or varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of saying "science plays an important role in daily life," the writer could say, "Although science plays an important role in daily life, its most significant impact is seen in the way it enhances our understanding of the world." Engaging with resources that focus on complex sentence formation, such as grammar workbooks or online exercises, could also be beneficial.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, "individual’s lives" should be "individuals’ lives" to reflect plural possession. The phrase "it seen to be a kind of entertainment" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "it is seen as a kind of entertainment." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, make it difficult to follow the writer’s ideas. For example, "the environment has been enhances since science growing" lacks clarity and correct verb forms.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can help. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and reading sentences aloud can aid in identifying awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also provide valuable insights into areas needing correction.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant argument, improvements in the variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy are essential for achieving a higher band score in the IELTS writing task. Engaging with targeted practice and seeking constructive feedback will significantly benefit the writer’s development in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly argued that the most important aim of science should be to improve individuals’ lives. I firmly believe that this statement holds true, as science offers numerous benefits to people in contemporary society.

Firstly, science plays a crucial role in daily life. It furnishes individuals with extensive knowledge across various fields. For example, individuals can access all current news in the world with just a click, and this is often perceived as a form of entertainment that helps people relax, such as through the use of AI. Moreover, in the realm of education, science provides more opportunities for students who live far from schools, allowing them to participate in online classes or learn from the Internet for free.

Secondly, the environment has been enhanced due to advancements in science. People can reduce their carbon footprint by using public transportation, which has been invented through scientific innovation, or by predicting weather patterns to know when it will rain or be sunny. Additionally, in the medical field, science has saved numerous lives. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, individuals benefited from vaccines developed through scientific methods to combat the virus.

To sum up, the primary objective of science should be to improve human quality of life. In other words, as science continues to grow, the better living conditions will be for people.

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